Its true....women (and men) just want to be loved and appreciated for who they are right now. To think that your partners affection for you hinges on how much weight you gain or lose over time is just crazy. What would it feel like to have to worry every day that some day, owing to illness or stress, you might gain weight and *poof* years of building a life with a person disappear - just like that. Either they leave, instigate a break, or have affairs. Rather than trying to support and help. But yes, I have heard that there are some such shallow people in the world.

Outside of initial attraction, I notice how I am treated by them.

Thanks. I will read and reread these comments and try to take them to heart.

I'm grateful.

If a lover knows that a certain couple of noxious behaviors of theirs really affect your ability to trust in them because of their past, wouldn't it stand to reason that doing these behaviors blatantly, in your face (not just in a respectful manner), could be their way of getting you to lose your cool and/or end with them?

....or is it indeed possible that such inconsiderate and selfish people actually exist in the world - are so id driven that they cannot control their impulses.

arrgh! Please clean up all the duplicate posts on this thread - somethin must be wrong with my computer or the submit button this morning. Apologies....

Yes, I believe they are used in some settings to detox from opiates and/or crack/cocaine - but I could be wrong on that one. Best to do a google search....

another duplicate post! Submit button is very sensitive this morning.

Thanks. I forgot to mention this.

Yes, many people take them and many GPs prescribe them as "band aids". I don't agree with their use in those circumstances, because they become very addictive in too short a span of time; and, often, they do not treat the underlying causes of the anxiety or depression, which antidepressants, anxiolitics, and traditional talk therapies would benefit.

As you mentioned above, in certain specific circumstances, and for certain types of chronic, severe panic, phobias, and anxiety, they can be quite useful. Best bet is for a person to talk to their psychiatrist about their psychiatric history and symptoms to determine what psychotropic medication might be best for them.

duplicate posting

They are very helpful in treating people with severe anxiety and panic - anxiety that is not alleviated by traditional anxiolitics or antidepressants. Sometimes, they are used in combination with one or more of those, in a form of a "cocktail", if you will. Benzos are highly addictive - in people prone to chemical addiction. However, in an individual with very severe anxiety that is difficult to alleviate, that paralyzes and diminishes their quality of life, many doctors feel it is worth it to prescribe benzodiazepines.

Benzos generally should never be prescribed to people with substance abuse/dependence histories or vulnerability to same. Also, it is highly likely to be fatal to mix benzos with any form of alcohol. It has happened to a couple of people I have treated.

Yes, if I was a good friend - of which I am....yes....I would find a considerate way of sharing this with them, especially if I knew they would want to know.

of being a lone and dying a lone at the end of my life....no matter when than is. It could be 50 or 60 years from now. I still have this fear....and it has been paralyzing me the past week.

What I have desired and needed most since 1999 is family and a real and meaningful love. Strength. Someone to lean on, on the few occasions I need someone to fortify my own strengths. Getting sick, getting older, sucks.

I have only myself to blame if my worst fears are realized; but, blaming myself doesn't ease my fears, doesn't solve my problem.

No one knows what the future holds, but my optimism has gone for a while and I need to get it back. I refuse to believe that I cannot get it back. The alternative isn't acceptable.

Some people of a certain ilk will say "don't look for trouble" or you just might find it. What does that tell you? Others may say "why get curious and ask or investigate if it will only ruin your life and bring heart-ache in the form of the relationship ending". These people think affairs are normal, natural, and unstoppable....and that its one's right to cheat on the other if and when they want to - as long as they "take care of business at home". Well, guess what? Inevitably, "business" doesn't get taken care of at home. The relationship or the family errodes. It is only a matter of time before the cheat gets bored and moves on to the next, too - if this is someone's pattern. There's no changing it. Some people aren't meant to be in stable relationships. Not ones of any substance, anyway.

You're right - but some people will advance when they feel pulled away from.

And, in rethinking, I guess I would tend to agree with most on this thread. A sudden lack of attention or affection or intimacy usually means someone is thinking about looking, is looking, or has located someone - elsewhere - and just doesn't have the guts to tell you....no matter how much they protest otherwise. No matter how much they accuse one of doubting them, questioning them. Behavior just doesn't change out of the blue on its own (especially when the other party hasn't drastically changed, as well).

Patterns. We must look to the patterns of the past, if indeed we have this information....Did they reast the same way the last time they got bored, lost interest, or cheated? Did they react this way every time they became paranoid or disillusioned through substance? Patterns, indeed.

I would tend to agree that this is more likely the case in situations like this. Sure, sometimes we make bad choices, or our ******** meters are broken. But often, trust is broken and cannot be repaired because the other just isn't willing to put in the effort.

.
OH you want someone to be with you til the end of time to maby we can meet or talk ok cause you want the same thing that I want ok.

Hmmm....well, last time I checked, mikecom21hotmail and i were still hanging on....by a thread.

I think we can all agree: what's the point of being in a relationship that is not affectionate in some way, whether that is verbally, through touching or being touched, or emotionally. Who would purposely put themselves in a position where they would be with someone who is selfish, insensitive, a cold fish, uncaring. Even the most self-sacrificing of us would eventually give up. There is a limit to everything; especially with someone who has a long standing pattern of fears of intimacy and relationships....someone who can't stand to be touched or touch.

You and me, both.

Possibly, with the right supports and patience; but, depending on her age, her personality, and the circumstances of her life, there is a chance she won't. If she is open to change, try to help her discover why she is uncomfortable, then work with that. Some people don't like kissing, holding hands, or hugging, and especially not in public. Sad, but true. The question to ask yourself is: "Is it something I can accept or tolerate for the long haul?" Good Luck.