hahaha

Some things that make you go hmmm....

1. Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

2. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

3. Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?

4. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

5. How do a fool and his money GET together?

6. Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?

7. How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?

8. If a train station is where the train stops, what is a workstation?

9. If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to
the pan?

10. If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a
thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

11. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?

12. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

13. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

14. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they
already know you don't have?

15. Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?

16. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

17. If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you
complain to?

18. What are Preparation A through Preparation G?

19. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

20. Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?

21. How come there aren't B batteries?

22. If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's
of times per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a
bike to deliver?

23. How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?

24. Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?

25. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

26. How is it possible to have a civil war?

27. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

28. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

29. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?

30. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

31. If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

32. Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?

33. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

34. How do you know that honesty is the best policy until you have tried
some of the others?

35. How do you throw away a garbage can?

36. How does a thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?

37. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the
mornings?

38. Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just
take the time to take the dirt out of them?

39. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

40. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when
you turn on the headlights?

41. What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

42. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

43. Why do hot dogs come 10 to a package and hot dog buns only 8?

44. Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money
into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?

45. Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he
ducks when the gun is thrown at him?

46. Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

47. Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?

48. What if the Hokey Pokey IS what its all about?

49. When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder
why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

50. What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

I really do love this country, but...

1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink.

3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the
pens to the counters.

6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.

9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille.

A koala walks into a bar one night, slams his paw down on the table, and
orders a drink. When he's done, slam goes his paw again for more. This
goes on for about half an hour, and just when he was going to do it
again, the bartender told him if he was looking for a good time, there
was some one in the back room who could help him, the koala decides why
not and goes into the back room. There he meets a prostitute who is
waiting for him. That night he has the best sex he has ever had. After
the prostitute turns to the koala and says, "How about my money," the
koala looked confused and the prostitute brought out a dictionary and it
said...PROSTITUTE: Has sex for money.

So in response the koala turn to the definition for the koala and it
says. KOALA: Eats bush and leaves.

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the
bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the
guy asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of
pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while
doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have
to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs
who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy
says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have
to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from
there.

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat
teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big
slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and
soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and
thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt
ripped and big scratches all over his body.

"Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

There was a police officer sitting in his car outside of a bar waiting
to catch any drunk drivers. A woman came out of the bar stumbling,
tripping, and swearing. The officer saw her put her keys into 6 car
doors before she found the right one. As this was happening there where
a lot of people starting to leave but the officer was focused on the
woman thinking he had her.
The woman finally started the car and began to pull out unto the
road. The officer got behind her and flicked on his lights and told the
woman to pull over on the loud speaker. The cop then got out of his car
and asked the woman had she been drinking. "NO!" The woman said
defensivly. "What makes you think I was drinking!" The officer told the
woman how he observed her tripping and stumbling around the bar's
parking lot. The woman insisted that there was no way she was drunk. The
officer finally got angry and gave her a breatherlizer test. The test
came back 0.0. The officer was furious and demanded how that was
possible. The woman smiled and said, "TONIGHT I WAS THE DESIGNATED
DECOY!"

theres nothing wrong with interracial relationships...love has no color.
besides if we were all skinned alived we would look exactly the same.
(not saying I want to expieriment)

Too Much Woman.

Is he looking at me?
Because I know I’m looking at him,
His face is so fine,
And his body so trim.
But can he really handle,
An independent woman like me?
A woman so fine,
From my head to my feet.
My appearance speaks for itself,
My inevitable beauty untamed,
But I still want to know you,
Because boy you drive me insane.
But are you as classy as I?
Can you handle my vibe?
Boy you better create a miracle,
To get between these two thighs.
Then you asked for my name,
I stare but give you no sign,
So you turn quick on you’re heels,
Baby that’s your lost not mine.
I’m not your typical woman,
Hunny I got high standards too,
Although you look like you’re confident,
I’m too much woman for you.

Why is this happening,
How could this be,
I escaped the shipwreck,
I thought I was free.

As I shoved my way through,
Quite selfishly in fact,
I stole the last lifeboat,
And never looked back.

The rich and the poor,
The blind and the deaf,
I heard all of their cries,
As they sank to thier death.

But now my fate finds me,
As my lifeboat sinks too,
I took my last breath,
As i submerged in the blue.

If you believe I deserve this,
Our beliefs would be equal,
Because I thought I was better,
Than the rest of God's people.

I could hold on no longer,
As my lungs filled with water,
And the sea claimed my life,
With the rest of its slaughter.

My life flashed before me,
Right in front of my eyes,
From child birth to manhood,
From birth until I died.