To point out how beautifully crafted this piece is is to undermine its starling originality. You did a good job, Shannon. If you don't mind, I'd like to make a few comments on the poem. First, the poem begins with rhyme until in line 6. I think that line is better discarded. it'll be apt if you keep it and and concise. Then from line 6, where the poem drags, up to line 13 you seem to have crumpled it all up by creating a long line without rhyme. Also in line 14 I think the 'I guess maybe it's your fault' should read instead: I guess it's your fault, to avoid the tautology of 'maybe' and 'guess', while line 17 should rather read: my silence unheard, still 'I love you'. On the whole, I believe if reworked, this lovely love poem might win a prize. I salute your courage, Shannon. Keep writing.

To point out how beautifully crafted this piece is is to undermine its starling originality. You did a good job, Shannon. If you don't mind, I'd like to make a few comments on the poem. First, the poem begins with rhyme until in line 6. I think that line is better discarded. it'll be apt if you keep it and and concise. Then from line 6, where the poem drags, up to line 13 you seem to have crumpled it all up by creating a long line without rhyme. Also in line 14 I think the 'I guess maybe it's your fault' should read instead: I guess it's your fault, to avoid the tautology of 'maybe' and 'guess', while line 17 should rather read: my silence unheard, still 'I love you'. On the whole, I believe if reworked, this lovely love poem might win a prize. I salute your courage, Shannon. Keep writing.