THE PENIS WANTS A RAISE
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. M y work exposes me to dise ases.
Sincerely,
The Penis

Reply:
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:
1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work
period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting
other locations.< FONT size=5>
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated
in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as
wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. You will retire LONG before you are 65.
9. You are unable to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have
completed
the assigned task.
11. And if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering and
exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The M anagement

that is just too funny i want one of those

thrill= of a life time

from my e-mails that my friends send me

it worked didn't it

Aanytime LAMom

i am a single mom, and let me tell at times it is very hard, but i
wouldn't trade it for anything, i love my son with all my heart, i know
iam doing the best i can, only time will tell how it all turns out,
thanks for your support

i laughed my ass off when i heard it and had to post it

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when
a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the
stomach.
Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the
bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
healthy girls and a healthy son.
All was fine for 16 years and the one daughter walked into the
room with tears. " What's wrong?" asked her mother. " I was taking a
tinkle and this bullet came out," replies the daughter. The mother
told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in
tears.
" Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."
Again the mother explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week l ater her son walked into the room in tears.

"It's okay" said the Mom, " I know what happened. You were
taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

" No," said the boy, " I was playing with myself and I shot the
dog."

I KNOW YOU SMILED

ty marylin my first reply

hey am i doing something wrong? people are viewing my jokes but nobody
is responding....help

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat
down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.


Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket
towards the man.


He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.


Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in
place.


"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.


They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the
theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her
deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.


After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to
her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.


They had a wonderful, wonderful time.


The next morning, she cooks a gourmet

meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been
SO incredible!!!!


"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to
every guy you meet?"


"No," she replies. . . . ."



Wait for it ...



It's coming.




The suspense is killing you, isn't it?

She says:

"You just happened to catch my eye."

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!



Thanksgiving Divorce...

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before
Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you
that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is
enough.


"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you
call

your sister in Chicago and tell her."


Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of
this,"


She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are
NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm
calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until
then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "All set,"
he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way

THE BEST BLOND JOKE EVER

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview.
The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms
and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last
question:

"How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES""?
The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One".

The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he'll get back to her
after he had interviewed the remaining candidates.

The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end:
"How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"?
She immediately says "One". The interviewer says, "OK, we'll let you
know".

Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the questions, and
finally gets asked: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES".
She gets a very serious look on her face and starts counting her
fingers, muttering: "2, 4, 6 ...., hmmm – wait,... 2, 4, 6 .... can I
borrow your calculator please?"

After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating, she finally comes
up with the answer: "Thirty two"

The interviewer is stunned and asks her: "Ok, now tell me, how the hell
did you arrive at this answer?"

The blonde started humming.....dada,dada, dada, dada......

too funny

heard this before but still funny

i've heard most of those before but still had my mind in the
gutter.....good job

alcohol= poisoning

kewl i like that

is everybody this friendly on this site? wow