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Community > Posts By > JanDarling
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I think two people who are committed to spending their lives together can work at making it right for the rest of their lives. At times they will achieve it until new obstacles arise, and then they will begin working at that commitment again. Haha! That’s as close to a perfect marriage as I’ve ever seen. Two people who agree to do the work and never give up on each other. Yeah I think so as well, life is more to the eyes, we never anticipate bad relationships from the very beginning Certainly, no one is anticipating their divorce during their honeymoon. 
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Topic:
Persuasion Dating?
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I have very little experience with this, so I’m thinking about parallel experiences. The best purpose why something is worth looking into is often not known until one explores and gets to know what they are working with. Trying to cut to the chase for a relationship for need, interest, or speed does not sound like a good idea. If you are not in a relationship with them, then you have no obligations to them in your decisions. I have to wait on any important decision for a comfortable amount of time alone so that all the voices in my head diminish and I can make a level headed decision. Also, people change. It would be hard to know how someone is going to change. Getting them to talk about their past life experiences would help to get a broader gauge. I love the new angle you’ve brought up. People do change for the worse as well. You’re absolutely right. And it’s the scariest part of trying again with someone new, in my mind. 
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Topic:
Persuasion Dating?
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My own opinion basically is if you actually understood the message the guy passed it to you, I think to him he meant more like some Day I’m gonna have a chance at you. Maybe if he became a nicer person. Haha! He is a bully and mean spirited. So until then...no chance. True that no woman wants a bully as a companion I would never put up with this guy. My brothers would never put up with me putting up with this guy. Haha! |
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Topic:
Persuasion Dating?
Edited by
JanDarling
on
Sun 03/11/18 08:12 PM
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Yesterday I ran into a man who I’ve, tactfully, and politely, turned down for a date several times. There reason for my refusal is, but not limited to, feeling his personality rather annoying and often offensive. He leaned, way too far, into my personal space to whisper in my ear...”One of these days I will persuade you.” 
My topic isn’t about this guy. I just told the story so you know where I’m coming from with this question. Persuasion will definitely not be working here! But there are bound to be many different types of scenarios where persuasion could effect a person’s decision. Which leads to my question. Have you or would you go out with someone who had to persuaded you to accept a date invitation? And flip-side, would it be worth it to you to persuade someone whose turned you down before? Especially starting from your example, I see more than one way that "persuade" can be defined. What I'm thinking of in particular, is that some people may try to get you to see THEM differently; others may try to get you to alter your own standards and requirements or desires or expectations, so that they go from being UNacceptable, to being acceptable. I might be brought to reassess someone , and come to see them as fulfilling my basic requirements. But especially at my age, I know myself so well, that someone who wants me to CHANGE what I want and what I like, in order to take them on, will find I have no interest whatsoever. A significant part of that, is from VERY hard and painful lessons learned a long time ago. I have the standards I do for very good reasons. I learned and built them directly based on self-knowledge, and on hard-learned discoveries about other people. Someone trying to get me to alter them, is NOT acting in my best interests, they are only selfishly acting in their own. I like your perspective and can relate to an extent. Belief wise, certainly. I am not likely to change my mind about core beliefs I have built a lifetime coming to believe, after years of research and self assisment. I know who I am well enough by now too. 
Lifestyle changes and the possible acceptance of new and unfamiliar things I have not come to my own firm, educated beliefs on, I like to think I am fairly open to. On the subject of someone wanting a chance to make me see THEM in a different light than my first impressions...that one would be a little trickier. It would be hard to determine if they were truly different than my initial assesments or if they were trying to be what they believe I would want them to be in order to make me accept them. I have seen people only discover the latter were true 20 years later during their divorce proceedings.  All points worthy! One thing I have found thru my dating experiences is that people will erect complex personas to influence others. The thing about a persona is that it is basically a fake representation of themselves as a means to an end. So in reality, a lie. But, considering that my X created a fake persona to land and keep me for 25 years, sometimes the fake persona becomes their reality. However, when given the chance, they will revert to their true personality eventually. Then the monster gets out and who you thought they were turns out to be not who they actually are. Life wisdom has taught me to look and see the personas people build. Part of that wisdom is to acknowledge and value the first impressions. Part of it is watching when they don't know you are watching. Paying attention to those that are in their lives and how they react to the persona they display for you. If everything is perfect when they are around you, something is amiss, nobody is always perfect. If you being you lights my soul and me being me lights your soul We have a good chance of working out. I’ve known several others who after extremely long period, discovered the person they were with was truy another personality they only saw glimpses of over the length of their marriage. I have a theory that truly wishing they were the person they tried hard to be is the only way they could have maintained the discipline to sustain a false front for such lengths. I feel bad for them to not have been able to truly become the person they wanted to become. |
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When you see someone dragging toilet paper on their shoe, their short tail hanging out of their zipper, mustard at the corner of their mouth, their wig or toupee askew, or other potential embarrassing (for them) situations....would you tell them? I think so if they seemed friendly enough. I would not want to prolong an embarrassing situation like that if it were me. I would want to be told if it were me, but discreetly of course.  Good Samaritan.
