the only sport ive ever been interestin in is nascar or other kinds of
racing...ive never watched an entire ball game of any sort in my
life...i end up falling asleep bored to death...

sausage


do you fear sucsess?

oh geeze...that was late..


dont ya wish we had an edit button?


biggest*

nope ive always cared for myself.


whats your buggest dream?

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals."


i thought everybody knew ya were supposed to use the toe of your tennis
shoes

*DISCLAIMER*....DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.....

In Honor of Stupid People
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).


On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside
down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet,
eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)


On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not
enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)


On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

16 WISE THINGS

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.

2. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve its full potential, that word would
be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.


10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep
down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as
grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until
they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no
recollection of what to do with them.

What women reall mean....



FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are
right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman
looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an
even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you
inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over
"Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You
will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes"
when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, it is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at
that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that
she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will
stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a
man. "That's Okay," means that she wants to think long and hard before
paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is
often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised
Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big
trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the
chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing
whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the
truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint!! Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot"
when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have
offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud
Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she
will only tell you "Nothing."

goodnight all....ive had enough of today for this week...be well

oh he!! no...guess im gonna hafta go cold turkey...wheres that doctor
phil crack baby...i need some advice

thanks...somebody has to

as a new member here im more than a little dissapointed....we were told
that medicine was passed out at 7 and 11....i have not yet recieved mine
and would like to file an official grievance with those responsible for
making false claims

newg78....is that a picture of dr phils crackbaby or what???...its funny
as he!!

yeah...i liked lisa lopez...but i think my greatest shock came from dale
ernhardt...he was like a hero of mine for as long as i could
remember

i wish i could provide you with an answer...im like a geico caveman on a
computer...im just put away my stone tablets

im in agreement with the norton being overrated..i will likely lets its
protection expire...then likely us ca and adaware...ive had very good
luck with that combination.

theres bound to be skepticism and fear when your home has been descended
upon as we have yours...as you get to know us you will find that if
nothing else we were pretty entertaining in our former life...im fairly
new to them as well...but for the time we shared you will find a great
ammount of humor...inteligent discussion and friendly debate...sometimes
passionate debate...there are alot of conciencious deep thinkers ....as
in any group...there was some ignorance...im hoping that most of that
got lost in the shuffle and it seems to have done just that...i dont
know what you may or may not have said...and it makes no difference to
me...i dont think anyone should have to appologize for being
human...looking around at the intersting topics that are floating
around...and knowing the people that ive been amongst...i think this
will undoubtedly be the best site on the net...maybe things have changed
from what used to be...but all in all i think tomorrow will be better
than today:)

norton came with mine...both already installed...i wont know if they
function right til it gets online im guessin...i think i miss my
xp....and i havent even stopped usin it yet lol

<<<<<<-------single and lookin

thanks again for making your home our home...as far as people only
hangin out in the welcome lobby...i dont think its because they didnt
feel comfortable...being new they most likely couldnt find thier way out
lol...its been wonderful to have a new accepting home to recieve those
we otherwise may have lost if not for your warmth and kindness...so its
not like weve lost a home...it seems as though weve added a family...