Let me start by saying I am NOT looking to act on what I am about to discuss. Just want a chance to talk about it with someone. It's been a couple of years now since my partner passed away. I miss him but I think I have passed through the grief and processed it pretty well. Here though is something that seriously surprised me: I didn't think about the end of his life also meaning the end of intimacy in my life but it seems like it has. During the years we were together Jim & I both got older, more limited, less capable. But we passed through all that together and were already close before we started to fail, and we were still able to enjoy each other. Now I can't seem to find the time or energy to invest in finding and getting to know someone new. And I don't know how to expect anyone new to understand and accept all my scars and disabilities. It makes me so sad. I miss it all, the gentle stuff like holding hands and kissing and the intense stuff, howling with pleasure, mine and his, and everything in between. Yes, I know it is possible to find a volunteer. I'm just not wired for quick hookups. Maybe someday I'll reach the point of sufficient desperation to try that, I don't know. Seems like there is so much I've had to give up as I got older. Do I have to accept this is gone too? How in the world do I get used to that???? Again..... just looking for someone to talk with about this.