John walked on the beach at sunset. A walk he has taken many times but, today was different.
He realized along the way that He was alone, I don’t mean he was walking alone, he was truly alone. Becoming conscious of this John was overwhelmed with this feeling of sadness yet, all of his senses were heightened. He could hear the waves so clearly it was like hearing them for the first time. He could almost hear the sand being dragged back into sea as each wave receded. Sand crabs burrowed out of harms way with every retreat and he could hear the popping of the air bubbles as it escaped from their newly dug safe houses. The gulls were laughing and calling to each other as they searched for food.

He couldn’t tell if this was real or some kind of aberration all John knew was is at this moment in the throws of such loneliness he has never felt more connected to the world around him.

The clash between the sea and sky was never more evident. The sky was on fire with the sunset. A calming hue of dreams yet to be realized, reds, oranges, yellows and blue above, mixed with white and grey clouds. Picture perfect, all it needed was the silhouette of two lovers sitting arm in arm heads resting against one another’s, quietly watching as they imagine their future together.

The sea was dark. He could feel the cold in its vast emptiness. We are told that the sea is a giver of life. On this day its purpose is to mock him and remind him how alone he is.

Along with the sadness John is now being inundated with fear, loneliness, heartache and the realization that outside of our own minds, in the grand scheme of things each of our individual lives are pretty insignificant.

He started running
Hoping to leave the pain behind, hoping to find that little garden of flowers his heart grew up in, where everything was supposed to be fair, happy and just. Hoping to find a world where he can be relieved of the emotional crucifix of live.

Yeah he could be happy then; escaping the pain that keeps invading his heart and never again shedding a tear for other peoples suffering.

He pulled the pain from his heart, emptied his soul of all sensation and threw the stone burden far away, far into the setting sun. Letting out the most dissonant of sounds.

He thought he would feel relief; he though his soul would be lighter but, instead as he watched the tiny little splash and saw the ocean devour the meaningless small ripples the stone had made he felt powerless, felt the weight of the entire world come down on his very being. He could not take it; he collapsed in the sand and began to cry.

The sea gulls swarmed around as if he may be the next meal. Teasing him as they took turns swooping down at him. “look at this everybody” “awww he’s giving up” “poor baby” one by one they passed and the insults just kept getting worse. “ you want answers?” “how’s this; you’re born, you live then you die”

John stood up and screamed at the top of his lunges F**K YOU! F**K YOU.
The birds disappeared the sea grew silent. Once again he was left standing alone. In the middle of the world, his world; a voiceless universe of how do you do? Followed by nothing, no honey I’m home, no, I love you, no justice for the innocent. Nothing, just little ole John standing on the beach screaming in vein at the setting sun.

It was then he heard someone yelling behind him f**k you, f**k you.
He turned but, there was no one there. Again the words came to his ears, this time he realized it sounded like an echo but, it was a voice too mature to be his own.
He heard it again it was coming from rocks so, he walked towards them to see who was playing games this time. If it is those birds again he swore he is going to kill them all.

As John moved closer he noticed a cave; now, he has been coming here for years and has never seen this cave before. Hell he can’t even remember all of these rocks.

Approaching the entrance cautiously he could feel the cave breathing. He yelled into it to see if anyone would answer but, there was no reply no echo. John would never admit this to you but he was a little uneasy about going inside so he waited for a few minutes. A voice came out of the cave “you too shy to come in?” it said laughing.

John took a few steps back and thought to himself “no I’ve seen this movie before” He knew he should just turn and go away from the cave but, as he started to the voice called to him.
“Johnny boy come on in” “we want you to come visit” it said in a high pitched scratchy voice

Hearing his name called out was kind of a shock to him. He stood there not knowing what to do. Surely this was someone he knows, how else would they know his name?

Approaching the opening of the cave filled with apprehension, he peeked into a small almost tunnel like entrance. Sand formed the floor of the cave making it almost inviting. It was not very wide, maybe ten feet and slightly less than that in height. Getting ever braver John decided to go further. He noticed that the cave did not look to be very deep. He turned to look back at the entrance just to ease his mind realizing he had only gone about five feet in; he wondered if he should continue on or just get out.

