1: If you happen to be choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply
pour a cup of warm water down your throat and presto!! The blockage
will almost be instantly removed.



2: Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.



3: Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.



4: For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed
for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember
to use a timer.



5: A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the "snooze"
button.



6: If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.



7: Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget all about your toothache.



In conclusion: Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of
life really are:



You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.



If it doesn't move and should..........use the WD-40.



If it moves and it shouldn't..............use the Duct tape.



Remember:



Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.



Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.



If you woke up breathing......congratulations!! You get another chance.



And, finally, be really nice to your family and friends: You never know
when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

Priceless!!! LMAO!!! Thanx!!

Very Priceless lmao tooo funny

words to live by !! think i'll write my own bible......

You go to the same Med School as me?

LMAO

> The Value of a Drink
> "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
> I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
> about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
> and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
> of work and their dreams would be shattered.
> Then I sayto myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
> dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

> ~ Jack Handy
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
> happened to your bra and panties.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
> wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
> going to feel all day. "
> ~Frank Sinatra
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
> tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
> ~ Henny Youngman
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
> laughing WITH you.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
> ~ Stephen Wright
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

> "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
> we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
> When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
> get drunk and go to heaven!"
> ~ Brian O'Rourke
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

this is good! Hey you have a remedy for tooth decay?

> "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
> ~ Benjamin Franklin
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
> retard.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "Without question, the greatest invention in the
> history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
> wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
> not go nearly as well with pizza."
> ~ Dave Barry
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
> over and over again that you love them.

> To some ! it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
> ~ Dave Howell
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
> converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

ohh girl your good today!!!

i still like to dance! lol

rock on, purple!!

Got anything for gingervites?

Humm huhhh a pair of pliers come here Leroy this want hurt me a bit lol

Txs That sounds like good for play for a guy with Meth mouth LOL!

omg Purple gurl I'm roflmao you RAWK GURL!!

TRY THIS ONE......

TAKE 2 B-12 VITAMINS AND DRINK A RED BULL !!!!

OMG !!!!