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Community > Posts By > Boxer_briefs
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Should I be upset or not?
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Recently I've become aware that my gf has put on a TMNT blanket on her bed, she knows how big of a fan I am, she's always known this... is this a good sign? perhaps she is welcoming me in her bed sometime during my time there?
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
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I read some of the replies and yes guy, SLOW THE F DOWN!!! Look at yourself getting all excited and planning and dictating how your perfect romantic encounter is going to be. What if she wants to make some of the plans too? You're not even giving her that chance. She is becoming unsure because you are smothering and taking all the control and no one likes that. You have the rest of your life to prove yourself to her or get what you want, no need to attempt to do it all in 2 weeks. My advice is that if you havent said ily yet, dont do it during your stay unless she does first. My advice was learned the hard way and I wish you the best of luck and hope you succeed where I have failed. I am getting excited I know this, why go without a little enthusiasum though? I'm looking at it in a good positive way. If she wants to make plans then I'm all for it, a candle lit dinner would only happen once or twice while I'm there. We have 2 weeks to do what she and I want. I'm making plans and the initial moves cause from my experience women like a man that takes charge over things but still I'm going to give her the chance to make plans, she wants to take me to the boardwalk while there, that's something |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
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Boxer, I didn't read through all of the responses. My best advice for you is to first calm down for a second and think about this without all the influence of your doubts and insecurities. I can understand how after 5 years, you are ready to jump in head first. You might feel rushed as if this is the only opportunity for things to work out that way. I encourage you to give a little more balance of control here and respect her space. It is normal for most women to feel cold footed when making big changes, while guys face it with a "no fear, jump right in" attitude. She probably wants the same things that you do, but just not all at once so quickly. The two of you are at a disagreement about the pace, not the relationship itself, you are lucky she is letting you visit at all! Most women are looking 4 a guy who can b supportive of her ideas as well as his own, so find some balance between respecting her wishes & getting what u want. U r getting some of what u want by being allowed 2 visit, now return the favor! Yeah I'm defintely calming down and do understand her view point on all this... I get how she might be feeling, I've told her that I do understand and she's says she feels better that I understand, she was worried that I'd be upset or hurt on her telling me this, so this is a good sign that she's caring about me right? We have been talking about me going back after this first visit, I told her I'd come out for halloween and we've played around on some costume possibilities, so future visits are likely. |
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Should I be upset or not?
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Can you cook at all? If you can, get some bread crumbs (preferably Panko), some olive oil, a couple chicken breasts, a lemon and salad fixings and make Chicken Milanese. It's very simple to make and you'll knock her socks off with it. Google the recipe and make it a couple times over the next few days. That way you can make it perfectly and know exactly how long it takes to make, so it's ready when she gets home. No I can't cook, I can maybe make that dish for her one of days I'm there. I'm going to be without a car though and won't know where the grocery stores are at, I'm looking at map of her neighborhood now though. She is really picky on what she eats too, so I'm not totally sure what she'd really like and not like. If you can follow instructions, you can cook. It's hard for a woman to not be impressed by a man who can cook well. It's like how you would feel if your girlfriend rebuilt your transmission for you. Yikes I just saw a recipe for the dish. I don't want to go in there and make a mess of her kitchen haha. Is there something easier than this? http://gourmetfood.about.com/od/fishandseafood/r/chickenmilanese.htm |
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Should I be upset or not?