Resting his hand on the wall of the cave he felt the jagged harsh rock and thought to himself; “better not hit that if I have to get out of here fast” but, he quickly tried to keep his mind from thinking such thoughts.
Walking slowly forward calling out one last time to see if he would get an answer; his words were returned to him in the form of the echo he heard earlier. Losing light with each step, he ventured on, hoping to find his friends there playing a trick on him. At any rate he wanted an answer was this an echo, his echo or, perhaps someone that could identify with his pain.

The cave didn’t end at ten feet as he thought it took a sharp right hand turn and led to a huge open cavern. His eyes were trying hard to focus but there was not much light. He hadn’t even become aware of the enormous underground room he was about to enter.

Johnny stopped and stood frozen in his path in an attempt to let his eyes adjust to the darkness. Even though he did not move the light from behind slowly disappeared until, there was nothing but black all around him.

His heart was now racing and he all he wanted to do was to get out of there a fast as possible. He wanted to run but, he couldn’t tell which way to go, it was too dark.

He tried to play it cool by talking to who ever was in there with him. “ok, you got me…real funny” he said, adding “yeah I’m scared whooo now turn on a light would ya”
“the fun is over” but, there was no light and all he could hear was his own heart beating mixed with the voice in his head telling him to get out.

“Johnny boy” a coarse voice whispered to him.
John almost jumped out of his skin. His brain said run so he did and ran smack into the wall of the cave knocking him to the ground. Now he is really disoriented he doesn’t know which way to go. He gathered himself got off of the floor and tried to reach out for a wall to help him and as touched it he his hand sank into it just a little. It was then that he realized he had only a moment ago, run right into that same wall but, it did not hurt him at all.

“Johnny boy...close your eyes”

“I am not closing my eyes”

“Johnny trust me I am here to help you”

”Help me what….who are you?”

“You want answers don’t you?”...”well I can help you find them”
“close your eyes Johnny” and so he did
“now listen to me carefully… this is a place like no other, your answers are here but, nothing nor, no one can give them to you straight out you will have to find the meanings in what you will see here today” “be careful though... some things you may not want to know so make sure that you search for the answers you really must have” “and one more thing Johnny...you can be harmed in this world so watch out for your safety”

“now open your eyes and your mind and you shall find what you seek”

Johnny opened his eyes; the place was bigger than he had thought and it had a strange glow to it. There did not seem to be source of light yet, there was light. The walls were smooth and the ground looked like it was covered in berries of some sort. He reached down to pick some up no; these were grapes, red grapes. The only thing was that they were filled with air. The ground was so dense with them when he stepped he didn’t even penetrate the upper most layer.

With the light helping him see he turned to the right to see who he had been taking to. All he saw was the wall until he looked closer. Imbedded in the wall was a skeleton and it was looking right back at him. He thought to himself “this can’t be”

“yes it can Johnny boy” the voice said
John replied “you’re a skeleton you…you..
“I what John?”
I don’t understand this where do you come from?

“I come from a place that you know as Lyme Regis. It’s on the island of Great Britain. It was once part of a vast plain. The end of an ice age put my people under the sea for almost a million years.” when the continents shifted they pushed up a portion of the plain to form the British Isles” ” in the cliffs at Lyme Regis is where our clan was discovered.”
“all but me Johnny...I was only ten feet from my brother but, they did not find me”

Why did they not find you? John asked

“Johnny boy...I don’t know but, I have just given you your first lesson.” “you have to open your mind or your time here will be wasted.”

What lesson is that? John asked.

“I told you Johnny I cannot answer that directly; you have to find the answers in what you are given” “I have never asked why they found them and not me. I accept the randomness of it” “I don’t care that they get to live in a museum in London I understand that sometimes thing are because, they are.” “now go Johnny boy and find your peace”

And with that the skeleton was gone.

John didn’t know what to do. He needed to explore the cave maybe in doing that he could figure things out. He started walking not really knowing where, just walking.

The cave was nice and cool as, you would expect. His heart was at normal pace now and he felt a calm come over him as he walked.
He came upon what he thought was a snake but, it had what must have been a hundred legs. The fear crept back into him. Then he noticed on the other side of the snake was a centipede and it had no legs. Confused, John just waited for the two of them to cross his path.

