confusus says: Man who go to bed with itchy ass, wake up with smelly
fingers!!!

FCK all I need is U

An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying
to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be
hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the
governor had failed and he
was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" and on
and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went
and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak
in the bathtub pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told
that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after
all.

Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go
upstairs to give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet.

"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around and screamed,"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU
EVER STOP!"

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

Man: "What are you doing here today?"

Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5
for it."

Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But
they pay me $25."

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more
before going their separate ways.
Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation
center.

Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"

Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."

Its the one with the wedding ring...but I like the way you all think!!!!

I have seen the night nurse...and when she says she is going to jump
your bones, you know it will hurt!!!! I would ask for another 3 hours if
I were you :)

Why do you get an extra 30 minutes?

What is the time you have to be back by?

"Cash, cheque card or charge-card?" I asked, after folding up the items
the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.

"Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and
I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

Yes...what do you think the point of me asking this question is?

What's your's?

If one woman is sucking on an ice cream cone, another is licking an ice
cream cone, and a third is biting her ice cream cone...which one is
married?

Sorry all, just got up and had to make bloody mary's....I hope after two
my eyes will open lol

If you get no answer…that can be an answer. If someone is rude, crude,
or obnoxious and they ask me a question that reflects this…then yes, my
no answer is an answer. I am not obliged to give anyone an answer if
they ask me a question, it is up to the person to give an answer or not.
For instance, someone emailed me and asked if I was married, do I have
children, and what do I like to do…well that tells me they did not take
the time to read my profile and I will not answer him.

I am with the bomb squad…if you see me running, Please keep up!!!

A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the
time.

After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to
asking her how often she has intercourse.

"Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.

The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.

"I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my
husband!"

Bill took Sandy to the doctor. After an extensive examination, the
doctor took Bill aside and said,

"I'm sorry to inform you, Bill, that your wife's mind is completely
gone."

Bill replied,

"Doctor, Im not one bit surprised at your diagnosis. She's been giving
me a piece of it every day for the past seventeen years!"

society = culture

You do not know me,
You don’t know who I am,
And yet you tell me
Your doing what you can.
If I was you friend,
Or some close to your chest,
Would you give them what
I’m getting, or your very best!
You’re not making me happy
I could tell you where to go,
But I can tell by your work
That you’ve heard it all before.
I want to talk to all my friends,
Is that so much to ask?
So please get your ass in gear,
And finish this little task.

I can feel your pain Jimi