Almost forgot my favourite -

My mate over there dared me to come over and chat you up. would you mind saving us some time and just go ahead and slap my face?

Fancy a shag and a pizza?

(If the answer is 'no')
Ok, just a shag it is.

My fiance cheated on me on a night out, went out on to the dance floor and started making out with another guy. rather than start a scene, i just left, she ended up going home with him. we didn;t speak again for a long time, she got in touch and we talke dit over, she said it was the drinkthat did it, she was very sorry and it would never happen again so after much thought I decided everyone deserves a second chance as no one is perfect. Three moths later she did it again.

I haven't spoken to her since.

I'll forgive if it happens once and they are genuinely sorry. Twice is a pattern that's not going to break.

There's always the cheap option of indelible marker pen I suppose.

Not that I can see, but I know a great tattoo artist if you want that remedied

Cause I think it might be a bit too freaky for a first glance.

I believe in destiny and that out there is th one single person who will make us very happy.

Mind you, I also believe in Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny and that small gnomes live in my washing machine and steal my socks.

Just tell him you don't date men on account of how you used to be one.

I try to avoid singing, unless you enjoy the sound of a donkey beng castrated.

Well off the top of my head -

You don't sweat much for a fatty

Is it in yet?

By the way, I go the results back from the clinic.

What are the chances of getting your sister/mother for a threesome?

Bllody hell, it's like chucking a Mars bar up a close.

So, front door or back door?

And many others too.