Funny! NO
I just share and send its not up to me where it goes! Maybe they thought it would HELP you to laugh!

Maybe not!

Bless u!

TOP 8 MORONS OF 2008

1.. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS.
Police in Oakland , CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wh erein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot', the man shouted, 'that's not what I said!'

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart'. 'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!'
< BR>
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto , CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

Here's a little lesson from Psalm 23

This is beautiful. I hope it speaks to your Spirit!!

PSALM 23

The Lord is my Shepherd = that's Relationship!



I shall not want = That's Supply!



He maketh me to lie down in green pastures = That's Rest!



He leadeth me beside the still waters = That's Refreshment!



He restoreth my soul = That's Healing!



He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness = That's Guidance!



For His name sake = That's Purpose!



Yea, though I walk through the valley of t he shadow of death = That's Testing!



I will fear no evil = That's Protection!



For Thou art with me = That's Faithfulness!



Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me = That's Discipline!



Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies = That's Hope!



Thou anointest my head with oil = That's Consecration!



My cup runneth over = That's Abundance!



Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the day s of my life = That's Blessing !


And I will dwell in the house of the Lord = That's Security!



Forever = That's Eternity!


Face it, the Lord is crazy about you.





What is most valuable,



is not what we have in our lives, but



WHO we have in our lives!



'Do not ask the Lord to Guide your Footsteps if you are not willing to move your Feet'


Peace.





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Kids Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________


LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL'S MEDICINE!!

This is something to think about: 4 BOYFRIENDS

Once upon a time there was this girl who had four boyfriends.

She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adorned him with rich robes and
treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.

She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always showing him off
to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave
her for another.

She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind,
considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she
could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times
.

The girl's 1st boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great
contributions in maintaining her weal t h and kingdom. However, she did not
love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took
notice of him!

One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of
her luxurious life and wondered, I now have four boyfriends with me, but
when I die, I'll be all alone.'

Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, 'I loved you the most, endowed you with
the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying,
will you follow me and keep me company?'

'No way!' replied the 4th boyfriend, and he walked away without another
word.

His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.

The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life. Now
that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'No!' replied the 3rd boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going
to marry someone else!'

Her heart sank and turned cold.

She t he n asked the 2nd boyfriend, 'I have always
turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die,
will you follow me and keep me company?'

I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!' replied the 2nd boyfriend. 'At
the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.'

His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was
devastated.

Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where
you go.'

The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny
as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.

Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of
you when I had the chance!'

In truth, you have 4 boyfriends in your lives:

Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you
lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.

Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions, status an d wealth. When you die,
it will all go to others.

Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have
been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.

And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth,
power and pleasures of the world.

However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow you where ever you
go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of
you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you
throughout Eternity.

Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees,
you're in the perfect position to pray.

Pass this on to someone you care about - I just did.






The Lord has given you this day. Choose to enjoy it and be a blessing to
others.

A birth certificate shows that we were born; a death certificate shows that we died; pictures show that we lived!
Have a seat....Relax. And read this slowly.

I believe - That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe - That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe - That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe - That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe - That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe - That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe - That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe - That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I believe - That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe - That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe - That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe - That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe - That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe - That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe - That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe - That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe - That no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe - That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe - Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different

I believe - That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe - That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I believe - That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe - That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.





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A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a
> cup of coffee the same way again.
>
> A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and
> how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was
> going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting
> and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one
> arose.
>
> Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with
> water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil.
> In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs,
> and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit
> and boil; without saying a word.
>
> In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished
> the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs
> out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and
> placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell
> me what you see.'
>
> 'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.
>
> Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.
> She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the
> daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the
> shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
>
> Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The
> daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then
> asked, */'What does it mean, mother?' /
>
> *Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the
> same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The
> carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after
> being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became
> weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had
> protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the
> boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee
> beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water,
> they had changed the water.
>
> 'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks
> on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a
> coffee bean?
>
> Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but
> with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my
> strength?
>
> Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with
> the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a
> breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become
> hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the
> inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened
> heart?
>
> Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot
> water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water
> gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like
> the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and
> change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and
> trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another
> level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a
> coffee bean?
>
> May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to
> make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope
> to make you happy.
>
> The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of
> everything; they just make the most of everything that comes
> along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a
> forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of
> your past failures and heartaches.
>
> When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
>
> Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and
> everyone around you is crying.
>
> You might want to send this message to those people who mean
> something to you _(I JUST DID);_ to those who have touched your
> life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you
> really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of
> things when you are really down; to those whose friendship you
> appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life.
>
> If you don't send it, you will just miss out on the opportunity
> to brighten someone's day with this message! /
> //
> *May we all be COFFEE!!!!!!!*/
> ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **