I grew up next door to a state trooper. A real hard ***. He was always giving me and my brother a hard time, especially when it came to our dog, Shep. He would always be yelling at the three of us. So the day that Shep got loose and came back with the troopers pet rabbit, I was terrified as to the tongue lashing that I was surely in for, so I cleaned the rabbit real nice, shampooing him and everything. I slipped over the fence and put the rabbit back in his cage in hopes that they would think he died of natural causes. The next day me and my brother were in the back yard playing kill the carrier (a type of football game), when the trooper comes to the fence with his rabbit in his arms and a puzzled look on his face. I thought I my god he's gonna flip!! Just then he says hey, have you guy's seen anything suspicious? My brother said, what do you mean. He said, well my rabbit passed away a few days ago and I buried him under the tree I my back yard. Came out this morning and found him back in his cage all washed and everything. Me and my brother just looked at each other, then I the trooper and just shrugged our shoulder's. We told him the truth years. Thank god he, he just laughed it off!!

These three guys die and meet St Peter at the pearly gates. St Peter says to the first guy. Have you never cheated on your wife. He says no, so St peter gave him a Cadillac to drive in heaven for eternity. St Peter asks the second guy the same question. He replied, ya once I cheated. So St Peter gave him a motorcycle to drive in heaven. The third was never faithful and always cheated. So St peter gave him a skateboard to ride in heaven for eternity!! Now, the guy on the skateboard comes across the guy in the Cadillac on the side of the road in tears. He says, why the hell are you in tears, you got a dam Cadillac to drive for eternity and I am on a skateboard. The guy in the caddy says, (I just saw my wife go by on a pair of roller skates)!!! Haaahhhhhahahaa

I may not have hit rock bottom, but I sure scrapped the **** out of the sides!!

Jed and his little brother are out in the barn milking the cow, when pa says to ma (don't ya think we owtta teach Jed bout sex ma)! Ma says ( well I a reckon so pa)! So pa and ma go to the barn to fetch Jed. Pa says to Jed (come on in the house Jed me and your ma wanna talk to you for a spell). So the three of them head for the house. Pa says to Jed ( Jed me and your ma wanna teach you bout sex. Do you know Anything bout sex jed)? Jed says (well no pa I a reckon not). So pa says to ma (bend over and pull ur dress up)! So then pa says (Jed, you see that hole in ma)? Jed says (well ya pa I do)! Then pa says (well waaaaaaaatch this)! So pa starts nail-n ma. Now at this point, Jeds little brother is out in the barn doing all the work! So he says (hell with this, i am not doing all this work by myself)! So he goes up to the house and busts open the door, and says (Jesus Jed, what in the hell is pa do-n to ma)!! Jed says (well do you know anything bout sex)? His little brother says (no Jed I a reckon not). So Jed says (do you see that whole in pa)? His little brother says (ya) Jed says (Well waaaaaaaatch this)!!!!! Haaahahahhha.