Mooi

Precious indeed. So far she has kept her hands off my Fender Jazz bass but no doubt that will come when she decides it's no longer too heavy for her skinny little shoulders. Love her to bits though.

Way to go. Should be more girls playing drums. Mind you, my Muppet now has three guitars and a keyboard to go with her drum kit.

Back in July 2004, two years after the death of my father, I was in back in Byfleet, England with my ex girlfriend and my Muppet, visiting my mother. While there I called in to a music shop to buy some guitar picks. All I wanted was half a dozen picks at 25 pence each. The mistake I made was letting Jessica-Marie tag along instead of leaving her at my mother's, with her mother. You have to know that the Muppet was still three and a half months away from her fourth birthday. It should have been a simple transaction. A short conversation with the shopkeeper (SK) and myself (Me) and I'd walk out with half a dozen picks and a Muppet (J-M). Easy eh? Yeah right.

SK:- Can I help you sir?
Me:- Yes, I'd like.....
J-M:- Daddy
Me:- Sweety, I'm busy. Could I see.......
J-M:- Daddy. Drums. Look.
Me:- Yes, very nice. Can you show me.......
J-M:- Daddy, I want a drum kit.
Me:- Yes, well I'd quite like a Baldwin bass, now be quiet a minute. Yes she is cute. Yeah, er, picks.
SK:- Certainly sir. Any particular picks in mind?
Me:- Yeah, I normally use medium..............
J-M:- Daddy, I want the red one.
Me:- Jessica-Marie, I am not made of money. Now let.........
J-M:- You could go busking, Daddy.
Me:- Sweety, this is West Byfleet, I'd more likely get lifted by the Old Bill.
J-M:- What's Old Bill
Me:- Coppers near retirement, as opposed to Young Bill. Now can I finish buying these picks. Medium shark fin please, mate.
J-M:- But Daddeeeeee
Me:- It's no use you 'but daddeeeeeing' me. End of story. No drum kit. Ali Benito Finito.
J-M:- But Daddy, I dream of playing drums.
Me:- Dream on, Jessica-Marie, dream on.
J-M:- I could play to your AC/DC songs.
Me:- It ain't like your Barbie doll. Played with it once, ripped it's head off and threw it in the corner.
J-M:- I'll look after them Daddy. Please, please, please, please.
Me:- Sweety, I'm a bass player. What's going to happen to my street cred if we have a drummer in the family?
J-M:- You don't love me.
Me:- Course I do. I haven't put you in the microwave for months, have I............ Aw ****, this could be expensive. Birthday and Christmas present in one, right...... Okay mate, I think you'd better box up a drum kit.
J-M:- WooooHoooo. We're on the Highway to Hell, dum, dum, dumdum, dumdum, Highway to Hell.

Forty-five minutes later her dream came true. We left the shop with one pound fifty worth of picks and three hundred friggin' quids worth of red drum kit.
Worth it though for the big grin and the chance to wake up the neighbours at 7.00 on a Saturday morning.

People in Belgium seem to have hibernated.

Thanks, folks.
She's at that age where her periods have started, her hormones are running riot and thinks she has more important things to do than visit a father 51 years older than she is.
She'll learn. I hope.

Inspired by the huge change in my daughter now she's hit 12 years old and figures life from a different point of view. Actually it's written more as a song than a poem.


It's Hard

When the child that you've loved for oh so many years
turns your world of dreams into a universe of tears
it's hard, so hard to take
when you feel your heart break

And when the child that you love throws the love back in your face
and shies away on a winter's day from a warm, loving embrace
it's hard, so hard to take
when you feel your heart break.


And a drum kit and two guitars
losing their lustre like dieing stars
remind me of the music that we made.
Photos hanging on the walls
but no one there to hear my calls
as they resonate down the hall and fade away


When a smiling little Angel with a fire in her eyes
Is too young to realise what happens when the fire dies
it's hard, so hard to take
when you feel your heart break

When the child who gave you joy now only gives you pain
and the sunshine that you used to feel has turned to ice cold rain
it's hard, so hard to take
when you feel your heart break


And a drum kit and two guitars
losing their lustre like dieing stars
remind me of the music that we made.
Photos hanging on the walls
but no one there to hear my calls
as they resonate down the hall and fade away


But you'll always love that child no matter what she does
And when you've used up all the smooth, well hell, you've got to take the rough
but it's hard, so hard to take
when you feel your heart break
yes it's hard, so hard to take
when you feel your heart break

The Mouse and the Elephant

Mouse said to the Elephant,
My dear I love you so.
Let's elope and get married
without letting anyone know.

Well, Elephant she took her time
Indeed time was required
while she thought and thought and finally
to the little Mouse she replied.

There is no other in my life
that I would rather wed
but what happens on the honeymoon
if we can't find a big enough bed

No problem there said little Mouse
we'll sleep beneath the stars
because if we sleep upon bare boards
you'll get splinters in your arse

So in a jungle clearing
they were wed by a one eyed bat
but that night, entwined in 69
Elephant squashed the little Mouse flat.


All say, aaaaaahhhhh.

Ha, ha. Not up to the beautiful stuff that you write. I generally just do humour 'cos me and serious don't bat for the same team.

Bloody Mobile Phones

Not that I really need one – my old mobile phone still works – but I thought I might treat myself to one that looks a bit prettier or maybe has a longer battery run before needing to be charged. But when all you want to do is use it to make and receive calls, all the other crap that comes with them can be a nightmare. Especially if you're not a tech freak. I mean, first it was smoke signals and a flaggy thing called semaphore. Then someone invented postage stamps so you could write to people and if you were lucky, they'd write back. Nice. Genteel. Civilised. And then the telephone appeared. Seemed simple enough. What would Alexander Graham Bell think, if he was alive today?



Choices, choices


I only went in really just to check out the selection.
Spotty faced little salesman brought out hundreds for inspection
Sony Ericson and Vodaphone, Samsung and Nokia.
L.G. and Blackberry and some from Motorola.
Slide tops, flip tops, different coloured cases.
You could even change their languages to suit the varied races.

A few were even waterproof, in case you dropped 'em while out sailing.
And you can connect to the internet to do all your e-mailing.
It was explained, not without pain, about all the applications.
You can take photos and videos and record conversations.
Big screens, small screens, touch screens in high definition.
I'm not too sure but I think I saw, one that carried ammunition.

I-phones, Smart phones, phones that boot up your computer.
Before he finished, how I wished, I was carrying a shooter
Half way through the special deals he was getting on my t*ts
So I grabbed him by his collar, and I kneed him in his bits.
Staring him right in the eye I said, "Now look 'ere son.
I only want to make phone calls, so trot out your cheapest one."