To all others that have read and not posted


My thanks for the love and support you've shown just by caring enough to take the time to read and feel just a little piece of what I was trying to share.

(((Jason))) My sanity was depleted long ago but the love I feel for him remains. As for perfection... it is something I will never have and don't want for if I had it there would be no room left for growth and without I would be a truly dull person.

(((Bob))) It is NEVER too late!!

(((H))) Thanks for sharing in my pain and my joy at the same time.

(((Denise))) There were never conditions then and there are none now. My love for him is unending as I know his for me is the same. Without all that he is I would not exist for without him I would not be the person I am. The moments I catch from him are the moments I live with friends like you at my side giving me the things he isn't here to give any longer.

(((J))) The only way I'm in any way worthy of this love is if I continue to share it with others as he shared it with me and I with him. My soul has a tear in it from the loss of this man that was my brother being lost in the physical sense. I know he is still with me but there is just this void that cannot be filled. He somehow completed me and I miss that part of him as much as I miss anything else.

Thanks for the love and support (((V)))

I would love nothing more than to fly with him but I know it is not my time and it would only hurt him for me to be there before it was time.

Alright you... stop them tears ya know I don't do that often but when I mean it so much it just has to come out!

I have truly amazing friends!!!!!

(((G)))
(((Fusion)))
(((Kevin)))
(((MzEm)))

My love and thanks to all of you for the kindness and support you have given so freely in my time of need.

Time for the mush.....

I LOVES YOU BUNCHESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOW!! Thanks Fusion!!

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!

Sending all the love and support I can muster!!

Thank God for Nuf'fin!!!

What and amazing grandma you is!!!

Powerful and moving!

Love this (((G)))

The emotion is raw but the feeling is understood.

(((Lee)))
(((DKOW)))


Love to you both my wonderful friends!

I'm not sure if these questions truly have answers that would make sense to any person living this life as we do. There may be answers but would we accept them as truth or shrug them off as something we didn't want to hear?


Sucks when I do that huh?!

Thanks Lady!!

Thanks Indigo

Chevy!!!

Thanks for reading... I wasn't sure about the ending but I guess it was the right one.

Yesterday was Lurch's birthday and it was a really long day for me as it brought back a lot of memories and made me miss him terribly. I thought that sharing a fond memory would help me get rid of some of the pain.

When Chris, Lurch, came home from the Marines I realized that he was still just the little kid that used to crawl into bed with me after having a nightmare but he had grown up a bit physically. It was nice to see that little kid again looking at me through the eyes of a man that was spreading his arms to pick me up off the ground and spin me in the biggest bear hug I'd ever gotten.
Still my best friend in the world we spent much time together getting caught up and that made us just that much closer. Yes, I was completely in awe of him and still am. We watched movies, told each other about things we had seen and done while apart, and just got closer than we had ever been.
One night while sleeping I was awakened by a very loud noise and it truly scared me but I wasn't sure what it was so I lay there quietly listening. The noise came again and I realized that it was coming from inside the house and just down the hall in Lurch's room. I listened yet again and the sound came again mixed with the sounds of him moaning in his sleep. The sound was him punching and kicking the wall near his bed. Yes, the nightmares were stronger than ever.
Suddenly, I heard him cry out and hit the wall one last time then things calmed and all I could hear was him breathing heavily. I wasn't sure if he was awake or not and I knew from experience that touching him or waking him while he was in the throws of these terrible dreams was the wrong thing to do so I just lay there listening and hoping he was alright.
Shortly I heard soft footsteps coming towards my room and his gentle knock on my door. "Sis, you awake?" This made me smile to myself just a little remembering the little kid that used to come to my room with the same question. "Yeah, you alright?" He pushed the door open and came to the side of my bed and knelt down to be closer to eye level with me and said quietly, "The demons are still chasing me."
I reached for his hand so he would know that I care and threw the covers back at the same time. He chuckled softly and climbed in bed with me. "Sis, I don't know how I ever got through these without you around but I sure am glad you're here now."
We lay there and talked till the sun came up about whatever topic came to mind till the peace was restored and he was able to sleep again. I watched him for a little while worrying that the demons would return but the fear soon left and I slept as well.
When he woke up I got another one of those hugs that only a brother and sister can share and he thanked me for being the one that can calm the demons and let him have peace.

I know that sounds like a bad thing but if you look at it from my POV it was an amazing thing... How many times in your life have you been able to say that you have truly given peace to another person when no one else could?
This is something that started when we were kids and it continued till he died. It is nice to know that I have the ability to bring peace to another and I have to thank him for showing me that I have that ability.

Chris, I love you and thank you everyday for being my best friend. I'm glad the demons are finally quiet for you.

Why do I have to get cold
To let the warmth
fill my heart?

What does it take
For you to give
the smallest things?

How do I understand
The total confusion
This life has become?

Where will I find
What cannot be lost
So deep within?

When will I find love
Through all the hatred
Spread through this world?

Who will be the one
Apart from the many
That will stay forever?

You've been missed my friend!!

Simply beautiful and so warm

Time for an update...

Last I heard from John he was actually bored. lol Said he was being kept in the barracks all the time and it was getting to him. That was several days ago and I haven't heard from him in a bit. I'm sure he is terribly busy.
Will let you know when I have more news...


Much love little brother!!!

Wow (((J))) you made me cry

What an amazing way with words and emotions you have!!