Community > Parenting Talk

Topic: Daughter on Self-destruct
ShyKBear Joined Fri 01/18/08 Posts: 368	Fri 05/09/08 10:32 PM
I really appreciate all of you taking the time to talk to me. I am just sitting here crying by myself...

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Fri 05/09/08 10:36 PM
(((hickerchick))) I am 23; I went through almost the same exact thing except I was out of out of high school and going through college and still living at home. I wish I knew what to tell you. But the more my parents put the leash on, the harder I rebelled. I was never one for leashing her in - she will be the first one to tell you..now I am second guessing that..should I have been more strict?? But she did so well for 4 years...there was no need to be overly strict.

UplandHunter Joined Thu 02/07/08 Posts: 8066	Fri 05/09/08 10:40 PM
She is at an age of independence...there is not much you can do but try to advise her and encourage her to stay in family therapy. The tighter the reins the more she will pull...just my thoughts

Shaden Joined Sat 09/29/07 Posts: 6118	Fri 05/09/08 11:02 PM
My middle son did the same thing, to a lesser degree. The more love and concern you show the better off she'll be. I cried a bunch, too. I can almost promise that if you have her back and show unconditional love, yet concern, she'll turn around. I was the teen from hell and I'm a liberal thinking but conservative acting adult. I made my mother a grandmother at age 34 and got married at a very young age... silly girl, that I was. I do hope your daughter will make wiser choices, but as long as she knows you love her, she'll fair well. Prayers for both of you!

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Fri 05/09/08 11:14 PM
She is at an age of independence...there is not much you can do but try to advise her and encourage her to stay in family therapy. The tighter the reins the more she will pull...just my thoughts I agree 100%

Winx Joined Fri 08/31/07 Posts: 39051	Fri 05/09/08 11:31 PM Edited by Winx on Fri 05/09/08 11:32 PM
I don't know if there is any point in telling you this. When I was a teenager, my mom would tell me what to do and I didn't obey. But..my father really didn't want me to go swimming in a dangerous river here. He asked me not to do it. He knew me. I thought about him asking. I didn't go swimming in the river. He asked me not to do other things and I didn't do them either. For some reason his asking me not to do something instead of telling not to do it stuck with me all of these years. I don't know if it had to do with him or his asking. I don't know if this is normal for a teenager or if I was somewhat strange and/or rebellious.

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Fri 05/09/08 11:33 PM
I don't know if there is any point in telling you this. When I was a teenager, my mom would tell me what to do and I didn't obey. But..my father really didn't want me to go swimming in a dangerous river here. He asked me not to do it. He knew me. I thought about him asking. I didn't go swimming in the river. He asked me not to do other things and I didn't do them either. For some reason his asking me not to do something instead of telling not to do it stuck with me all of these years. I don't know if it had to do with him or his asking. I don't know if this is normal for a teenager or if I was somewhat strange and/or rebellious. I think you were normal. I have never been the controlling type of parent because it's just not my personality to be that way.

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Fri 05/09/08 11:34 PM
I have been second guessing myself for not making more rules - but you guys pretty much agree that making more rules would just have made it worse.

Winx Joined Fri 08/31/07 Posts: 39051	Fri 05/09/08 11:36 PM
I don't know if there is any point in telling you this. When I was a teenager, my mom would tell me what to do and I didn't obey. But..my father really didn't want me to go swimming in a dangerous river here. He asked me not to do it. He knew me. I thought about him asking. I didn't go swimming in the river. He asked me not to do other things and I didn't do them either. For some reason his asking me not to do something instead of telling not to do it stuck with me all of these years. I don't know if it had to do with him or his asking. I don't know if this is normal for a teenager or if I was somewhat strange and/or rebellious. I think you were normal. I have never been the controlling type of parent because it's just not my personality to be that way. To this day, I have never like my mom trying to control me. She still tries. I have figured out that it is her way of caring though.

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Fri 05/09/08 11:38 PM
I don't know if there is any point in telling you this. When I was a teenager, my mom would tell me what to do and I didn't obey. But..my father really didn't want me to go swimming in a dangerous river here. He asked me not to do it. He knew me. I thought about him asking. I didn't go swimming in the river. He asked me not to do other things and I didn't do them either. For some reason his asking me not to do something instead of telling not to do it stuck with me all of these years. I don't know if it had to do with him or his asking. I don't know if this is normal for a teenager or if I was somewhat strange and/or rebellious. I think you were normal. I have never been the controlling type of parent because it's just not my personality to be that way. To this day, I have never like my mom trying to control me. She still tries. I have figured out that it is her way of caring though. Everyone has their own style. I was just never comfortable with being a bossy parent - I was always much more likely to discuss and come to an agreement.

