Cher4you,

You should plan a little something :) Maybe a happy hour or something like that? :) That could be fun!

Ok, I have to admit after simply WRITING that darn post I felt much
better! haha. Guess I just needed to put it out there to really see
what the hell was going on and honestly none of your responses were any
different from my own thoughts! haha.

I posted that a couple days ago and totally forgot about it until now,
so I thought I would come back and see if I was crazy or not. Now that
I know I am not crazy (it's always good to double check by the way!) I
have already addressed the issue.

Bottom Line: You are who you surround yourself with and I am SO NOT
these people and it's time to move on! Something I already knew, but I
guess living in a new town it was sad but true to think that the few
normal people I thought I met really are not normal! DOH!

Movin on up ;)

BACKGROUND: I moved to a new city a while ago and I was lucky enough to
make two really great friends, who were just starting to become friends
on their own when we all met, and since then we have become the The
Three Bacheloretteers! The things that makes our dynamic so great is
that we each have such strong personalities, but sooooo different.

FRIEND 1 is hugely type-A and is very organized, takes control, makes
decisions, knows what she wants and persistent until she gets it, and
very familial so she is very loving and would do anything for you and
there are little boundaries to be found. Very positive and fun to be
around. Her Type-A qualities are often the glue that keeps our trips and
plans from turning into disaster. Never confrontational and very
respectful in her communication, though she tends to bottle more up than
express herself especially in conflict. Has a fear of expressing herself
and being unloved based on what she said.

FRIEND 2 is genuine, not fake. she is blunt and to the point so wether
you like it or not you will know exactly what she is thinking or feeling
at any time, she can be very selfish and will often only do things for
others if it benefits her in some way and will let you know how it
impacts her. She often needs 2nd, 3rd, 4th opinions of things and seems
to have a hard time making decisions without other peoples input. When
this friend wants something she will insist it and it is her way or the
highway and there is no interest in negotiation. She also has some
serious space issues. She likes her space and is easily offended when
it is invaded. Overall her approach is to say what she wants and if you
don't like it then "F" you. Also it is hard to hold a conversation with
her most of the time because she is so self focused that in your
mid-sentence she will start talking about something personal of hers and
she is really bad at listening in general.

FRIEND 3 (ME) is for the most part a neutral party. I have a good time
anywhere I go and can get along with most anyone so I generally dont
have too much to say unless I feel strongly towards/against something
which is rare. I have always been good about thinking outside my own
head and understanding where other people come from so I am not quick to
judge. I am a bit of a combination of the two friends. I never blurt or
vent on people, instead I am very careful with my words but make it very
clear what my point is. Never bottle up things and will point out things
right away instead of stewing on them, just very genuinely and
tactfully.

PROBLEM:
Friend1 and Friend2 are closer knit than I am because #2 always needs
advice and #1 loves to give advice, and because I tend to keep Friend2
at a safe distance. We have a good time, I care about her, but I just
feel like when push comes to shove she might not really be there for me
in a time of need. Friend2 is probably someone I would not have as a
close friend generally, but Friend1 and I are very great compliments to
one another and we seem to balance out the three of us.

Friend1 has been offended by Friend2's selfish behavior but dismissed it
as nothing personal, just her personality. Last week she had the final
offense and is now contemplating completely cutting friend2 off. What
set her off? Basically #1 and #2 exchanged housekeys. #2 freaked out
about something that #1 used up of hers and so #1 thought it would be a
nice gesture to lug the replacement upstairs to #2's apartment while she
was at work. #1 called and left a message then ventured over, put the
stuff away, hopped onto the internet for 2 seconds to get directions to
her next errand and locked up behind her. (I think they had similar
situations before that was ok by #2) but this time #2 called late that
night and made it very clear that she "never ever wanted her in her
apartment when she was not home, ever again" to which #1 simply gritted
her teeth and said "O-k".

Ultimately #1 is very familial and took the key exchange as a very
personal welcome into her life. She was made to feel like a dirty
stranger criminal person by #2's response to her nice gesture. Her
feelings are why give me a key if you do not trust me and it was helpful
to get the directions with no impact on friend2, what is wrong with
that? HUGELY OFFENDED and wondering why she has a person like this as
her friend.

#2 doesn't really know how FURIOUS #1 is except for the email stating
that she is furious, she is offended, and she mailed her keys back to
her. #2 doesnt really seem to care or be expressing any thoughts about
anything other than the dates she has been on and how much fun she had
at her salsa class, etc. Her phone call which started this was that she
never ever wanted her in her apartment when she was not home ever again
and that those keys are to be used only in an extreme emergency.

I am in the middle, I see both sides and blame it on a difference in
personalities and they are both being very extreme about it. They could
talk about it like normal adults, but they are both so extreme it will
just be a mess and noone will conform. So do I just sit back and let it
happen however it happens and let them decide what they want to do? It
seems so sad that these two are a part of their every day lives, their
families embrace each of them as a member, and its going to fall apart
like that??

Married in Indiana = Nightmare!

Nothing personal... just not for ME :) hehe

Candela,

I'm curious about the same thing! I am somewhat new to the bay and have
had the same experience! Yikes, haha!

S

Just wondering if there are any nice/normal people out here in the
Oakland/Lake Merrit area or in the city lurking on this site. Ya know,
someone to grab a drink with? Dinner? Movies? Shoot some pool? Live
music? Anything fun!