Time to heal? How does one heal when one tries? Can one be too ugly to find the healing love? Society isn't barring coffee talk to everyone, but it is barring the possibility for altruistic love and "I exist" reciprocation. I'm well aware 'attractivenss' is a commodity in both genders, and that attractiveness is broad, but can one simply be too unattractive? And, yes, even an unattractive with symmetry can be loved, but can one be too ugly, non-symmetrical, for "her" non-financed attention, or is it that "her" heart isn't free for the unattractive? Are older women saving their last bucket-list hurrah by not settling? Are other aged woman just simply disgusted? Am I destined for an unrequited existence and, as a romantic, experiencing love is only by watching others, as a tear runs down one's eye?

How do I find happiness when I'm way unattractive, if not just ugly? I think I've reach my point of no return in useless 'hope' and searching for the great escape from loneliness. For "her" to pretend her skin doesn't crawl, paying is my only recourse? Do I need to realize that I'm too unattractive for another's romantic sincerity and that my search for hearth & home is simply a mirage? Is 'it' over? Yes, I think it's over with. When my other heart died and Katrina destroyed the hearth, I kinda knew then all was over, but I foolishly kept my life's poetic side seeking. Foolish me, right? I will never wakeup and literally smell the coffee again. I emotionally didn't want my thoughts of her to end nor coming home to her to end, so after the first 5 years of unhappiness there still was hope in wanting the return of what was lost. But now 16 years later, the wonderlust is drained of it's poetic side. So now I smell the coffee Death has handed me. Even though the smell is off, I think I'm still going to sip...

The website is practically useless! The ads are slowing the site to a crawl! The HTML is written by amateurs! The app is written by amateurs! The pages are taken over 3 to 5 minutes to complete! The ads keep renewing and so interfering with typing and I can write a full sentence before it will display due to refreshing adds! This post has taken me over 10 minutes to write so far! The screen jumps around and pics display off the screen! I have to wait over and over again between ads to even write a complete sentence! Is management purposely slowing the ad loads? Other than an incredibly slow site, all these other problems have started in the last couple of days! FIX YOUR SITE!

Of course, we all have a wish list ("Idealism is mendaciousness in the face of what is necessary" -Nietzsche ) and mine is a simple one. That is, there has to be an "In the beginning." - Genesis, and that is called a message 'response.' Let's just say the rejection rate ain't of my choosing. What have I learned from it? Well, it's called Life 101: Life is not for the faint of heart nor for the unattractive, as myself; also, being alone (loneliness "... is a dish best served cold.") is a "choice" destiny for most and a fate ("fickled finger of fate" represented as the middle finger) for others, including moi.

I am ONLY seeking a forever relationship, soulmate, audience of one, best of best friends, sandbox mate to shower mate. I am NOT interested in intimate pics, nor intimate cams, nor sex talk, nor impersonal hookups, nor impersonal encounters.

I need that someone who feels inspiration when I look at her, too. TWO who feel complete when together and miss each other when they're not. TWO who create a legendary life together and are content even if no one else knows. TWO who love their adopted kitty or dog as family. TWO who travel in adventurous ways together,  love the unknown and adversity. TWO WHO ADORE EACH OTHER and each other's grins.

Being on dating sites is the worst soul hurt one can imagine. And, yes, there is hypocrisy on my side too. I could only hope Trump experiences ("The horror... The horror...") this. I'm a Converse wearer and Left in politics. I travel a great deal, but essentially I'm a homebody with a picket-fence sensibility. If you could dig a person with presence, engageable and has opinions about everything (lol), then HELLO. It's all yada, yada, yada, if you don't like my mug. But if you think it might just be tolerable, HEY!