there just words ment to make you wonder

Granted my life passes by..
darkened angels whisper why.
Eyes of cloudy color burns.
lifeless skin and dead end turns.
Needing something bright to see.
Blackened ash of burned down trees.
Metal twisted black and torched..
Magnetic claws of life pressed forth.
The want of something better looms.
What i see...it comes to soon..
Blood it pours, from my eyes.
A horrid future, bound by lies.
A tale told to me, within my ways.
My mind goes blank. todays the day.
If my soul is true to form,
It will remain to be reborn.
To punish those i wish not be,
To die this day...make history.
This poem it starts to make no sense.
Time to go...maybe repent.
I don't know. just really bored.
The gun is loaded.death at my door.
The hammer cocked...bullet splatters..
Head now broken, wounds don't matter.
Try again.. bigger shells.
That did it.....

It's dark outside with a cool light breeze.
Cars are passing, half dead trees.
Thinking bout what lays ahead.
my futures dark and full of dread.
Trained my thoughts to drift ahead.
50 yrs I'm still not dead.
I know one day my turn will come.
swift and quick, I hope it's fun.
To leave with a smile and smirk on my face.
To feel accepted, somewhere and someplace.
These thoughts are curious and disturbing to some.
They are what the are, just read'em and run.
Our lives are spent wondering, what death has in store.
enjoy what you have, here now and nothing more.
I welcome my future with wide open arms.
enjoying the now and checking out stars.
feeling my future is based on my past.
It's a long road ahead and can't be that bad?

just a badbreakup and the loss of my kids to a cheating woman. which i love yet hate with all my heart, it's over i'm glad just getting it out.

This is another that i wrote this weekend.


My heart is aching, chest compressed. alone in my house deathly depressed.
I hate myself for being a fool.not seeing the signs and being a tool.
I've made my bed and sleep in it i will.broken and lonely and slowly being ill.
My weight is dropping 10 pounds in 3 days.no end is in site, slowly fading away.
depression a killer, it's consuming me whole.a fight i can't win, it's slowly taking it's toll.
I've lost everything that had meaning to me, why not my life? the ultimate fee.
exhausted I am, it hurts when i breathe, the few things that mattered, have left me to be.
if i don't write and this is my last, bury me face down and kiss my white ass.

thanks

I've waited for so many years, swallowed pride and saddened tears.
The past was rough and futures bleak, My heart is broken soul is weak.
I need you in my life, children playin, we snuggle tight.
Your breath a warm and subtle sound, soothes my heart as we lay down.
Your arms wrapped around my side, sleeping heavy our hearts combined.
I miss the comfort of your embrace, loving touch, we share our fate.
I know your love is still inside, to see your face, I wish we'd try.
no matter what we have a seed, beautiful boy mischievous indeed.
A bond that holds our lives entwined. a need for you they'll always be.
your playful banter and whispering ways, I regret not loving you more each and every day.