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| Topic: Women's Point System | |
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Edited by
uk1971
on
Sun 05/11/08 03:10 PM
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In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system... Simple Duties You make the bed................................+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..........0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........................-1 You leave the toilet seat up.......................................-5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty...................0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex........-1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with wings.......+5 But return with beer..................-5 You check out a suspicious noise at night.......0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...................0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something................+5 You pummel it with a six iron...........+10 It's her father.........................-10 Your Physique You develop a noticeable potbelly...........-15 You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it...+10 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts..........-5 Finances You spend a lot of money on something impractical............-5 Something she can't use...................-10 Such as a motorized model airplane........-20 And she got a small appliance for her birthday....-40 Driving You lost the directions on a trip..............-4 You lost the directions and end up getting lost..............-10 You end up getting lost in a bad part of town..-15 You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal.........-25 You know them.........-60 The Big Question She asks, "Do I look fat?".................-5 (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in responding............-10 You reply, "Where?"...........-35 Communication When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression......0 When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..........+5 You listen for more than 30 min. without looking at the TV........+10 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep.............-20 Social Engagements You stay by her side the entire party..........0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy........-2 Named Tiffany....................-4 Tiffany is a dancer...................-6 Tiffany has implants...................-8 When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly...........+1 When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump..........-5 When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you"................+1 When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"......-6 That woman is her sister....................-90 You have one drink, and that's it................0 You have more than a few & perform the tango with a poodle.........-2 You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted....-18 Saturday Afternoon You go to the mall together.....................+3 You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car....................+4 You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar...................-2 You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it....+3 You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional....0 You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk .............+3 Most of it chips and beer ..............-6 You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den............+15 Or refinishing the floors......................+16 Or rewiring the basement....................+17 Or adding a second floor................+18 Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket.......-6 And you're tickled pink about it............-15 You visit her parents.....................0 You visit her parents and actually make conversation....+3 You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television ........-3 And the television is off...................-6 You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear...........-6 And you didn't even go to college..............-10 And it's not your underwear....................-15 Her Birthday You take her out to dinner....................0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar...............+1 Okay, it is a sports bar....................-2 And it's all-you-can-eat night..............-3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.......-10 You go to a nice, pricey restaurant & hire a guitar player.........+3 You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing...................+4 If you stink.............................+2 If you're not half bad........................+5 You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause...........-2 You give her a gift........................0 You give her a gift and it's a small appliance....-10 You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance ...........+1 You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate....+2 You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months..........+30 You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day........-10 With her credit card...............-30 And whatever you bought is two sizes too big..........-40 Thoughtfulness You forget her birthday completely............-20 You forget your anniversary......-30 You forget to pick her up at the bus station...-45 Which is in Newark, New Jersey...............-50 And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast....-60 A Night Out With The Boys Go out with a pal ...........................-5 And the pal is happily married ..............-4 Or frighteningly single ....................-7 And he drives a Mustang....................-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)..-15 You have a few beers.................-9 And miss curfew by an hour.................-12 You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call.-20 You get home at 3 am....................-30 You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars...........-40 And not wearing any pants......................-50 Is that a tattoo??.................-200 Her Night Out You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work...................+5 She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late.................+10 You wait up.......................+15 She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed..........+20 A Night At Home You watch TV together.................0 You rent a movie...............+2 You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY...+3 It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout.............+5 It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep....-1 It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool.............-2 A Night Out You take her to a movie........................+2 You take her to a movie she likes..............+4 You take her to a movie you hate ..............+6 You take her to a movie you like...............-2 It's called DeathCop 3.........................-3 Which features cyborgs having sex..............-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...........-15 Flowers You buy her flowers only when it's expected... 0 You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it........+20 You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself..........+30 And she contracts Lyme disease....................................-25   |
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hahahahahahahhahahahahhaahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahhahah
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That is some funny ****... and lots of truth to it too!!!
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that was great!
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