Hi, I am new here, but did read through the first page of posts on this topic. This is my experience. My late husband and I, out of necessity, had to move in together before marriage. We both wanted to wait until marriage, but unfortunately, that didn't happen. We were both Christians, both knew it was sinful. I couldn't repent because even though I felt bad about it, I had no desire to stop. True repentance means that you do not wish to grieve the Holy Spirit that is within you, by continuing to sin.

Before we moved in together, I was a Sunday School teacher. I was on fire for the Lord. Felt such love for and from my Savior that I felt like a newlywed. When we moved in together, not wanting to be a stumbling block, I pro-actively stepped down from the ministry. We also changed churches and were close-lipped about our relationship at our new church. As a Christian we are to avoid even the appearance of sin.

Once we started having sex, we refrained from Communion. Biblically if you eat or drink communion unworthily, with sin or unforgiveness on your heart, you eat and drink damnation or condemnation on yourself.

Eventually we finally managed to restrain ourselves until we married as we both felt such guilt. I however, continued in un-repentance as I hoped we would again resume sexual relations.

Finally we married about 14 months after we started living together. I repented finally. But we lost the blessing of marriage and never fully consummated our marriage. I truly believe it was a consequence of our earlier disregard for God's law. My husband later died 2 years, one month and 2 days after our wedding.

I wish I could say I have re-acquired my passion and fire for God. I am getting nearer. But I still struggle with distractions of this world, not sex, but just things that steal my time and focus from my calling.

I know God forgave us. He more than proved that to me as my husband sickened and died. He was palpably there helping us through that precious time saying good-bye to one another. But there are still consequences to turning my face from him in rebellion and un-repentance. It wounded our relationship, between God and myself. Exactly like infidelity wounds a marriage. There may be forgiveness and restoration, but the closeness and trust is gone.

I also see what sex outside of marriage has done to a family member, who abandoned his wife, a good Christian, for a worldly Christian. He still claims Christianity, but he no longer goes to church. He has become bitter to other Christians, even if nothing has been said about him. It has affected his walk and his testimony. He is no longer in his position of Deacon in his church. His ex-wife is treated as an outcast there, which she does not deserve. She is having trouble trusting fellow Christians and avoids church now. It has affected her walk.

Sin affects others outside of the ones involved. It destroys. The wages of sin is death. Sin causes separation from the person who loved us enough to die for us. It has consequences. It damages your relationship with the other person, and with God.

I am in no place to judge anyone else. For I have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. However, I have truly repented of all my sins. I do not intend to repeat my mistake again in the future. Should I meet a nice Christian man, he will need to have the same desire to please Christ, rather than me or himself first.

As far as adultery, if the divorce happened before you accepted Christ, I have reason to believe He forgives us that. We may still experience consequences, but we can be forgiven.

I hope this helps you to see this from a different perspective. God will always give us a way to escape from temptation, but we have to be willing to take it.