lol
juste to mutch

lol not bad

lol

ok found hi 74 year old man nick is (rags1932)

not on the site anymore

that is not true ontario it dependse on the tipe of girls you look at .

yep i am no exceptions!

hey theronin75 how are you doing today!

The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing
tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity
has, until now, been unavailable.

Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time
and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the
time was right for a new type of sex manual.

EXAMPLES:

1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off:
1 slice (large) chocolate cake.

25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off:
2 slices of pizza with cheese & mushrooms.

53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off:
1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries.

53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the
trimmings.

PREPARING THE BEDROOM

Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories
burned)

ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS
Hiding the sex manual: 3

Decanting the wine: 4

Without a corkscrew: 268

MAKING THE FIRST MOVE

If you are shy: 15

If you are anxious: 43

If you beg: 100

SEDUCING THE PARTNER

If you are rich (cash): 5

If you are rich (credit card): 15

If you are poor: 200

INITIAL BODY CONTACT

Fumbling: 4

Casually rummaging around: 7

Seriously rummaging around: 42

REMOVING CLOTHES

With partner's consent: 12

Without partner's consent: 187

Removing socks by violently shaking feet: 418

AROUSAL AND STIMULATION

Blowing in partner's ear: 15

Blowing in your own ear: 2,512

DISAPPOINTMENT (after seeing partner undressed

Partner looks better with clothes on: 10

Partner wears corrective underwear: 15

Partner turns out to be of wrong sex: 100

You don't mind: 0.25

Partner wearing elevated socks: 50

DOING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME

Fumbling around: 4

Desperately trying to put something somewhere: 18

Completely missing: 126

POSITIONS

Italian (man on top; woman on bottom): 26

German (facing each other, but in different beds): 48

English (woman on top; man hiding): 15

American (both on top): 1,243

AFFLICTIONS

Leg cramp: 36

Making believe you don't have a leg cramp: 612

Sneezing (during intercourse): 7

Sneezing (during orgasm): 588

ASSORTED ACCIDENTS

Toupee slips off (if your partner knew you wore one): 5

Toupee slips off (if partner didn't know): 72

Extinguishing cigarette (in ashtray): 1

Extinguishing cigarette (in mattress): 17

Extinguishing cigarette (in partner's leg): 133

Calling your partner the wrong name: 50

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE

Shoes flew off: 15

Expression didn't change: 0.5

Room turned purple: 4

Face turned purple: 78

Earth moved: 30

If Earth actually moved: 1,234,588

Moaning in Turkish: 506

THINGS OFTEN SAID AFTER SEX

"I am so grateful": 15

"It must have been something we ate": 15

"Was it good for you?": 15

"Are you finished?": 15

TRYING AGAIN

If woman is ready: 5

If man is not: 563

ROLLING OVER AND GOING TO SLEEP

After sex: 18

During sex: 546

While parking car: 212

SLEEP

Real: 5

Faked (a good way to avoid sex-craved partner): 74

TAKING A BATH TOGETHER

In a bath: 5

In a sink: 150

In a jacuzzi: 15,269

MAKING THE BED

With partner still in it: 44 (indicates either a neatness obsession, a
severe optic disorder, or a partner who is very tired).

With you still in it: 97 (suggests extreme withdrawal and profound
dissatisfaction)

KEEPING A JOURNAL

Maintaining your own record of sexual activity will be helpful for
keeping track of weight loss. You needn't go into detail, just list the
activity and the number of calories burned.

A typical entry in a woman's journal (for example) for a pleasant
low-key sexual experience might read as follows:

December 1st: Sex with Harold

Explaining how: 12

Suggesting something different: 3

Calming terrified Harold: 40

Encouraging him to at least take off his socks: 8

Foreplay (a little of this; a little of that): 56

Intercourse (standing position): 22

Intercourse (holding Harold up): 10

Intercourse (urging him on): 5

Orgasm: not sure

Thanking Harold: 3

Waving bye-bye: 1

Total time: six minutes (taxi waiting)

Total calories burned: 160

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied
to Shemya, Alaska. The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his
wife, "Honey, I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time
alone. Instead, I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch
this!"


And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in
his altogether.


"Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!"

And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at
EASE!"

And his dick deflated again.

"Wow, that was amazing," said his wife. "Do you mind if I bring our
next-door neighbor over to see this? It's really something else!"

The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of what
he had accomplished. So the wife goes next door and comes back with a
delicious looking woman who got this guy's full attention! After a brief
pause to take her in, he said, "Now watch this." Then he said "Dick,
ten-HUT!"

And the dick sprang to life. Then it was "Dick, at EASE!"


But nothing happened. So the guy again said, "Dick, at EASE!"

But still nothing happened. So the guy now says,"For the last time, you
son-of-a-bitch, I said AT EASE!!"

Still nothing. Well, the guy was embarassed and ran off to the bathroom.
His wife made excuses for him and then joined her husband in the
bathroom, where she found him masturbating.

"What in the world are you doing?" she asked.

The guy says, "I'm givin' this son-of-a-bitch a dishonorable discharge!"

The Tiger
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate
their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a
confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed
with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get
something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a
second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are
you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service
to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more
time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone
and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn
hole."

LMAO

lol

god that wood be good

All i want fo x-mass is to see my litel girl opening her presents.
You know like the master card comershal :

Big barbe = 50$
Raping paper = 2$
Seeing her face wen she open it = priceless

like my friend theronin75 said raining and warm in quebec

you can tell a gay you love him afther a good soper

see that ofthen in canada

Antarctica - Angola

does it matter ??