RubberMaid

LOL

How's going long time no post....

And I heard that you wear an apron,spatula and rubber gloves to bed

Gets drunk and spends all his money only to call the police the next day claiming to be robbed

Ghost in the machine

only for medicinal purposes




Do you smoke weed?

Corn Tortillas

Whiskey if I gotta drink it straight.... Rum if there's a coke.


Puff or Pass?

No....

Would you drink Tequila with someone you love?

Sleeps rolled up in a flour tortilla!!!!

beaner...


(hey!!!)

give you a 68.... it's a lot like 69 only you owe him one

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.

'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'



'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, 'It's Lent.'

In tears, she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?

Daniel runs up to the backdoor of his house and shouts "MOM!!!!....MOM!!!!"

His mom replies back loudly "What have I told you about shouting accross the house.... come into the living room where I am and speak to me if you have something to say."

Daniel being the obdient child that he is walks across the kithen and proceeds to walk accross the carpet and stands right next to his mom and says "I stepped in a big ole pile of dog ****... wheres the water hose?"

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight
Up to the counter and says,
"Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare checks. I'd
Really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says,
"Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a
Very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his
Mercedes,but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to
Escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to
Satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $90,000 a year."

The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bull ****ting me!"

The Social Worker says, "Yeah, well... You started it."

Needs a good spanking

Everybody who knows me uses me for "The Test"...

Everybody I know that isn't in a relationship ,(and maybe a couple who are in bad realtionships)... always without a doubt bring the new "Flavor of the Week" by me. This is so I can "check her out" is the excuse... but I know better. This is a test. A test to see if she is crazy or not.

I am like a "crazy" chic magnet. If she likes me in any shape form or fashion at that point my friend will have his answer.

She's crazy get out while you can.... Hehe and if I like her... well that's a double whammy because I'm told I don't know what's good for me!!!