the shell the moon, why are you here with me. i nursed myself then sleep i slept> til id awake again i was an infant blind til i saw myself.

am i a baby or am i a cat i sleep i breathe i nap

what else i say, what else i say cause weve already spoken and theres not much more to say...

the only love youll ever have is me with me youll always be free. i was safe in your chains.




I remember being bored as an infant and climbing and pulling and hoisting myself onto the wooden bench to peer out the side window of our living room. all mother would muster at that time was a cotton diaper and tee. i liked to watch the wind and the leaves and i liked the sound of my breath from the effort it took me to reach the top of the window sill.

Id sit propped and engaged until mother would find me and say what are you doing and i dont remember much after then. sometimes id manage to find my way into our yard out the back kitchen door where mother would be standing by the window washing dishes and cooking.

There was always something to see in the yard. a rabbit in his cage. a neighbors cat. little purple flowers. sometimes even a pumpkin patch from seeds my sisters threw in the grass. and there was always the sky and show of the clouds.

Then there was the trail of blades in green grass, an entire other world it seemed to me. there were worms and ant piles and roots and dirt and weeds with little white and yellow flowers.
I'd crawl through the grass listening to my breath and the quiet sounds and buzz of the yard and just me. it was a moment to feel happy and free.

There was a day i found something new in the yard in the grass. it was old and rusted, a heavy chain. i found it at the beginning and i followed it surely out of curiosity. it snaked and waved through the grass. i felt no sense of fear or apprehension as i discovered this something new in our yard, just wonder of what it could be. before anything else, there was snap! and clamp. i was caught in rusty metal jaws in the grass.

I remember thinking to scream but who would hear me. there was no sound of relief i wanted to hear, no voice, no car or truck or screen door slam. there was just me in the grass so i looked up and waved my free arm. mother would surely catch sight of me eventually.

I think she tried hastily to free me from that trap father laid in the grass for neighborhood cats and i think it took a phone call to a neighborhood boy to release me finally. i never panicked pain or bleeding. i just remember the rusty red triangle teeth and i knew there was nothing but time to sit there and wait.




this was just a sit and write> thanks for the space y'all.

nice write...girl

thank you mirror and kc

Nice to see you back Katie...Beautiful write as well.

really nice katie

S

thanks again loves

wolf and meandu too

I sat and read!

i remember how long the day was - a "WHOLE DAY"
to go wherever and do whatever i wanted...
the scent of earth on a trowel digging in the backyard
at my grandma's house by the fence
near the yellow tart cherry tree
alongside unruly fresh mint

later Postum au lait sipped through sugar cubes
cookies that only she could make just right...
or strudel fresh from the oven...

for you both

Good one and good to see you back again

thanks ms. teddy and rush

sloooowww mhhhmm

pkh and gal thanks for the welcome

though sugar'd been banned from the house. what it took to get my hands on an ice cream sandwich....yum

i was told once by a man one had to be cast out so it could take lead.

i came second or was it third place and which time around and when was i the first to know where id be calling home..

is it on you is it on me for all the worl to see what is next...

not on cards or pages of sand or on the lawn or in the grass

what pops up next

hinting at dreams and yesterdays past

your time comes when its due.

now blow out the candles and wip that smile on your face and save your tears for something else

who needs to cry for all your yesterdays

none

dancing fool dance

not on cards pages sand lawn or grass

this is what is next in the world

what is the meaning of first among none

God

thank you today for the beauty i observed. you created such wonder to fill me. the space and peace and music i could hear, i had to close m eyes and keep them there to receive. it was heavy for me as any could see and thank you for sending gentle men to remind me of your touch.

i accept with zeal all that you have promised me even though i am still afraid of this new path.

i knew father was right and how much i wondered what else he might know too.

the big bang doesnt answer much for us. science does not account for the grace of you.

i do solemnly swear this is from me and not from you.

thank you for the croissant today and the beautiful weather

God

i look forward to tomorrow. i have things to do and places to see perhaps people to meet if it is your will.

thank you for the hot water today

i barely ate slept but dreamt all day

the professionals were in and everything seems to be working

another day approach if it is also your will

i hear your words of guidance.

thank you

i was pretty once. i dont know how i smiled but i did so readily and easily. when the world became distracted and eyes were elsewhere an i was happy to be a girl.

i was pretty. and i stopped caring about math and force feedings. noone was watching and i wasnt reall listening freely moving somewhere to the beat of my own heart.

where the life of me took a start and finish.

colors became soft on me and i liked my girbaud jeans elegantly faded. i was no longer the guess girl in mustard seed.

ideas and ideas and ideas and more ideas kept me spinning my life apart.

i once thanked a man for allowing me to be free of religion thogh i studied the bible for sixteen years.

on those days i wondered my fate and he always answered me, you're a thirty-something girl.