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At the new years eve dance...below her dress was a bit of white... as the dance continued, this piece of white dropped lower and lower below her dress until it was like a tail.. Is that TP ?? We had to tell her.. Her and her guest left shortly after that..  That’s a pretty bad one! Not saying something about that, would just be cruel! There was probably little chance it would just fall away with her next step like it mightin a shoe.
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Topic:
Persuasion Dating?
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Yesterday I ran into a man who I’ve, tactfully, and politely, turned down for a date several times. There reason for my refusal is, but not limited to, feeling his personality rather annoying and often offensive. He leaned, way too far, into my personal space to whisper in my ear...”One of these days I will persuade you.”
My topic isn’t about this guy. I just told the story so you know where I’m coming from with this question. Persuasion will definitely not be working here! But there are bound to be many different types of scenarios where persuasion could effect a person’s decision. Which leads to my question. Have you or would you go out with someone who had to persuaded you to accept a date invitation? And flip-side, would it be worth it to you to persuade someone whose turned you down before? Especially starting from your example, I see more than one way that "persuade" can be defined. What I'm thinking of in particular, is that some people may try to get you to see THEM differently; others may try to get you to alter your own standards and requirements or desires or expectations, so that they go from being UNacceptable, to being acceptable. I might be brought to reassess someone , and come to see them as fulfilling my basic requirements. But especially at my age, I know myself so well, that someone who wants me to CHANGE what I want and what I like, in order to take them on, will find I have no interest whatsoever. A significant part of that, is from VERY hard and painful lessons learned a long time ago. I have the standards I do for very good reasons. I learned and built them directly based on self-knowledge, and on hard-learned discoveries about other people. Someone trying to get me to alter them, is NOT acting in my best interests, they are only selfishly acting in their own. I like your perspective and can relate to an extent. Belief wise, certainly. I am not likely to change my mind about core beliefs I have built a lifetime coming to believe, after years of research and self assisment. I know who I am well enough by now too.
Lifestyle changes and the possible acceptance of new and unfamiliar things I have not come to my own firm, educated beliefs on, I like to think I am fairly open to. On the subject of someone wanting a chance to make me see THEM in a different light than my first impressions...that one would be a little trickier. It would be hard to determine if they were truly different than my initial assesments or if they were trying to be what they believe I would want them to be in order to make me accept them. I have seen people only discover the latter were true 20 years later during their divorce proceedings.
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I think two people who are committed to spending their lives together can work at making it right for the rest of their lives. At times they will achieve it until new obstacles arise, and then they will begin working at that commitment again. Haha!
That’s as close to a perfect marriage as I’ve ever seen. Two people who agree to do the work and never give up on each other. |
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Topic:
Persuasion Dating?
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men can make the running, but the lady makes her choice...no matter what I think most of the gentlemen here will agree with this very much. It’s too bad not every man is a gentleman. It's terrible being a Gent Surely it has its perks. Like not being slapped as often as those who are not. 
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Topic:
I shouldn't have ...
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I feel them to be fairly absolute in my little circle, but agree with Mickey that my corner is just one perspective.
I do feel it’s important for every little corner to have a prescribed gauge of right and wrong that apply to everyone all of the time just to maintain a semblance of order and balance in a region. Every religion and every individual’s standards cannot all reign in any given region or there would be complete chaos, where none are truly aware of the rules they may be held accountable to despite their own religion or beliefs That may be getting a little out of the topic area though. But I do think that whatever ruler you measure another by, in your own mind, it would be hypocritical to use a different ruler when one measures oneself. |
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Topic:
Name yourself
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My parents couldnt agree on names they picked out for me: April Meredith Stephanie Blythe I never met anyone with my name until 7th grade.. Same initials as well.. As I grew up, I began to appreciate the uniqueness of my name. I love the rhythm of it. Very nice ring! Your parents had good taste. Out of those choices, I think Blythe would have been a good fit. Tho the name I do have fits me like a glove. 
Haha! I read you wrong. I thought the list was your name. Last name Blythe. I get it now!
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Topic:
Name yourself
Edited by
JanDarling
on
Sun 03/11/18 02:32 PM
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As a child I had a friend named Bailey. I remember asking my Mom when I was about 5, why she hadn’t given me a pretty name like Bailey. Haha! What first name would you have given yourself? I would certainly have called me Burt,  after my favourite movie star, .but the traditional british way of choosing names for your kids was not to leave it to the fashion of the day, but to continue a tradition of naming........first son, was named after paternal grandfather, second son after maternal grandfather, first daughter after maternal grandmother, second daughter after paternal grandmother...after that it went to the parents, so , if you were the third son, you had same name as your father........
