Ok Mamas boy, I`m going to tear your arm

off and beat you half to death twice.

Lemmings at twenty paces.

It`s on now

Hey stop that kind of talk Mry,

you`ll scare my little puddin pants away.

Where is my Norwegian Ice Princess?

Come hither, my queen, answer me,

say yes, say yes.

But do you have a spastic colon?

Mry, I`m not even first on my own list, take a number and wait, or take the offer below you.

Well we`ll have to wait and see what happens here, if she doesn`t marry me, then you will be on the waiting list.

The woman Who Doesn’t Exist

Come listen while I play, a song about a babe,
A babe who is already to dress up like a French maid.

She loves the Super Bowl, but not the remote control,
For her anniversary she wants a fishing pole.

She the woman, she the woman, she the woman you’re never gonna meet.

She thinks your snoring is soothing, she loves that drool on your chin,
And when she catches you with her best friend, she joins right in.

She’s never on your case, she gives you closet space,
And when she takes her makeup off you recognize her face.

She says you’re number one, she calls you hunny bun,
She loves to hear stories about other girls you’ve known.

She the woman, she the woman, she the woman whose never gonna show.

She loves to make you a sandwich, she brings you a Budweiser,
And every twenty-eight days, she gets even nicer.

She fills you with desire, she sings in the choir,
She calls your beer belley your power tire.

She loves to make you dinner, she thinks that you’re a winner,
And when you’re feeling down, she says pull my finger.

She the woman, she the woman, she the woman who doesn’t exist.


Another song, I thought was funny. Enjoy it guys.

Back off dude, she is mine, I have the resources to make her a full length lemming coat, It gets very cold in Norway in the winter time.

The Man who doesn’t exist

Come gather round my friends and Ill tell you about a man,
A man who is adored by every woman in the land,

He rides a big white horse, he’s gorgeous of course,
He never watches sports, and he has never been divorced.

He’s the man, he’s the man, he’s the man who doesn’t exist.

After sex he likes to cuddle, and then talk about your mom,
And he loves to rock out to, Celine Dion,

He’s muscular, and thin, he only has one chin,
He thinks that Cindy Crawford is way too thin,

He takes out the trash, even before you ask,
He never holds your head under the covers, when he releases gas.

He’s the man, he’s the man, he’s the man who doesn’t exist

He loves to paint your toenails, and then give you a back rub,
And when you can’t button your pants, he says they must have shrunk.

He nourishes your soul, he knows how to fold,
And all his favorite underwear is less than ten years old.

He doesn’t criticize, or tell you how to drive,
He knows that after sex, you shouldn’t give a high five.

He’s the man, he’s the man, he’s the man who doesn’t exist.

Nice little song I found.

Oslo, I`m so lonesome, please write to me, and read my email message to you.

two white dots

The young kindergarten teacher had just instructed her students to come forward as their names were called and be prepared to draw something on the blackboard that had been the cause of excitement in their homes during the previous week.

One by one the pupils came forward and sketched such items as report cards, television sets, mothers' new hats, and the like. When it came time for Johnny, the class cutup, to comply with the assignment, however, he walked to the board and simply made two white dots before returning to his seat.

Suspecting that he was up to one of his usual pranks, the teacher advised Johnny that he had better he able to explain why those two dots were exciting if he didn't want to be kept after school.

"Well," said Johnny, "the other day you told us that those dots are also
called periods-" "That's correct," the teacher interrupted. "But what could possibly be exciting about two periods?"

"Beats me," replied Johnny. "But that's how many my older sister says she's missed, and it's causing an awful lot of excitement around our house!"

Maybe you should stop feeling your testicles.

Epileptic or not.

JK with you

It takes a village to raise a nut.


Dwayne was a pain in the town`s rear end
he blew up the trailer that he grew up in.

Burnt down the church and the Junior High Gym
His own momma wouldn`t even claim him.

But Hillary Clinton says we`re to blame
She says the town ought to feel ashamed

We let Dwayne down when he need us most
We`d pray for him if our church wasn`t toast and sut
It takes a village to raise a nut.