“you must be Johnny boy...the centipede exclaimed
“yeah that’s him” said the snake

“How do you…oh… never mind” John said

The pair stopped in the path and to size Johnny up

John just had to ask them. “why do you have legs and he doesn’t?” “and if you don’t have them are you now some kind of snake?...is he a centipede?”

The snake rolled his eyes. The centipede answered John.
“no john just because I don’t have legs now doesn’t mean I’m not who I was born as” “what kind of question is that?” “god you need a lot of work”
“let me explain” the centipede added…
“I gave him the legs because he thought he wanted them, thought he would get around better but, now he has a whole new set of things to deal with. Like every couple of months he has buy new shoes.” “and he spends a lot of time trying to keep them clean”
“I always had them but, I knew I didn’t need them so I gave them to him” “you see?”

“Not really” answered John. “but, that’s ok”
Johnny was still thinking about the pain he went through on the beach. All of his life he wondered why so many people suffer throughout their lives. Why are so many souls lonely in a world full of people? Why can he not find his own happiness? Some times it gets to be so heavy on his heart that he just wants to quit. The sadness that fills him rules his life.

The snake asks Johnny to join them. They are going to see the caves favorite band, The Canes.

The three of them started out for the show. As they walked Johnny gazed around at the cave. Up ahead he could see forms gathering but, could not make any of them out. The music was somewhat muffled.
Just then he sensed something approaching his back, beep beep a loud horn blew from behind. Johnny moved just to the left and as he did two rafts whisked passed him. They were floating in mid air and traveling fairly fast. “what was that?” Johnny asked

“taxies” the centipede answered
“taxies?” “taxies fly here” “well why not” Johnny questioned
“this place is too weird…nothing makes sense” Johnny said
“no Johnny boy” the snake said adding “you are the one who is out of place here”
“this is our world and this is how things are” “oh, and when we get inside… do not step on the bats…they hate that”

Once again he thought it may be better not to ask so John let it go for now. The door to the room where the band was is too crowded so they went around to the side to see if they could get in there. The centipede gave the gorilla at the door twenty leaves to let them in. Once inside the snake hurried off to the men’s pit to shed some skin and freshen up. The music was loud, the centipede and Johnny stood there for a minute and just listened.

“ Mother, mother
There's too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There's far too many of you dying
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today - Ya

Father, father
We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh, what's going on
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Ah, what's going on”

Johnny was not sure what to expect but, this was never what he had imagined.
He wanted to see more of the room so he and the centipede left the hall and entered the room. To the right of him there was a circle of three toads, big toads, maybe three feet tall and they were standing upright smoking a joint with two mosquitoes that are about the size of basketballs. Johnny shook his head no to the youngest looking of the toads in response to his asking if he wanted a hit. “my God that is the last thing I need” he thought. He wondered why the toads were not eating the little blood suckers but, then thought “wait till they get the munchies…”

The band was still playing and Johnny caught himself listening as he moved over to where he could get a look at them.

The singer told the crowd that the next song was dedicated to the special quest of the cave everyone knew this was Johnny. They all clapped for him as the light director shined a spotlight on him. He was blinded by the beam of yellow that illuminated all around him.

With the light still on Johnny, the band began to play...

“Johnny's in the basement
Mixing up the medicine
I'm on the pavement
Thinking about the government
The man in the trench coat
Badge out, laid off
Says he's got a bad cough
Wants to get it paid off
Look out kid
It's somethin' you did
God knows when
But you're doin' it again”…

Finally the glow faded and he could see again. Not sure if he was suffering from the effects of the light or not, Johnny was bewildered by what he saw on stage. The band was a five piece group. Four of them are very tall; very thin walking sticks…yes walking sticks. The fifth was a crab he is the singer for the band. At maybe five feet tall and somewhat over weight Johnny couldn’t help but be reminded of John Belushi. The not so graceful dance moves only drove home the image.

