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| Topic: Why are people who have separated and filed for divorce put | |
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Edited by
MsCarmen
on
Fri 05/09/08 01:13 PM
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Why are people who are separated and filed for divorced put down so badly for dating?
I don't understand it. I mean, I can sort of understand if they said they were separated and haven't filed for divorce yet (and even that I have a hard time understanding) but if they are in the divorce process, then that tells me they are done with the marriage and are looking to move on with their life with someone new. What is so wrong with that? Why do they have to wait until the divorce is final to make it "okay" to finally date? What if it takes years for the divorce to be final due to not being able to pay for it, the other person can't be located to serve the papers, or there is a custody battle? I've been divorced for 16 years but when I started the process it took me forever to find my ex because he had joined the Army and was overseas. Can someone shine a little light on this subject so I can understand why people put them down so badly for doing this. |
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Every lady I have dated has been divorced.
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I say to each their own - I dont date married men but that is just my personal preference. No science, no magic, no other reason, just save the fact that they are still legally wed. JMO
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Edited by
Dragoness
on
Fri 05/09/08 01:18 PM
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I don't know about the putting them down part so much as these other issues.
Well, for the other party involved one has to watch for the rebound relationship and the comfort zone of the divorcing person. It is easy to replace that which you are comfortable with, ie a companion, someone to come home to, someone to sleep with, someone to talk to, etc.... without really thinking it through. We will always try to recreate our "box". For the divorcing person they really need time to adjust to being alone and find themselves again before they start anything new. Well and hope for a success at it anyway. We see it on here all the time people who rush into things to set themselves up for failure. JMO of course |
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I think there is the fear factor that the divorce process is not final and can be reverse with no regard of the third parties best interest. That is my concern anyway.
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think about what you just asked..............if the divorce never takes place, or takes sometime to get, and in the meantime you date some, and that someone develops strong feelings for you, he or she is set aside and forgotten..........have been there, so for me it is better to have the papers of the divorce on hand.......my opinion only..............
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Maybe no one wants to be the "rebound" person.
Personally I won't date a man before he's divorced because I consider him married. |
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think about what you just asked..............if the divorce never takes place, or takes sometime to get, and in the meantime you date some, and that someone develops strong feelings for you, he or she is set aside and forgotten..........have been there, so for me it is better to have the papers of the divorce on hand.......my opinion only.............. How is the person set aside or forgotten? If you are in a relationship with that person there is no reason for them to get set aside or forgotten, even if the divorce takes some time. As for the divorce never taking place are you referring to them never filing for divorce? If that's what you mean, then yes, I can see not dating them. I wouldn't date a guy who is separated if he hasn't filed for divorce yet. |
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Why are people who are separated and filed for divorced put down so badly for dating? I don't understand it. I mean, I can sort of understand if they said they were separated and haven't filed for divorce yet (and even that I have a hard time understanding) but if they are in the divorce process, then that tells me they are done with the marriage and are looking to move on with their life with someone new. What is so wrong with that? Why do they have to wait until the divorce is final to make it "okay" to finally date? What if it takes years for the divorce to be final due to not being able to pay for it, the other person can't be located to serve the papers, or there is a custody battle? I've been divorced for 16 years but when I started the process it took me forever to find my ex because he had joined the Army and was overseas. Can someone shine a little light on this subject so I can understand why people put them down so badly for doing this. It is a rule of thumb and not a hard and fast rule for me. By and large there is too much connection and residual bitterness with separated people. However, I take it on a case by case basis. |
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Oh I guess because they (me) might be emotional train wrecks, and not truly understand how fragile they are. The first five months months after I moved out of the house were an emotional roller coaster, I would have saved myself a lot of grief if I hadn't started to look for a woman so quickly. But I thought I was ready. Yeah, ready for a beating.
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I didn't know they were. I really don't think someone that is seperated should state that they are divorced, though. Until that divorce is final they are married. There is always that chance he could go back to his wife...so he should put seperated. And let the woman decide if she wants to risk that.
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Why are people who are separated and filed for divorced put down so badly for dating? I don't understand it. I mean, I can sort of understand if they said they were separated and haven't filed for divorce yet (and even that I have a hard time understanding) but if they are in the divorce process, then that tells me they are done with the marriage and are looking to move on with their life with someone new. What is so wrong with that? Why do they have to wait until the divorce is final to make it "okay" to finally date? What if it takes years for the divorce to be final due to not being able to pay for it, the other person can't be located to serve the papers, or there is a custody battle? I've been divorced for 16 years but when I started the process it took me forever to find my ex because he had joined the Army and was overseas. Can someone shine a little light on this subject so I can understand why people put them down so badly for doing this. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing!!!! It is some peoples ignorance to the fact that you might find happiness before they do!!!
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I did not but I needed to set an example for my son as his other parent was failing in other areas. I don't judge others for doing such. It was a personal choice.
 Now I think it was a little dumb. I also think I left my ex wayyyyy too long after I was done.
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It could also have to do with how some people seem to like saying they're "divorced" when they actually aren't.
I had that happen to me once- the lady said the papers were filed and the whole thing, and THEN I find out that she wasn't even separated and the marriage wasn't even annuled. |
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For me it's a personal rule that I don't date separated men... I've dealt with lots of drama in that area before. The guy left me and went back to his ex after they were separated for a year.
I try my best to not date anyone that's newly out of a relationship because it tends to mean they haven't gotten over the bitterness of it ending, or that they aren't ready to commit to anyone new, or hey, they might actually be lying. |
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I know a ladie who tells of when she was a pre-teen back in the 40's she was not allowed to talk to or be around another little girl in the neighbor hood because that girls mother had divorced and remaired. that couple was chastized by other people. How times change. Such an atitude would be very strange to day. Mabey called 'bigoted'
I once communicated via email with a ladie who's profile indicated she was divorced, She refered 2 her 'separation' and 'Ex' in her messages. turned out she had never been married. But she considered them 2 be and when he left she called it a divorce. |
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I think it is better if they have been divorced for a year befor i get involved with them
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I think the above afvice is good if the seperation was short. Some divorces have been drawn out due to insurance deimmas!
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 Ie dated someone NOT divorced yet. Her husband blamed ME for THEIR break-up. Even nowing I wasn't nor did I even know her when they slit-up...BUT,,he felt she wouldn't go back to him, because of me.. NOW, then there is the other side of that. A lady who has filed and you get with her. Fall in love wit her and then SHE,,,,changes her mind and DROPS you and goes back to him... THESE kinds of ISSUES keep me away from dating ANYONE who is in ANYAWY still together with another,,,even if THEIR just boyfriend girlfriend...... 
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Why are people who are separated and filed for divorced put down so badly for dating? Can someone shine a little light on this subject so I can understand why people put them down so badly for doing this. Perhaps they're standing on what they think is a moral high ground. When love, honor, and cherish is missing, the marriage certificate isn't worth the paper it's printed on, as far as I'm concerned. For my own case, the last "intimate encounter" my wife and I had lacked intimacy and was last year, so my conscience is clear, regardless of what the moral high ground preachers might say. As for reservations, I have none and made a concious choice to move forward. My social life includes spending time with friends and being helpful in situations that warrant my help. Not the bible thumper, but there was this dude about 2000 years ago that suggested not to throw stones. I'm pretty sure he was right, but sometimes there's this big beautiful glass house that looks like it needs a little ventilation, so...
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