Hay is for horses

story of my life. ugh.

A guilty pleasure, something that should be moderate, like sugar or alcohol, but something it's hard to do away with entirely, at least for me. On my bitter days I think codependency is just a word relationship phobic people use for intimacy. But I know there's come truth to it. Extremes are great, but spending all your time in one of them, be it codependency or coldness, is no good at all.

The only reason I'm being a total creep and cruising for dates on the internet is that I'm willing to try everything to find someone who I really resonate with. I don't want to believe that places like this are just a dumping ground for inarticulate losers. I want to believe that there are some of us who have tried many different ways of meeting people, with mixed sucess, and are here because we secretely hope that that person who will be able to look right through us to our core is wandering around here too, lost, hopeful, dreaming, suffering. Someone else who gets it. If you have to ask what it is, you'll never know. A hint is that it is an amalgam of feelings so intense they burn and the kind of random brilliant philosophical thoughts that you right down on a bar napkin and then lose. The things I write on the internet in all my yearning anonymity are like messages slipped into bottles, thrown out into the sea. I hope someone who can read them finds them.