“…. stay away from those
That carry around a fire hose
Keep a clean nose
Watch the plain clothes
You don't need a weather man
To know which way the wind blows…”

Johnny thinking it was getting late was about to leave and go explore the rest of the cave when the snake returned with company. He leaned over to Johnny and the centipede and asked which one of them was going to show the smaller of the two worms some attention so he could try to get the other one alone.

Johnny wanted no part of this and quickly said so. The centipede looked at the worm then back to the snake “I think I might just call it an early night”
“oh you have got be kidding” said the snake
“no I am not feeling too good” the centipede answered
“come on she’s cute…and you owe me” “why do you always do this?” the snake asked
“I don’t always do anything” centipede replied
“yes you do you always wait to see if you can talk to the butterflies or the ladybugs” “and you always get your heart broken too” “you know you can’t trust them…well most of them”
“that’s not true” snapped the centipede

“yes it is…just because they paint some pretty dots or designs on their wings doesn’t mean they are more special than anyone else” “most of them are shallow stuck up *****es and all they want is for you to buy them and their friends a bunch of pollinated girly drinks, then they leave you to watch them go home with the hornets” “I’m sorry but you know it’s true…why wont you give someone with a little more substance a try?...maybe you wouldn’t be so lonely”

The centipede was pissed. He excused himself and walked toward the door. Johnny jumped at this chance to leave too; he ran and caught up with the centipede.

Now outside the centipede said goodbye to Johnny; he climbed up a block letter stairway, jumped into a taxi and floated home.

Johnny walked into the open cavern; there are so many passageways he doesn’t really know which one to choose. Then he sees one at the far end of the great room. It is relatively small compared to some but, he is drawn to this one.

Entering the artery he was met by a small army of bats. They were walking out and seemed to be pretty happy. One of them asked “Johnny boy have the canes started playing yet?”

John told them that the band has been on for about half an hour. There was a collective groan within the group. He noticed that some of the bats would stop and pick up grapes and eat them. Looking closer he realized that they only grab the ones that had been crushed. “I guess that is why they walk” he thought.

“hey Johnny?” someone yelled back at Johnny. “are there very many butterflies at the show?”

Johnny laughed and said “yeah guys, by the dozens” the bats cheered and whistled some even started running.

This arch shaped walkway was lined with glass; even the curvature of the ceiling. Johnny walked and walked the whole time thinking about his time in the cave. Not really understanding what he was supposed to be learning here. It was getting colder the further he walked. It had been a long day and he was getting tired. Tired of walking and tired of thinking.

The glass that surrounded him began to flicker. It was giving off light. Then as if someone had turned on his memory, his whole life began to play like a series of short films on a movie screen. The way it almost circled him it gave the impression of a three dimensional flash back that he was a part of. All around him he saw so many good times. Birthday parties, swimming, vacations one by one they played out in front of him. He never stopped walking as he watched.

It was getting really cold now. The glass went coal black for a second then burst back with a blinding white light that shook Johnny to his core. A deafening jolt of vision followed by, the blinding resonance of the canes.

“…Life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go
to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much, I set it up
That's me in the
corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion…”

Johnny watched as the joy of genial recollections gave way to trouble and strife. Now, the fear was returning. The movies were painful to see. Every sad moment he lived was back to claim their part of his soul.

One after another they passed before his eyes. Lost loves, dead pets, the time he got lost and separated from his parents for six hours in the mountains, the mayhem of those riots, the passing of all the people he has ever know, the gut wrenching sadness while watching the tsunami sweep people up like they were nothing, meant nothing, that dreadful beheading he saw on the internet, the so many nights spent all alone, everything from little kids scraping their knees to the death and destruction of all the wars televised in his lifetime. All at once being pounded into his head as if it were just a movie…but, movies don’t scorch the soul the way life can.

Tears are streaming down Johnny’s face. His skin is cold to the touch but, he is sweating profusely. “So much for the cathartic visit to this land of awareness” he thought
He is knocked to the ground by the pain in his heart, letting out the most agonizing of groans. The movies stopped but, the leaking of his soul through his eyes does not.

He is lying on the floor curled up in the puddle of tears. The sorrow and loneliness he felt on the beach was nothing compared to the deep, deep hurt he feels now.

