hi just want opionions here. i have 3 kids. my middle of which is a son,
hes 20 now. he doesnt drive since he lives on his own <no roommare> 2 bd
duplex and his dog. hes struggles and works like 6 days a week to pay
his bills.. question is is it weird that he wants me to come pick him up
to spend the night at my house for a weekend visit?... is this normal
for a boy? err young man? i have a older daughter who never asked that
before and i as a 20 yr old never would of wanted to do that are males
just different than females? He also calls me far more than my
daughters do.

Be greatful!

It's not a male/female thing; it's emotional.

I know that you probably want your son to be a 'conventional male' who's
well assimilated to mainstream cultural prescriptions for gender
identification; but the truth is that these prescriptions are arbitrary,
constrictive, and potentially damaging for anyone. He will grow out of
his dependency soon enough. If he need your help, help him as he asks
to be helped. However, let him be himself, free to feel love for you.
If you push him away, you'll pay in the end...resentment takes a long
time to redress, and the emotional damage that you do now can never be
undone.

My advice...just embrace him as much as you can, as much as he needs!
The people he meets later on will be the beneficiaries of what you do
now. They will thank you later.

hey that is nice tyvm! yea i want him to come here and spend time with
him i miss him very much..didnt know if it was a gender thing or not.. i
love that boy he had lots of behaviorial issues when he was young and
everyone turned away from him but me. I am his mother and his father
both..best i could do as a father.. his father was never involved , and
his step father turned away from him when his problems started. Boy it
was hard on me dont know how i made it thru... but look
what i have now a respectful young man!

Hummmm well my son is 24 & my daughter is 22 they both moved out this
last year I don't see my daughter very much due to full time job and
full time college and a b/f. But we do talk at least every few days to
touch base and see what is going on. My son just recently got a job were
now he is on the road all the time before he left I saw him at least 2-3
times a week always called me we are actually closer than my daugther
and I are and yes seems he is the one that wanted to move back home were
my daughter loves being out on her own. I say take it while you can and
enjoy the time together now my son is on the road and have only seen him
once in the last month and a half but... I still here from him like
everyother day. I thought it was funny but cute when one of his
girlfriends made the comment how much he mentions his mommie but... in
reality it really did tugg at my heart to know that I have made that
kind of impression on him. So I say spend all the time with him you can
there will come a day that it will get less and less and you will miss
those times.

thanks tx my son moved out when 18 struggled moved back in for 6
months and has been on his own for the last 14 months.. so i think hes
ok in that area. Hes gotta figure out hard times on his own and seems to
have

No, that by itself is not weird (unless there are also other symptoms).
Being a 20-year-old guy is not easy, especially when one's living alone.
So the best thing you can do is to not make him conscious of it all the
time. You should try to help him however you can, but at the same time
keep your distance. Over the next 2-3 years he's going to learn to pull
himself up, so hopefully things will get better.

ty sgp, no really i dont see anyother thing other than how much he has
grown up in the last yr.. im proud of him.. and when he asked me i said
sure! i have helped him out with money once he wanted to pay me back but
knowing where he was at and since i had the money to share i told him no
son, this is a gift to u for it will be too hared on you to feel the
pressure to pay it back.. the next time he told me he was struggling he
wasnt asking for money <i feel> he just wanted me to listen.. i said to
him so "son what are your gonna do" He then told me and did do it. For
this is a part of letting him grow and be responsible.

Well Buttons I do understand were your coming from raised my kids on my
own for 15 years and his dad did not get involved like he should have
and I never remarried or had any one live with me my son was listed as
ADDHD so he had the learning problems also to deal with but.... you can
show him hands on hands with something and he is off and running he got
into building him a bomber car when he was 17 then started working in a
machine shop for several years now he is doing Lake Surveys from state
to state. He was my little man and will always be I tried very hard to
make my kids independent. Just seems my daughter picked up on it and
went with it and my son hung back a bit but now he is off and running.
But makes me wonder maybe the boys hang back a tad longer making sure
mom is okay not so much for them but for us think about it. It does make
sense they have been the man of the family so long and they have to make
sure we are okay before they go off completly at least it sounds good

he loves his mother and wants to keep her in his life....how hard is
that to undestand?

i have to say i really do feel loved by him and am very thankful
for that..my daughter moved out when 18 and still lives in the same apt
that she moved too she is now 22 1/2. but she lives with her same
boyfriend she has had since she was 14. good thing: she seems to stick
with a relationship but bad thing he has not treated her so
well<cheated>. now as far as my son he has dated how much i dont know
lol but did have a gf that he had problems with came to me for advice to
try to understand her. i liked her too. but issues as a male he couldnt
deal with. so he after 8 months let her go. im thinking hes pretty
picky. but that is a good thing too.

your mom.......would you rather he not keep an open line to you?

well newguy.. the daughters arent like that is all and i sure hope they
love me too

like i said im glad that he shows his love

and would always like him there of course

Well buttons, In the paper of my community a couple of weeks ago, there
was a article about this subject actually. There is a study that Yes
Boys needs there Moms more than Girls once they get older. Girls need
there moms more when they are younger and learning to become a woman.
Once are little girls are women they like to be independent and take are
teachings to practice.

That is why I try to spend as much time with my little girl now that she
is still young.

very interesting ty..

Well it seems that since I raised mine alone my son and I do have a
special bond and yes I do love that too. He comes to me with his
problems cause he knows I will not judge him just tell him what I think.
Like I said he is my little man even if I have to look up to him he has
had his share of problems ohhh has he but he knows I will always be
there for him through thick and thin so yes I'm glad to have that bond
with him matter of fact he called me this morning while I was on my way
top work just to say hi and I love ya lol he is in Arkansas right now
and will be moving somewhere else maybe tonight or tomorrow he always
calls and tells me were he is. I could not have made the last
15 years without them. Now my daughter lives alone her B/F is a Fireman
and just bought him a house but they will not live together funny
neither one was raised that way his parents are still together and I
refused to let a man live with me while raising the kids but that was my
choice but I can see were my daughter has those same values too. All I
can say is cherish the time they give you once they move out but it is
funny how the boys seem to need just that little bit more than the girls
do. but in the end the rewards are greater than any words can
say.

nicely put tx.. sounds like to me you are a great parent

very normal, you know that alot of male children tend to have a closer
bond with their mother and daughters with the fathers for some reason,
or at least that's what I have seen from the single parent/children
relationships, and believe me when I say I have seen alot of them, I am
not saying that it's every situation but it is the trend.

Girl I would not say great but I did the best I could and they know I
still will even tho they are grown if they really need something I would
do what ever I had to or go without if I had too hell I'm hoping they
will remember me as the years move on and help me later if I need it
lmao.

But you know fed I think alot of that has to do with due to the boys
ended up the man of the house the protecter in there eyes and so that
bond is there with the mother as long as she did not boot them to the
side for a man. Which my son was the only man in our house but.....
Mommmie still ruled lmao