i met this guy on jsh while he was in iraq. we talked on the phone and net for a month until he came home. we finally met in person and it was great. he said he was in love with me and we even talked about me moving in with him (which also meant me moving two hours away from everything i've ever known). we even talked about me going with him when he left to go to washington state in 11 months (btw that would be moving across the entire country). less than a week later he breaks it off with me saying that he couldn't see being in a relationship that had no future. i had explained to him many times how difficult it would be for me to go with him because of the custody situation with my daughter (whom he absolutely adored and she became very attatched to him). he always told me that he fight for us to be together and that we would work something out. please keep in mind that he was the one who initiated our "relationship". i was perfectly happy just being "friends" and hanging out. he was the one that wanted to hang out with me and my daughter and wanted to meet my family. he said that he couldn't handle something like this now and that it would just be easier on everyone if he just ended it now instead of 11 months from now. i don't understand how a man thrives off of running into a firefight in the middle of sand hell but is scared of being in love with me. we always, or so i thought, had a very honest relationship. when i was having doubts about it i talked to him about it. they were actually the same reasons why he broke up with me. once again he told me we would work something out. i spent all day (and night) with him the day before he broke up with me and everything seemed fine to me. what i don't understand is how you can do that. how can you talk about a future with someone, get their child attatched to you and then just say "oh well never mind that might hurt me i think i'll just call it quits now"? it amazes me how the male mind works. what amazes me more is how i fall for it everytime thinking that maybe this isn't lying and has his stuff together. btw he still has on his profile that he wants a real relationship. i think i have a sign on me that says "ooo pick me, lie to me, break my heart i enjoy it"

OH MY, THE LONGEVITY OF IT! I can't read it all in one sitting, sorry.

iraq is a TOUGH place to come home from honey....
I believe that it changes a person life in more ways than one and he is probably not entirely stable...

Sorry to hear that. Not every male mind works that way. Only some. Where I respect him for doing something I hope to be doing within the next year. I also think he sounds like an a*s. That's just too screwed up for any other explaination. I don't know. Maybe there is a factor or factors that I'm missing? Anyways, sorry to hear that. And, best of luck.

-Don

ive always belived its easier to face death than love, but im a twisted person anyway

Move on, and learn not to allow you child to get to know anyone you date until you know it's a committed relationship.... He obviously has stuff to work through, but you need to protect your kid.

It just sounds like to me you guys moved way to fast...

Faster is starts up, faster it ends.
Take it slow, take it slow.

hmmm - messed up - hope to asap.

its kinda hard to protect your child and still have some sort of a life. i'm obviously a single mother there isn't much that i don't do without her.

kids are hard but the best thing that can happen to someone, i was wild as hell before my daughter came along, and now when im around her im all daddy, she lives with her mom, but i do what i have to. i wouldnt change having her for anything, and if they cant accept you and your child then they aint worth ya time lady

dating should probably be done without her

life?? have fun when u can....
protecting OUR children at all costs is the sacrifice single mothers make!!!

One perfect example of why I haven't dated in 10 years.... It's hard, but so necessary. I hope you find the love you want, truly.

This is why I do not involve my children in my relationships until I have been with the guy for awhile. I do not want my children to get hurt every time I get hurt. You have to keep the kids away from the men you date until you know they are sure they want a relationship.
With him being in Iraq, I would have never introduced him to my family for a long time. Why? They have been through so much while they were there and I don't think they know exactly what they want when they come home. Our guys that come home from there have been having so many problems and half the time they are not really safe to have around your family. They have seen so much and been through so much that they need time to clear their heads.
I am really sorry that you and your child have to go through this...BUT next time do not involve your child so soon

true but in this situation i thought it had a future, plus the distance between us meant that when we were together it was more than just a few hours it was usualy atleast a day and a half once or twice a week until the end and i ended up seeing him quite often

Maybe you're just looking at wrong people.

Hey wildflower, I don't know if this will give you the answers you're looking for, but my hope is maybe it will help. Speaking from long experience, It's an obviously diffrent world over their. I have seen and heard what you're saying a million times. When your there, you rap your mind around anything that gives you some kind of peace or something you feel your missing. It keeps you going. Then, and this is where the problem comes in. You get back home and for a short while you THINK you know what you want. Truth is if you don't give yourself time to re adjust to your surroundings again, you will run away from things just because there not familiar or your scared to lose something, so It's easier to run the other way. Please understand I am in no way standing in judgement of him or anyone. We all experienced our own things over their. Bottom line is YOU ARE NOT the problem. It's very possible he will de compress from being their and go ahead with the plans you made. But he may not. I'm not sure If this helps or makes you more confused, just trying to shed some light on where his head might be. I wish you the best, and whatever you do, don't take it as a personal shot at you. Again, It's not you. If you have any questions, feel free to write me. Again, I am not judging anyone, and I hope it works out for you...I hope this helped...

You are very young. But, now you know. You will know to do best by yourself and your child from now on....

i agree but i will not sacrifice having a life just because i have a child. i did that the four years i stayed with her father. shes a smart kid. she'll be alright. the damaged her father does is way worse than me having he spend time with me and my boyfriends. she know they are not her father.

oh boy