The lagoon of wept soul is moving away from him as if someone has tilted the floor. It begins to evaporate and forms a blue mist. Getting bigger in size the mist is slowly rotating, pulling all of the moisture from underneath him. Gathering like a cloud just below the ceiling, it is condensing and beginning to spin faster and faster. The wind is now whipping its way around the chamber. Sparks fly out of the center of the cloud and all at once there is an explosion of lightning in all directions. The clouded soul has formed a crystal clear sphere that hovers in the middle of the room.

Johnny is free of the pain for the first time in years. He stands up without the chains of a burdening soul, an affliction he is more than happy to be rid of.

Examining the room for the first time he begins to laugh. “great just great” Johnny shouts. “A dead end a ****ing dead end” “this is what you have for me?” All these years of wondering and searching for the truth and I get is a dead end”

Johnny walks over to the back wall of the room, still laughing and pounds his fist against it; again and again.

Johnny’s hand was swelling. This wall was the only thing he had seen of rock since he entered the big cavern. Dust fell from where he struck and he could see words written on the huge table top smooth slab. Three words. Trust, Respect, Love.

“That’s what it is all about?” Johnny asked

The words fell off of the wall like the dust and others appeared.

“why do you run from reality Johnny?...you were taught long ago that the world is full of pain” ”that there is no one true justice”…the ones that hand it out are the ones with power and if power lands in the arms of people who value personal gain over justice you see what you see.” “this is the reality”

These too slid down onto the floor to make room for the next set of words.

“the working of your world is done in mysterious ways”

“don’t give me that bull **** that’s something people say when they can’t really answer questions, like telling your children to do something and when they ask why you reply with…because I said so” Johnny returned.

“Oh Johnny boy, you have learned nothing here…not everyone walks the path of a god not everyone walks the path of great men…most will wander the trail of forgotten souls in the endless flow of time…weather you believe in the same god as the man next to you or you don’t believe at all is of no consequence to how you live your life; I will leave you with this…

the one thing that is eternally true is that we all carry the seeds of our own salvation”

Johnny’s soul slammed back into his body as these last words were etched into the stone. He watched as they made their way to the floor. The sound of glass cracking behind him got Johnny’s attention. The wall that held the words began to crumble and came crashing down. Johnny, frightened ran for the arched hall. The glass was falling off in little pieces when he heard the chamber he was just in collapse.

Running down the walkway as fast as he could he was aware that the theater of pain was coming down right behind him. Making it to the great cavern just in time to escape a sure death, he saw that the entire cave had turned to stone. No more berries on the floor no more soft walls, he had to get out and now.

Dodging falling rocks along the way Johnny tried to get to the small entry way. Right before he got there he was struck by a large rock. It hit him on the left shoulder and put him to the ground. The cave was collapsing from the inside out. Johnny staggered to his feet, having to negotiate the debris was getting harder as more and more of the cave fell. At last he made it to the tunnel like entrance. He was about to leave this strange world behind. Then he was hit again and thrown back to the floor, only this time it is not of sand but, sharp rock. His hands are cut to shreds he slams his head against the very wall he warned himself about earlier. He looks to the opening of the cave and sees that it is already covered half way but, he just has to go another eight feet or so.
Then he heard the music…

“Ever since I was a kid at school
I messed around with all the rules
Apologized then
realized
I'm not different after all

Me and the boys thought we had it sussed
Valentinos all of us
My dad said we looked ridiculous
But boy we broke some
hearts”…

The canes the damn canes.
Crawling to the opening he can feel the fresh air hit his face. It is cool as it mixes with the warm blood that is trickling passed his eyes. John leans up against the wall. A boulder lands to right of him while he tries to make his way out. Then an even bigger one crashes down on top of it; it rolls over onto Johnny’s leg and pins him to the wall. He can’t move.

The ceiling is giving in, he doesn’t have much time. His leg is hurt badly but, he can’t get it freed. A pile of rock is quickly filling the opening another boulder rolls off of the pile at the front of the tunnel and knocks the one holding his leg back just enough for him to get it out; he tries to run but, falls. The pain from his leg is excruciating he reaches down with his right arm trying to hold back the pain.

