cant go to sleep till im fallin over,back hurts too bad and if i go now
ill be up tossin and turnin 4 a while yet...

im half asleep too not a good time..lol

hea im southern ok gimme a break..lol

i just posted yall canadianiens a joke..lol

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of
money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to
open a savings account because it's a lot of money. They finally get her
into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to
deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto
his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how
she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lad says, "I make
bets". The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says,
"for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square". "Ha!"
says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of
bet". The old lady says,"So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure,"
says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The
little old lady says "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is
it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to
witness?" "Sure" says the president. That night the president got very
nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror
checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again,
thouroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his
balls are square and that he will win the bet. THe next morning at 10 AM
the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office.
She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that
$25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with
the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can
see. The president does this. THe little old lady looks closely at his
balls and then asks if she can feel them. "Well, OK" says the president,
$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure".
Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the
wall and he asks the old lady , "What is wrong with your lawyer?" She
replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd
have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hands!"

purple did u see my sure fire way of quiting smokin back there?

Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that
they were in love.

One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to
Susie's father to ask him for her hand.

Johnny bravely walked up to him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in
love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well
Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied "In
Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin,
"Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll
need to support Susie."

Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a
week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and
that'll do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith was a little shocked that Johnny had put so much
thought into this. So, he thought for a moment trying to come up with
something that Johnny wouldn't have an answer for.

After a second, Mr. Smith said, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got
everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What
will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, we've been lucky so
far..."

Thats what i call a chain smoker..lol..lol..lol..lol..lol..lol

i got off cigs by smokin cigars,got off cigars by smoking pot,got off
pot by doing crack,so i guess im pretty much tobacco free
now..lol...

Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook. The first
old guy said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved his morning, I
cut my face." The second old fogey one-upped him and said, "My hands
shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my
flowers." The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands
shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times!"

An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old
girls house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't
resist taunting the girl. He holds up the football and says,
"See this football? Football is a boys game, and only boys can have a
football!".

The little girl runs into the house and cries to her mother, "I want a
football!" Being a woman of the 90's, her mother runs out and gets her
one. The next day the girl is waiting for the little boy and he rides up
on his bike.

She holds up the football... "Nah Na Nah Nah".

The little boy angrily points to his bike and says,
"Oh yeah, well this is a boys bike and only boys get boys bikes and you
can't have one!"

She runs in to mom and the next day is waiting for him on her new boys
bike.

The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants, and pointing to
his most private of parts says,
"Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!!!".

The next day he walks by and says to her,
"Well, I guess I showed you!" to which she promptly pulls up her dress,
points to her parts and proclaims "My mother tells me that as long as I
have one of these I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"

what a shame CCP and u look so sane..lol

dont know nobody ims me..

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On
his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out
back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the
tour, "What's the camel for?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a
long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when
they do, we have the camel." The Captain said "Well, if it's good for
morale, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the
fort for about 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore, so he
told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The Sarge shrugged his
shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's quarters. The Captain got
a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he
stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he
asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?" The Sergeant
replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

we get the point...sheesh..lol

get banned?..lol

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday,
and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration,
he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but
not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he
went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister
purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got
the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the
contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart
with the following note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of
wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your
sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she
wears short ones that are easier to remove".

"These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me
the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were
hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really
good".

"I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt
other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see
you again".

"When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them
away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing".

"Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I
hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love".

"P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur
showing."

i like my virginia mountains just fine thanx..lol

i lived in sterling heights mich. for a while and could damn near see
canada but was too lazy to go i guess..lol

im tooooo far away from canada mabey we could have long distance
delivery if its not there in 30 hrs. its free..lol