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You sound much more positive then you sounded earlier. Happy days to you both!  I don't usually lack confidence, I'm a pretty positive guy. Things haven't been the same lovey/dovey between us since we first thought of doing the long distance relationship. She says something's been on her mind for a few months and that it's complicated so she'll tell me when I'm there. I knew something was on her mind just can't figure out what it is nevertheless I've stayed confident until yesturdays curveball on taking things slow. |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
Edited by
Boxer_briefs
on
Tue 06/21/11 01:58 PM
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Can you cook at all? If you can, get some bread crumbs (preferably Panko), some olive oil, a couple chicken breasts, a lemon and salad fixings and make Chicken Milanese. It's very simple to make and you'll knock her socks off with it. Google the recipe and make it a couple times over the next few days. That way you can make it perfectly and know exactly how long it takes to make, so it's ready when she gets home. No I can't cook, I can maybe make that dish for her one of days I'm there. I'm going to be without a car though and won't know where the grocery stores are at, I'm looking at map of her neighborhood now though. She is really picky on what she eats too, so I'm not totally sure what she'd really like and not like. |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
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Wow! You are asking me that! :D It's only wrong, if it feels wrong, when you tell her. If it feels right, then, you can tell her, if you like :) Wow! she's a lucky girl! That's what I sort of figured. Just needed to be sure after her "taking things slow and taking things a step at a time" remarks. If she's saying she wants to go slow, that isn't exactly being slow really is it? There is nothing wrong with telling someone, you love them. Time makes no difference in your feelings. I'm sure she won't be offended. You should definately tell her if you want too. She should respect your feelings, as much as you respect hers. There is a difference between respecting, and accepting. So, you are well in your rights to tell her :) Most the things I need for the dinner are within 5 minutes of walking distance, the dinner should be pretty easy to do |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
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Wow! You are asking me that! :D It's only wrong, if it feels wrong, when you tell her. If it feels right, then, you can tell her, if you like :) Wow! she's a lucky girl! That's what I sort of figured. Just needed to be sure after her "taking things slow and taking things a step at a time" remarks. If she's saying she wants to go slow, that isn't exactly being slow really is it? |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
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Leave her and make new friends I'm not leaving her, she's a keeper. |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
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Well I have been a bit nervous but that's how it goes in any relationship, but now amp it up with 5 years of history now and my first flight alone, the trip alone has me scared. I've been a great guy to her but still the possibility of her not liking me is there in my mind. Since Jan when we decided on this, I've had the most positive outlook on this relationship. Til she sprung this taking things slow situation, just makes me feel like she's having second thoughts on this whole thing It's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. She is being serious. She obviously wants to get used to you, without too many entanglements. You said you both started of as friends. I'm sure she wants to to see that friend. She better be serious cause I have been serious since way back in Jan when we decided to be together... all the passed 4 years prior has all been just friendship we got that base don't we? I'm dead serious on this girl and am willing to move if needed. The only person that seems negative about this is you. If anythings going to kill this, I have a feeling you will  I'm not negative about this, I got a little worried when she mentioned to take things slow and take things one step at a time and such. I only got worried when she said that which was yesterday. Ok so either way, what do I do to avoid killing it? be calm and easy, listen and understanding correct? am I missing anything? You listen well, I'm impressed! Yes, those things are vitally important. If you are caring about her feelings, then you are caring about her. And what's so bad about taking things a little more slowly? She is a true romantic, if you ask me. I'd certainly want to take things slowly, if I had a lovely Girl friend. Love is something that grows more and more each day. Enjoy your time together, be her lovely Gentleman friend. Everything is magical, when you are with the one you love, so make a few fond memorys, for you both to enjoy, for a life time :) I'm going to be in a tough spot being in her neck of the woods where I don't know nothing of. It's not going to be like where I live where I know where every store is and anything else I might need. I want to give her some romantic dinner but am afraid I just won't have the sources for it all, I'm thinking a pizza over a candle lit dinner? I want to be much more than her gentleman friend Well, why don't you ask her then? :) "Do you know any nice places, where we can get a pizza"? I'm sure she wouldn't mind telling you. Ask her anything that you are unsure off. Just don't ask too many questions at once. I know you want to be more then her Gentleman friend. You most likely will be, but you have just got show her your good qualitys. Remember, she wants to take things slowly. I'm sure there's a good reason for that :) I've done a little planning there is a dominos and an italian place close to her and a florist. So I want to order the pizza and have a candle lit dinner waiting for when she gets home from work with a bouquet of roses. I'll tell her to come home after work, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. Winner! :D Nice one mate! ^_^ I'd love to join you for that pizza, but I will let you, and the Lady, enjoy this one :) Hehe, All the best to you! I'm sure I can find some candles near by somewhere at a store. Keeping her room mate from spoiling things could be tough though. She'd be appreciative on the fact that I'm traveling across the whole country pretty much I'm thinking at least. I won't stop there. Would it make things worse or better if I told her "I love you?" seeing that things are going the right way? |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
Edited by
Boxer_briefs
on
Tue 06/21/11 01:13 PM
