The topic "Sadness destroys the mind" is what I felt while writing my thoughts. After it was posted, I realized that it was about my uncontrollable feelings to a person.

I have been in love with a girl for 10 years. On my fourth year of loving her, she reciprocated my feelings but we were not in a relationship. But still, I was so happy and I felt that there was nothing I can't do. We also planned our future and things that we wanted to do. But my most unforgettable moment was when she had written my white shirt in red marker a big "I love you".

On the fifth year, our paths separated due to studies. But we're still fine despite the distance between us. On the sixth year, she became so cold to me but I endured it. On the seventh year, I was already going crazy because she we only had communication at the end of the year and her messages were about pushing me away. On the eighth year, she said "stop" to me personally.

After ending things with me, I entered into a relationship with a girl who liked me so much. But she betrayed me. Another 2 ladies came to my life, but did not end well because there was a lingering feeling for my past love. This was the ninth year.

I have entered post graduate studies to be busy and to distract myself from everything that had happened to me. And I have found out through studies that I started being "not okay" when she started being cold to me. And my mind and emotions gradually got destroyed from the point that she said "stop" with the addition of the betrayal of my first girlfriend.

After that, I had been pulling myself together. And in this tenth year, I realized that I miss her. I don't know how fate will unfold, but I'm hoping that someday my love will still be able to reach out to her. Also, I'm still able to hold myself until that time comes because I'm breaking inside as time passes by.