This morning my little one told me -Mom I really don't want to live with you- Why? I asked and she said I don't like you, and I love my dad, I only have a heart for him.

Is that normal in kids with separated parents? I have 4 kids and I am having troubles with the oldest 12, and my princess 5.
any advice?

Kids that young don't always have the vocabulary to express what they're feeling so they use the words they know. It could be she's just missing her dad, but doesn't really know how to verbalize that emotion. And that missing him is crowding out everything else right now. Maybe a little extra dad and her time would help.

She don't know what shes saying..she's a baby..plus when daddy gets her he's probably "daddy Wonderful"..meaning she never hears no til she's back with you again which turns you into mean mommy..She will grow out of it.

It can hurt, but it is normal, best of luck

i think its important to remember that 12 year olds are testing, they will say anything to hurt you and see if you still love them...
and the 5 year old is following her 'hero'

i think its totally normal.

just love them anyway, and dont let them drag you into an argument about it. either seriously consider letting her move in with her dad (if thats doable) or tell her its just not an option and she will have to get over it. you are the parent and what you decide is what goes.

I've never wanted to live with my dad..jail was no place for a child.

Thank you!

I to am a parent.Last night I had a bad dream about our son.I moved to Fla two years ago uncertin of my future.My son is still in Baltimore Md I have legal joint custody.I have gone back to see him list year,that was not to good.I tryed to locate my ex-wife but could not.I am well established here in Fla now.Good job nice home.The family up north now will not evey let me talk to my son.last summer I made planes to get him,the grandmother put a stop to that.My son does not even live with my EX.I really do want him and I Love him but at this point I am looking like the bad one I have my case# when school get out in Baltimore I will take the police and c if I can get my son for a while.He is ten now.

Im in the same situtation.

My answer
No matter what you do, where you live, what you feel about me.
I love you.

Most likly your home has rules that are not allowed to be broken.
Stick to them, if you dont you know what youll end up with.
It hurts but firm
This is MY week MY time, but guess what I still love you. Be greedy when you talk about your time. Its let my kids understand that my home my week my rules. Yes they want to live with dad. I would to. No rules or supervision. who wouldnt

I almost postive that young 5 yr told her mom that when she got in trouble. She knows what she is doing. She has sibling that have taught her how words can hurt. If it was just her then maybe. The 12 yr IS testing. Be firm-always say I love I want your the greatest.

Kids do tend to say hurtful things. I know my sisters kids do the same thing to her. But its funny because when they are with their father they say the same things to him only in reverse.

I asked my neice why she said some of that stuff to her mom. I told her. Don't you know that you hurt your Mom when you say stuff like that? She replied that yes she did know and she was doing it on purpose. It really ticked me off. She is 14. I just told her that it was ok to get upset. It's ok to get angry. But to lash out and say hurtful things on purpose is not ok and diminishes her as a person. I tell her as I tell my own kids. What they say, who they say it to and how they it affects not only the people they are around but also them themselves. And to get respect it must be earned. Trust is earned, respect is earned and disrespect will only hold them back and make them a smaller person.

I know when my kids tell me that they hate me, I tell them that I am sorry that they feel that way but that I still love them.

My 12 year old son is starting to hint that he would like to move in with me. So I hear your problem in the reverse. I don't think my ex is too appreciative of it either, since he has been a mommas boy since birth.

at some point you have to do what the child wants if dad agrees to a "test" run let them or just the 12 year old go. it the grass is greener theory. my x is controlling and very over protective, we have 50/50 custody iam opposite him, our daughter 6 and the i want more time with mom is starting.

i guess my point is it either a getting back at you thing, or they think life will be so much better with dad.
after they spend "quality" time have the "rules" inforced things will be mom i want to come back

You say you have legal joint custody. Do you mean you have fifty fifty custody, or that you share the legal decisions about your sond life? Most states if a person is told they have legal joint/joint legal custody, it means simply they have fifty percent say about all decisions.

What you have to keep in mind is htere are two kinds of custody: legal and physical. Leagal, I juhst described. Physical is self-explanatory. You can have one and not the other.

I would think f you have joint legal, however that there is a provision in there for you to see your children. I would show al papers to the sherrif, and if necesary a lawyer. If you DO have the right to see your son, and hte sherriff goes with you, the sherriff will force whomever to disclose the location of your son, and allow you your visitation, and if they choose not to, the sherriff will arrest them for failure to follow a court order.

But first thigns first you need to find out what kind of custody you have.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

IDK, I wanted nothing to do with my dad after my parents divorced, still don't want anything to do with him.

I lived with my mom.

When my parents divorced I blamed my mom for it, and I had anger towards because of that, but I went through counciling and came to understand the situation and overcame it.

I don't know if that helps you or not, but maybe your child feels that you're not allowing them to see their father as often as they would like.

Talk to the father see about working something out, maybe talk witht he children.

Maybe see about counciling to help them deal with what's going on.

Wow, I know that had to break your heart into a million pieces. But I think SusinVA was right on the money when she state that children at that age find it very hard to communicate their feelings into words. And it could very well be that her Father is playing the "nice parent" meaning giving in to her all the time, not correcting her if she does something wrong etc.

I know when I first moved in with my brother to help him out with his son (his ex was trying to take the child away from him except for on an every other weekend basis because he was by himself and she didn't think he was capable of taking care of him) I noticed that he was giving in to him alot and not disciplining him when he did something wrong. I asked him about it and he stated that he was afraid that if he disciplined his son that his son wouldn't want to be with him any more. I told him that his son loved him very much (he was a daddy's boy to the hilt) and nothing would ever make him stop wanting to come over.

That was 2 years ago and now my brother has joint custody, is raising his son by himself (I moved out)and gives him the structure that he needs. He still has to deal with the fact that when his son gets mad when he doesn't get his way, first thing out of his mouth is "I want to go to my Mommy's house." (his Mommy takes him to McDonald's almost everyday, and when they go into Walmart, she buys him a toy every single time. And he will even tell you this.) Anyway, when my nephew says this, the first thing my brother does is say "Okay, let's go." And instantly, my nephew realizes his bluff has been called and he's not going to get his way so that is the end of the argument.

So keep doing what you are doing. I know it is frustrating at times. Heck, I only have one and you got 4 so I know it's got to be trying at times. In the end, when they grow up, you will find out they appreciate all the things you did for them, even if you did have to be the "mean parent" at times.

If you have joint legal custody with your ex-wife, how was the Grandmother able to stop you from your visitation rights? She has no say so in the matter. And I don't know if you know this or not, but if she doesn't have any kind of custody of this child, then she could be charged with kidnapping. And if that is the case, then by all means get the police involved and let her know you won't let her take your child away from you.

But if she does have some kind of legal custody rights, be forewarned about the police. Sometimes, they don't even bother to help because they view this as a domestic issue and not a civil matter, and will just advise you to go to court. If that is the case, GO TO COURT. I've seen so many Dad's give up because of the financial and distance issue. He's your child too. And you have every right to have him with you as she does. If you didn't, the Judge would have never ordered Joint custody.

well it is a disipline thing would be my guess

you have to be a real parent

and it is possible they only see the happy part with him

even more so if you and he do not get along
it may be that he is trying to buy them when they are with him as well

i know it was a hard thing to refrain from when my kids were young but it worked out for the best that i did not try to manipulate the situation now that they are adults they see what it was for what it was

kids usually see the here and now and maybe day after tomorrow on occasion

it is not an easy thing to deal with but always keep what is best for the kids in the forefront

good luck

be well

may much good come to you and yours

very well said adj4u

who me

huh what

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thx