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Well I have been a bit nervous but that's how it goes in any relationship, but now amp it up with 5 years of history now and my first flight alone, the trip alone has me scared. I've been a great guy to her but still the possibility of her not liking me is there in my mind. Since Jan when we decided on this, I've had the most positive outlook on this relationship. Til she sprung this taking things slow situation, just makes me feel like she's having second thoughts on this whole thing It's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. She is being serious. She obviously wants to get used to you, without too many entanglements. You said you both started of as friends. I'm sure she wants to to see that friend. She better be serious cause I have been serious since way back in Jan when we decided to be together... all the passed 4 years prior has all been just friendship we got that base don't we? I'm dead serious on this girl and am willing to move if needed. The only person that seems negative about this is you. If anythings going to kill this, I have a feeling you will I'm not negative about this, I got a little worried when she mentioned to take things slow and take things one step at a time and such. I only got worried when she said that which was yesterday. Ok so either way, what do I do to avoid killing it? be calm and easy, listen and understanding correct? am I missing anything? You listen well, I'm impressed! Yes, those things are vitally important. If you are caring about her feelings, then you are caring about her. And what's so bad about taking things a little more slowly? She is a true romantic, if you ask me. I'd certainly want to take things slowly, if I had a lovely Girl friend. Love is something that grows more and more each day. Enjoy your time together, be her lovely Gentleman friend. Everything is magical, when you are with the one you love, so make a few fond memorys, for you both to enjoy, for a life time :) I'm going to be in a tough spot being in her neck of the woods where I don't know nothing of. It's not going to be like where I live where I know where every store is and anything else I might need. I want to give her some romantic dinner but am afraid I just won't have the sources for it all, I'm thinking a pizza over a candle lit dinner? I want to be much more than her gentleman friend Well, why don't you ask her then? :) "Do you know any nice places, where we can get a pizza"? I'm sure she wouldn't mind telling you. Ask her anything that you are unsure off. Just don't ask too many questions at once. I know you want to be more then her Gentleman friend. You most likely will be, but you have just got show her your good qualitys. Remember, she wants to take things slowly. I'm sure there's a good reason for that :) I've done a little planning there is a dominos and an italian place close to her and a florist. So I want to order the pizza and have a candle lit dinner waiting for when she gets home from work with a bouquet of roses. I'll tell her to come home after work, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. As far as my good qualities, I've been showing her how good of a guy I am with plenty of sweet things that started since we started dating. My luggage is full of little gifts for her, no one could get her a Tim Burton autograph but me! she's nuts about his movies. Would it be wrong to tell her that I love her during my 2 weeks there? |
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Should I be upset or not?
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..o.k very rarely do i give out my trade secrets,but in your case i'll make an exception..my reference comes from the movie FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH.. ... [the "five-point plan"] Mike Damone: First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV. ..follow these and you can't go wrong...  normally i wouldn't reveal my sources ..but today is your lucky day..good luck..jk Although I am from this same generation. I haven't seen this movie in years, I'm guessing I saw it way back in the 90s the last time. I wish I could see a clip clear that piece of advice up more. Only scene I remember well is Phoebe Cates taking off her top. |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
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Well I have been a bit nervous but that's how it goes in any relationship, but now amp it up with 5 years of history now and my first flight alone, the trip alone has me scared. I've been a great guy to her but still the possibility of her not liking me is there in my mind. Since Jan when we decided on this, I've had the most positive outlook on this relationship. Til she sprung this taking things slow situation, just makes me feel like she's having second thoughts on this whole thing It's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. She is being serious. She obviously wants to get used to you, without too many entanglements. You said you both started of as friends. I'm sure she wants to to see that friend. She better be serious cause I have been serious since way back in Jan when we decided to be together... all the passed 4 years prior has all been just friendship we got that base don't we? I'm dead serious on this girl and am willing to move if needed. The only person that seems negative about this is you. If anythings going to kill this, I have a feeling you will I'm not negative about this, I got a little worried when she mentioned to take things slow and take things one step at a time and such. I only got worried when she said that which was yesterday. Ok so either way, what do I do to avoid killing it? be calm and easy, listen and understanding correct? am I missing anything? You listen well, I'm impressed! Yes, those things are vitally important. If you are caring about her feelings, then you are caring about her. And what's so bad about taking things a little more slowly? She is a true romantic, if you ask me. I'd certainly want to take things slowly, if I had a lovely Girl friend. Love is something that grows more and more each day. Enjoy your time together, be her lovely Gentleman friend. Everything is magical, when you are with the one you love, so make a few fond memorys, for you both to enjoy, for a life time :) I'm going to be in a tough spot being in her neck of the woods where I don't know nothing of. It's not going to be like where I live where I know where every store is and anything else I might need. I want to give her some romantic dinner but am afraid I just won't have the sources for it all, I'm thinking a pizza over a candle lit dinner? I want to be much more than her gentleman friend |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