We rebuilt the gym at the Junior high school
Dwayne popped the lock with a tire tool

He blew out the windows with a pellet gun
Spray painted some stuff about the coaches son

Albert Gore says he`s appalled
says Dwayne needs midnight basketball

We need to play ball with him
we`d play ball with him if the gym wasn`t bolted shut
it takes a village to raise a nut.

It takes a village to raise a nut
it takes tire squealing round a Pizza Hut
Takes a momma and daddy sitting on their butts
It takes a principals office without any guts
It takes a sorry Mayor and a school that sucks
Takes a lot of police and fire trucks
Takes a high school teacher who likes being kicked and cussed
It takes a village to raise a nut


We finally snapped in our senior year
Got in the truck and drank some cold beer

Followed Dwayne home from the senior prom
all the way back to his foster home

His foster mom let us in the door
said she couldn`t deal with Dwayne no more

Ripped a forty dollar tux right off of him
When we finished with him, his jaw was wired shut
It takes a village to raise a nut.



It takes a village to raise a nut
it takes tire squealing round a Pizza Hut
Takes a momma and daddy sitting on their butts
It takes a principals office without any guts
It takes a sorry Mayor and a school that sucks
Takes a lot of police and fire trucks
Takes a high school teacher who likes being kicked and cussed
It takes a village to raise a nut


By one of my favorite entertainers

Tim Wilson

ArtGurl, haven`t we met in a past life, on another site?

Thanks for the welcome folks.

I hope to be adding more soon, glad you enjoyed the Ode.

Take your pick, either one can apply.

Ode to a 'gator

Woke up feeling good with the gentle rain falling
that's when I heard the lemming girl calling
soft was the sound as she stripped off her clothes
all the way down to her red painted toes
I watched her while eating a breakfast of grits
as she googled and copied and pasted her bits
Tho' I hardly remember the night before
she kept on asking for a few copies more

Then I discovered she just wasted her life
as she teased my throat with an ol' switchblade knife
she scared me so bad , I had to change pants
when she asked me to do the wild google dance
so we monkied and twirled and we googled around
Then her hobnailed boots made a god awful sound
We danced out the door and on down to her pad
where we met up with her gun toting dad

Now here I sit some thirty years later
watching her slide down the throat of a 'gator
she was such a hottie with a burning red fire
now the inside of the gator is sure getting drier
she wasn`t a whore , just a googler for hire
now she and the 'gator are a funeral pyre
If I`d been brave and told her dad no
she may have googled a better way to go

Dry were my eyes and my heart it turned black
when I caught her googling behind my back
so with baldheaded grin and a sweet baked potater
and mashed lemming pie and a spicy tomater
I'll raise up my glass and rewrite the post
as her and the 'gator both turn into toast
so pour me some ol' whiskey river my friend
and we'll drink to those who survive to the end


copywrite M&B 19 October 2007
THE COPYING AND PASTING OF THIS WORK IN CERTAIN SITES IS GREATLY ENCOURAGED

It's all about me,,It's all about me
I've got a lot of stories to tell, and they're all about me.

I am the guy next to you on the plane,
with a big mouth, and a pea sized brain,
talking with glee excessively all about me.

You're trying to read, but you won't succeed,
by the end of this flight you'll be able to write,
a whole book about me.

I just bought a new Lamborghini,
to compensate for my small self esteemie!
Oh yeah me, me me me me all about me.

My friend's telephones are broken that's all,
or improperly installed, that's why
they don't return my calls

I've got a girl now who's perfect for me,
because she doesn't have caller ID
we talk about me, all about me
and the first minute is free.

You wanna change lanes, I don't even see
got my phone on my ear adjusting my mirror,
so I can see me.

It is so strange with, and ego this vast
that my head will still fit up my...
hat!

Why can't you see it's just astronomy
the world revolves around meeeeeee!



I found this and thought some of you might appreciate it.

a lizard when I was a kid, stuck in some tar.

I said "Don`t worry little buddy, I`ll save you"

fleeeeeck, all his legs just ripped right off.

oops, there you go, have a nice day.



He`s a snake now.