Burt Reynolds? Probably spelled wrong. My family also insists on first names being family names. I don’t know that they follow any order really. . My Father wanted my first name to be Miya, but he knew he would offend his Mother if I wasn’t named after her Mother Zhanet. Janet is the American equal. She didn’t care for the American version, but he stood his ground and she got over it. Haha! |
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Topic:
Persuasion Dating?
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I’m not sure I’ve ever asked the same woman out more than once. Then again, I’ve never asked many out. Being choosy will surely pay off for you Joe. |
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Topic:
Persuasion Dating?
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men can make the running, but the lady makes her choice...no matter what I think most of the gentlemen here will agree with this very much. It’s too bad not every man is a gentleman. |
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Topic:
Persuasion Dating?
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Well, not really...If there is no Click, or spark...I will not persue it further... To do so would be a real drag... I think you cut out a lot of guesswork and endless question marks this way. |
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Topic:
Persuasion Dating?
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Yesterday I ran into a man who I’ve, tactfully, and politely, turned down for a date several times. There reason for my refusal is, but not limited to, feeling his personality rather annoying and often offensive. He leaned, way too far, into my personal space to whisper in my ear...”One of these days I will persuade you.”
My topic isn’t about this guy. I just told the story so you know where I’m coming from with this question. Persuasion will definitely not be working here! But there are bound to be many different types of scenarios where persuasion could effect a person’s decision. Which leads to my question. Have you or would you go out with someone who had to persuaded you to accept a date invitation? And flip-side, would it be worth it to you to persuade someone whose turned you down before? Ok, you could not blame the guy for trying ? Care for a date Jan...?....lol You are too sweet or too funny. I never know with you Bri. Haha! If you are too sweet, you are also too far. 
Never say never..? We chat, don't we ? That’s true. As long as I make it clear from the start....I am not a good southern cook. I don’t even have a deep fryer.
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Topic:
Persuasion Dating?
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I was persuaded to go out with a windower, he was lonely and just wanted a nice lady to go for coffee and meals at tmes. I said. Ok being a nice lady with compassion. I really wasn't attracted to him. He approached me at work . No I wouldn't try to persuade any man to go out with me, who had turned me down before. I like your scenario. That’s sweet! I’m sure you had nice conversation and made his days brighter with your company.
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Topic:
Persuasion Dating?
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Yesterday I ran into a man who I’ve, tactfully, and politely, turned down for a date several times. There reason for my refusal is, but not limited to, feeling his personality rather annoying and often offensive. He leaned, way too far, into my personal space to whisper in my ear...”One of these days I will persuade you.”
My topic isn’t about this guy. I just told the story so you know where I’m coming from with this question. Persuasion will definitely not be working here! But there are bound to be many different types of scenarios where persuasion could effect a person’s decision. Which leads to my question. Have you or would you go out with someone who had to persuaded you to accept a date invitation? And flip-side, would it be worth it to you to persuade someone whose turned you down before? Yes. It is my opinion that at any moment in our life we are making conclusions based on the information and events up to that point, and with every new moment new information and events can cause our perceptions and opinions to change. I feel it can be the same with a 'potential' date. The circumstances that make me weary at first could change enough that if that person has 'tried again' I may be having a different feeling about it than I did originally. A very good argument for being persuaded. I agree with this except in the cases of people who make your arm hair stand up. Haha! |
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Topic:
Persuasion Dating?
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Yesterday I ran into a man who I’ve, tactfully, and politely, turned down for a date several times. There reason for my refusal is, but not limited to, feeling his personality rather annoying and often offensive. He leaned, way too far, into my personal space to whisper in my ear...”One of these days I will persuade you.”
My topic isn’t about this guy. I just told the story so you know where I’m coming from with this question. Persuasion will definitely not be working here! But there are bound to be many different types of scenarios where persuasion could effect a person’s decision. Which leads to my question. Have you or would you go out with someone who had to persuaded you to accept a date invitation? And flip-side, would it be worth it to you to persuade someone whose turned you down before? Ok, you could not blame the guy for trying ? Care for a date Jan...?....lol You are too sweet or too funny. I never know with you Bri. Haha! If you are too sweet, you are also too far.
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Topic:
Persuasion Dating?
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Yesterday I ran into a man who I’ve, tactfully, and politely, turned down for a date several times. There reason for my refusal is, but not limited to, feeling his personality rather annoying and often offensive. He leaned, way too far, into my personal space to whisper in my ear...”One of these days I will persuade you.”
My topic isn’t about this guy. I just told the story so you know where I’m coming from with this question. Persuasion will definitely not be working here! But there are bound to be many different types of scenarios where persuasion could effect a person’s decision. Which leads to my question. Have you or would you go out with someone who had to persuaded you to accept a date invitation? And flip-side, would it be worth it to you to persuade someone whose turned you down before? Ok, you could not blame the guy for trying ? Care for a date Jan...?....lol You are too sweet or too funny. I never know with you Bri. Haha! If you are too sweet, you are also too far.
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