LAMom Joined Tue 12/12/06 Posts: 26866	Sat 05/10/08 12:18 AM
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh sweetie I went through troubled times with my daughter when she turned 16,, I worked 10 hours a day and did not even see a change until it was to late,, My daughter tried to date a much older Man,, I said man not boy,, Long story short I called her Dad and sent my daughter to live with him,, She was mad, very mad,, and words came from her Mouth I never thought she could or would ever use,,, I can say she is 23 now,, graduated high school and is in college right now,, I am very proud of her, and we have sense then become closer than we were to begin with,, I dont know the situation with her Father and if its available for her to spend time with him,, or maybe another family memeber,, Im rambling here,, sorry I send my Love to you and Lotsa prayers for strength,, You are an awesome women and a good Mom,, dont beat your self up,,

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Sat 05/10/08 12:21 AM
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh sweetie I went through troubled times with my daughter when she turned 16,, I worked 10 hours a day and did not even see a change until it was to late,, My daughter tried to date a much older Man,, I said man not boy,, Long story short I called her Dad and sent my daughter to live with him,, She was mad, very mad,, and words came from her Mouth I never thought she could or would ever use,,, I can say she is 23 now,, graduated high school and is in college right now,, I am very proud of her, and we have sense then become closer than we were to begin with,, I dont know the situation with her Father and if its available for her to spend time with him,, or maybe another family memeber,, Im rambling here,, sorry I send my Love to you and Lotsa prayers for strength,, You are an awesome women and a good Mom,, dont beat your self up,, Talk about parallel lives - when she was 14 she went - well, nuts too(drugs, 45 year old men, burglary) - and I sent her to NJ to live with Dad for 6 months..she hated me at the time but we got 4 good years out of it..if I do it again, she is not coming back..that was his only request - he doesn't want her bouncing back and forth, and I agree. So if I send her to dad's, it's for good. It's a hard decision. Thank you, and everyone, for your kindness.

LAMom Joined Tue 12/12/06 Posts: 26866	Sat 05/10/08 12:28 AM
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh sweetie I went through troubled times with my daughter when she turned 16,, I worked 10 hours a day and did not even see a change until it was to late,, My daughter tried to date a much older Man,, I said man not boy,, Long story short I called her Dad and sent my daughter to live with him,, She was mad, very mad,, and words came from her Mouth I never thought she could or would ever use,,, I can say she is 23 now,, graduated high school and is in college right now,, I am very proud of her, and we have sense then become closer than we were to begin with,, I dont know the situation with her Father and if its available for her to spend time with him,, or maybe another family memeber,, Im rambling here,, sorry I send my Love to you and Lotsa prayers for strength,, You are an awesome women and a good Mom,, dont beat your self up,, Talk about parallel lives - when she was 14 she went - well, nuts too(drugs, 45 year old men, burglary) - and I sent her to NJ to live with Dad for 6 months..she hated me at the time but we got 4 good years out of it..if I do it again, she is not coming back..that was his only request - he doesn't want her bouncing back and forth, and I agree. So if I send her to dad's, it's for good. It's a hard decision. Thank you, and everyone, for your kindness.

wolfchic Joined Wed 09/26/07 Posts: 8036	Sat 05/10/08 12:36 AM
My daughter has been an honor student all through high school. She was ready to take a trip to Spain with her Spanish club; and planning on attending college locally. Suddenly she just stopped going to school; wound up suspended; and is no longer eligible for the trip. We lost $3,000. She is also probably not going to graduate. I got her to a counsellor but I am at wit's end. Why is she throwing her life away like this? I don't understand. Boy this is so tough when this happens.My heart goes out to you. Sounds like she is having a tough time with something. Always keep talking and trying to guide her.Though it may seem like she listning,She will always hear you.Good luck.You are not alone.

FearandLoathing Joined Fri 12/28/07 Posts: 30121	Mon 05/12/08 12:12 AM
My daughter has been an honor student all through high school. She was ready to take a trip to Spain with her Spanish club; and planning on attending college locally. Suddenly she just stopped going to school; wound up suspended; and is no longer eligible for the trip. We lost $3,000. She is also probably not going to graduate. I got her to a counsellor but I am at wit's end. Why is she throwing her life away like this? I don't understand. Tough call, don't have kids myself...but I've done this. Mainly my reason was lack of interest in school, personally speaking I had disagreements with the method things were taught. Probably not the problem here, I would say drugs but there are usually warning signs of those so if you haven't noticed anything unusual (odd sleep habits, lack of motivation in other things aside from school, spending a lot of time at a certain person's place, etc.) you really can't say drugs. I would say an interest change, happens when kids grow up but don't take this as a professional thought (by no means am I anywhere near professional). Talk to her, don't get angry but ask serious questions and tell her your concerned. Best of luck Hiker.

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Mon 05/12/08 02:35 AM
Thanks, Fear.

HMontana Joined Thu 12/20/07 Posts: 5037	Mon 05/12/08 03:11 AM
Just for today, I pray you both have peace. Then, tomorrow, I'll have the same prayer.

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Mon 05/12/08 03:14 AM
Just for today, I pray you both have peace. Then, tomorrow, I'll have the same prayer. I love you darling

summerlady Joined Wed 03/07/07 Posts: 16232	Mon 05/12/08 05:07 AM
Aww Hiker, I'm sorry you're going through this now. I've never gone through this with my kids, there were other issues. But I would suggest to keep talking with her and let her know how concerned you are. I think you made a good move with the counselling.

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Mon 05/12/08 05:09 AM
Aww Hiker, I'm sorry you're going through this now. I've never gone through this with my kids, there were other issues. But I would suggest to keep talking with her and let her know how concerned you are. I think you made a good move with the counselling. Thanks, sweetie. Parenting can be so not fun sometimes.