His hand finds the leg but it is worse than he thought. He sits up to see how bad it is and all he can spot is the thigh bone sticking right out of his leg. His left arm is useless and now so is his right leg. John rolls over on his stomach and tries to crawl but, he can’t because the bone is out too far. So he gets on his back and works his way up the pile of rubble at the door to the cave.

For a moment he hears the song again
“Never found a compromise
Collected lovers like butterflies
Illusions of that
grand first prize
are slowly wearing thin”

Nearing the top he reached his right hand out into the open. The cave raining more earth to its floor. There is a shift in the mountain and a huge chunk falls over top of him. It is somehow being held off of his weary bloodied body. More of his arm finds the daylight. He tries to make another advance but his leg gets caught on the boulder above him. Again he inches forward to no avail. The bone keeps hitting the boulder and prevents him from moving up the quickly growing pile. The sound that raw bone makes when it hits a foreign substance is nothing compared to how it feels. Johnny feels the sound deep into his being.

…“I was only joking my dear
Looking for a way to hide my fear
What kind of fool was I
I could never win”…

Johnny almost passes out from the pain

…“Now you ask me if I'm sincere
That's the question that I
always fear
Verse seven is never clear
But I'll tell you what you want to hear”…

Finally the resistance is slipping. Johnny feels the weight of the ceiling on his chest and sees the hole to the real world closing.

…“'Cause what I'm doing must be wrong
Pouring my heart out in a song
Owning up for prosperity
For the whole damn
world to see”…

The tonnage comes to rest on him forcing the air from his lungs. Johnny pulls his hand into his grave and the light disappears.

Softly the canes play on.
“Quietly now while I turn a page
Act twenty’s over without costume
change
The principal would like to leave the stage
The crowd don't understand”

Silence, silence


The last bit of air he has in his lungs makes him cough. He can feel a warm fluid flowing down both of his cheeks. The loss of the fluid made room for more air. Johnny coughs again, now even more warmth is felt running over his face. Johnny is rolled over on to his side. He coughs again and again more fluid lost more air gained.

“Sir, don’t try to move” a voice says.
Cough…cough
He seems to be coming to. He hears claps and a few voices. Johnny opens his eyes as he is still fighting for air. There is a small crowd of people standing over him. Some even have tears in their eyes.

He is almost breathing normal now. He realizes he is lying on the beach. The sky is in twilight. Still a little perplexed he sits upright. Everyone there is relieved. He is going to make it.

“good for you it was still light out or we may never have seen you” an older gentleman said.
“should we get him an ambulance?” a woman asked
“no I think I’m ok now” Johnny said.
After about half an hour a couple of the people helped him to his car. Johnny thanked them for helping save him from drowning. They left him sitting in his car. He just sat there for a while not believing what had just happened to him. Then he dug around in his pocket for his keys but instead pulled out a rock. The same rock he had thrown at the setting sun an hour and a half ago.

John’s heart sank in his chest then a strange thing happened…he smiled and thought…

Its great to be alive.
And he understood…

wow kc that was quite an adventure

S

Wow what can I say ,that was amazing Kevin.It really captured my mind so visual.I had so many things going through my head,not sure how it would end,but your ending was great.The songs,the words,I could relate to those feelings .But like the end said It's great to be alive.Thanks for the adventure...awesome

Awesome Kevin you amaze me more each time I read one of your post

Wow Kevin..that drew me right in!!...Amazing write

Wow, We all struggle with our purpose to our lives and it is simple, our purpose is to LIVE to the best of our ability. Great adventure KC

thanks stef
sorry it was so long

thank you Pam
well you know i already told you....

kristi
thank you for the kind words
and thank you for getting through this one

thank you blondemom
now i want to see some more from you

Where death may take is, is the appreciation of life. Thanks for the reminder. Some interesting metaphors I believe... Take care..

Sorry to bother you

TAB

Too bad the the appreciation of life, doesn't appreciate friendships and kindness

TAB

I will again soon..thanks

yes we do

thank you for reading and posting

thanks Tanya
nice of you to stop by

who really knows?

Wow quite the write (((Kc)))

we look forward to it

thank you TBear

to life!