If there’s 2 things I love its writing about myself and being sarcastic. I don’t do drugs, I don’t gamble, and the only thing bad about me is the way I lie about drugs and gambling. I spend much of my free time wearing speedos at the pool while onlookers are dressing me with their eyes. I have OCD and ADD (the worst part about this is I keep forgetting to wash my hands 50 times/day) but at least the doctor gave me a neat new jacket that lets me hug myself. I’m looking for an equally neurotic and unhealthy shrew with unrealistic expectations and who becomes hostile at every unspoken, unmet need. I’m always either hungry or so if I don’t have an erection, make me a sandwich. I’m open to an unsatisfying fling that accelerates our descent as we spiral downward into an abyss of alcohol, pills, and depression. Please message me quickly - I’m having a no-life crisis, summer is coming and I’m not, I need to find someone in order to avoid getting carpal tunnel syndrome, and the women on here are giving me about as much attention as they would a check engine light. Most of the time, I don’t take myself seriously. Most of the time, you shouldn’t either. So by now I should start getting serious and list off a bunch of adjectives about what I’m like and what I’m looking for blah blah blah just like every other profile. Which we all know is BS – I mean if you’re looking for drama then you’ll find it in every person whose profile says ‘I hate drama!’ But for what its worth I can tell you a few things about me. I am an extremely energetic and playful guy. Most people guess that I’m around 30yrs old. When I bring my 10yr old daughter to the playground it is for entirely selfish reasons – she has outgrown it but I haven’t - and I can’t walk by a swing without getting on, swinging higher than the top bar, then leaping off and marking my landing as a challenge for the other kids. My personality navigates smoothly between serious and fun, sensual and sexual, and romantic and raunchy. I live in my own home and drive my own truck (well…actually my 4Runner’s name is “Tyson” and he’s technically a car, but I don’t tell him that because it hurts his feelings). Here’s some random info about me: English is my first language. Sarcasm is my second. I like to cook. I consider myself to be a good guy, but I’m not half as great as my daughter thinks I am. I’m finishing off a university degree this year. I like writing poetry. Ask me and I’ll send you some. I do P90X to stay in shape. I probably know more jokes than anyone you know. I’m goal-oriented. I wrote a book. (a fantasy novel – I use words to pluck me from reality) I believe a person’s face can say a lot about them. Especially the mouth part. When they talk about themselves. I might be happier than anyone you know. Modesty prevents me from saying I’m an amazing lover, but honesty prevents me from denying it. ;) I’m cheeky. I have a tent trailer. I love to sneeze. I’m convinced that it is an orgasm of the sinuses. I like dancing, especially after I have a few drinks in me. I’m confident, but not in an extroverted way where I have to show off. If you don’t make fun of me, I’ll probably make fun of myself to help get the ball rolling.