A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and
brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she
know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave,
and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the
door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the
stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having
none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him
every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real
***** tonight, Dave."

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into
a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the
girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and
goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably
spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how
he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do
whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be
strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas
whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and
asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be
strong honey. I love you too!!"

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for
some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her,
placed his hand up
her skirt and began fondling her.

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were
my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a *****!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking
over a few drinks.

After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my
anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I
figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like
the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her."

After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last
anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the
Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she
would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her."

The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for
my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if
she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."