well i told her today im not really good for a relationship, too much baggage, just looking for a lover, and she seemed to appreciate the honesty and thanked me for opening my heart to her, with a kiss emoji.

so... maybe ask her out weeks from now?

SparkingCrystal, yes that's what i sense too. Shes highly self respecting and doesn't seem to be one to sleep around where as I carry my baggage around me in plain sight.

And yes mzrosie, I think also theres a pressure on her that the 3rd date would have to be equally/more intimate because once again, I'm not much of a dating material in this stage of my life.

And no there wasn't even drinks and dinner involved, I just asked her if i could kiss her at the park and after a short trip to the bathroom on her part (prob to groom) she let me, very shyly at first, which then was a full on tongue action when i asked her to see her again.

Met a woman online- 1st date brief, 2nd date 7hrs which ended up us making out/groping/french kissing on the beach. We were vague about setting up the next date so i flat out said i want to see her again and as a response she just grabbed me and kissed me hard.

I took this as a strong yes.

However on the follow up text she says she's too busy to meet me in the immediate future, and that she's not ready for a relationship- which she told me in person even before we started kissing.

Ok, so she is career oriented and busy, that much is certain.

And I already asked her out twice and got a no, like so:
-are you busy this weekend?
yes, trip overseas
-can i try asking you next week and the week after?
i am being realistic, i won't have time in the immediate future because of my schedule

Ok, The sensible me should write this off but I never had someone disappear on me after all that kissing.

So what do you think is going on and how should I approach this?

I'm thinking just a light text a week from now, along with asking her out that weekend, and then probably drop it completely.

I was doing that yesterday. 'wanna get dinner this weekend?'

She has to check her schedule of course ...

So my friend thinks its the crying. She says it couldve been a big turn off to her

I am not trying to get a validation or some permission to pursue this- thats something only i can work on from my head.

Im just venting out of frustration

And hoping through this maybe get an analysis of where it is unusual- my texting? Her behavior? Everything?

Im not trying to turn a no into yes

Aren't you guys ignoring a major part of my story? Of how intense the flirt was??

She was blowing kisses at me, the stares, then CRYING. and check off all the signs of a good first date- kiss, hands, cuddliness

It was really almost ideal

And then she does 180 on text

Im just wanting an explaination for this. But in the end only she will know. Or even she wont even know.

Hi bluegrass. This text actually happened only hours after we said farewell. She was actually sober too. I drank most of the bottle. So all that flirting at the bar and then hours later this... Maybe my kiss was lousy because i reeked of alcohol?

thank you for the sound and civil advice. we did match online, traded pics and vids for a week and the interest there was so strong we were practically exclusive. she and i actually deleted our profile as proof.

i know, it's nuts. i've never done something like that ever....

im sorry im kinda repeating what i said earlier.... rough day :(

seriously, guys, i only pushed that hard because the show of attraction on her side was too strong. i've been doing online dating for years now, couple relationships through it, and i know how the flow is.

but the way she was, was just too damn different. we couldnt stop staring at eachother, eye giggles, when i was off to bathroom she was just staring at me, telling me i'm cute countless times, asking me countless questions ('oh youre so interesting to me'), i also told her she was beautiful just as much,

and then at the wine bar, just staring in silence, after we make vague future date plans (lets go here there oh yes), and then alcohol makes me a bit depressed, she says i have sad eyes, i kinda let out a little tear, and then she looks away starts crying, i grab her hand then, tell her to stay with me tonite, but she says she has to go home (which i don't see it as rejection at that point. i've had hookups and one night stands but my long term girlfriends NEVER slept with me on the first night) before we depart i give her a kiss on the lips, and then one on her forehead.

and then that texting mess hours later....

we're in our 30s btw. shes a school teacher. seemed mentally very stable.

she did say 'lets mee again' multiple times. im telling her landmarks and she was like 'take me there' and such.

yes the flirt was verrry strong- stronger than my 2 previous ex's on our first night. that's why i thought it was a sure thing.

my exact texts were -

lets meet again. i truly like you. i wont screw this up.

her response-

i'd like to see you again but i have to be honest with you i have too much to work through before giving anyone my heart

me-

i can help you work on that

her-

it's like the last relationship took something from me... (ect,ect)

me-

i wanna give you my best. i hope you give me a chance

her-

im not ready to give anyone my heart atm

me-

so it's a no...
give it a chance please (ect. ect.)

and thats when she responded with the dreaded F word-

i can be your friend but i dont want to give you an idea its more than that.

we had a 10 hr date together which went great- couldn't stop staring eachother, kiss, hold hands, and i felt like she really liked me- wouldn't stop asking questions about me.

it was easily one of the strongest dates i ever had.

i always keep it casual on text but just the strength of attraction in person made me... text harder.

i did tell her i will treat it in my head like a date next time and she said that was fine.

i'm going to consider that my last shot at this.

klc, i do not objectify women.

all i did was confess how much i had started liking her, and then my main point mostly was to keep it casual and see where it goes.

in my experience the first part, the confession, rarely does any harm.


ands thanks for much good advises so far. im not here to argue, guys. only for insight.

i dunno. alcohol, though it wasn't much of it involved, did make me a bit sad.

im a light drinker and she knows it.

initially her reply was

'i wanna see you again but i'm not ready to love someone'

and then i pushed that with texts to where now she has friendzoned me.

um... did i mess up?

do you think there's still a chance?

so i pushed it when it should've gone slow and now she's said no since i had to force her for an ultimatum so early?

but when a girl is interested enough this doesn't really matter as much in my experience.

and the level of attraction she showed on our first date was A LOT more than what i've gotten from my recent ex's.

the level of attraction and the sudden coldness baffles me.

i cried a little bit at the bar, and she started crying with me to. to me that was a big connection.

also she did say (could be a lie) that she's started her period.... could the mood swing be a factor?

took a girl out on a first date, it went great. flirting, blowing kisses across the table, actual kiss at the end, future date plans, and we got drunk and even cried a little bit on eachother.

i was a bit aggressive on text- i like you lets go out again.

her response- im not ready for a relationship, lets meet again but only as friends.

most likely its from lack of attraction, but what she showed me in person was A LOT of attraction.

UPDATE:

i drilled her about this today. she seemed like she wasn't interested in me in general. says im not ready for a relationship, nor is she.

but she keeps saying she still wants to meet again, as friends.

i said next time we meet in my mind i'm treating it as a date.

she says thats fine.

i've never had to deal with such a mixed response. not that i get friendzoned often. its usually hard yes or no, mostly no.

what is going on here? the flirt was so strong last night- 'youre cute, nice eyes, ect' from her part with fake kisses and an actual kiss at the end, planning of future dates, and then the next day over text, this.

what do you guys think?