Speaking to the nervous male patient in his office, the doctor replies, 'Of course I won't laugh. I'm a professional. In over 20 years, I've never laughed at a patient.
'OK,' says Bob, and lowers his shorts revealing the tiniest 'hoo-ha' the doctor has ever seen.
Unable to control himself, the doctor starts giggling, then falls to the floor laughing uncontrollably. Minutes pass before he is finally able to regain his composure and his feet.
'I'm so, so sorry,' says the doctor. 'I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?'
'It's swollen,' Bob replies.

First time I whipped it out for my girl, she said:
No thanks, I don't smoke."

"No baby I said I needed 3 D size batteries, not an aaa size"

She asked "Who do you expect to please with that little thing?"
I said "ME"