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Someone mentioned that they might've read this wrong, Idk if my writing was clear, let me rewrite it again really quick. 5 years ago I met a girl and we became online friends and then it turned into friends in real life. During this time we had no intentions of dating since we lived so far apart, still as friends we lost contact for about a year. She managed to find me on Facebook and Myspace and we got in contact again. Around Jan we decided to try the long distance relationship and things were awesome. Until April when she went through some stresses. 4 days away now (yesturday) she's saying how she wants to take things slow and not rush force anything. I can understand that she's nervous or scared about meeting someone online, cause I'm feeling it too my friends/family have given me heat on going to see this person who can be a 'guy' for all I know. When I go I plan on being a little affectionate like holding her hand, kissing, etc and I feel like I should let my feelings flow on this girl, tell her exactly how I feel that I love her i was the one who said that lol. i meant maybe i READ it wrong, that means i didn't want to say the wrong thing or guess at what u was talkn bout lol. but what i think is...that she was all ready to give it a go and was all excited in the beginning, now that she met u and spent time with u...she's ready to take it slow! it just seems weird to me that she would do that. idk We haven't met yet, we are 3 days away from meeting for the first time though. It's like a movie romance isn't it? wouldn't a girl be liking this whole thing? |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
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Well I have been a bit nervous but that's how it goes in any relationship, but now amp it up with 5 years of history now and my first flight alone, the trip alone has me scared. I've been a great guy to her but still the possibility of her not liking me is there in my mind. Since Jan when we decided on this, I've had the most positive outlook on this relationship. Til she sprung this taking things slow situation, just makes me feel like she's having second thoughts on this whole thing It's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. She is being serious. She obviously wants to get used to you, without too many entanglements. You said you both started of as friends. I'm sure she wants to to see that friend. She better be serious cause I have been serious since way back in Jan when we decided to be together... all the passed 4 years prior has all been just friendship we got that base don't we? I'm dead serious on this girl and am willing to move if needed. The only person that seems negative about this is you. If anythings going to kill this, I have a feeling you will I'm not negative about this, I got a little worried when she mentioned to take things slow and take things one step at a time and such. I only got worried when she said that which was yesterday. Ok so either way, what do I do to avoid killing it? be calm and easy, listen and understanding correct? am I missing anything? |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
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With everything that you have wrote I would get a hotel room near by. She has something going on, you might be ok with it or you might not, but there is something going on that has her worried. She might have just been saying stuff because she never thought you would actually see her and now she is regretting it. A hotel room would take off the pressure from her by not having a stranger fly across the country to stay at her place. Then she could come and stay there with you if she wanted to. It will be like her vacation also. Hope everything works out... She doesn't drive so her coming over might be a daily challenge for her, she'd have to depend on family or friends to drive her over and pick her up etc, and drive her to work as well. |
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Should I be upset or not?
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What if she's just preparing to end things with me? I'm almost seeing this whole slowing down thing as a prep for worse news. Then do I got a reason to be upset? Did you tell her about the tickets to come visit before or after you bought them? I told her before and after the fact that I had bought them. She'd cheer and sound happy when I told her I was planning on getting tickets. Again she cheered and was happy when I told her I had gotten them. Just come right out and ask her what is bothering her. Tell her you have noticed that she doesn't seem as excited to see you as she was. She's probably just worried and you can step in and help alleviate her concerns. This seems to be coming out on her own. She just told me somethings been on her mind for months... I was expecting to confront her on this when I saw her. She doesn't want to get into it just now cause she says it's complicated... but she is fighting something in her head she says since November (before we started dating.) |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
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Well I have been a bit nervous but that's how it goes in any relationship, but now amp it up with 5 years of history now and my first flight alone, the trip alone has me scared. I've been a great guy to her but still the possibility of her not liking me is there in my mind. Since Jan when we decided on this, I've had the most positive outlook on this relationship. Til she sprung this taking things slow situation, just makes me feel like she's having second thoughts on this whole thing It's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. She is being serious. She obviously wants to get used to you, without too many entanglements. You said you both started of as friends. I'm sure she wants to to see that friend. She better be serious cause I have been serious since way back in Jan when we decided to be together... all the passed 4 years prior has all been just friendship we got that base don't we? I'm dead serious on this girl and am willing to move if needed. |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
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What if she's just preparing to end things with me? I'm almost seeing this whole slowing down thing as a prep for worse news. Then do I got a reason to be upset? Did you tell her about the tickets to come visit before or after you bought them? I told her before and after the fact that I had bought them. She'd cheer and sound happy when I told her I was planning on getting tickets. Again she cheered and was happy when I told her I had gotten them. |
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Topic:
Should I be upset or not?
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Well I have been a bit nervous but that's how it goes in any relationship, but now amp it up with 5 years of history now and my first flight alone, the trip alone has me scared. I've been a great guy to her but still the possibility of her not liking me is there in my mind. Since Jan when we decided on this, I've had the most positive outlook on this relationship. Til she sprung this taking things slow situation, just makes me feel like she's having second thoughts on this whole thing
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