I'd like to start by saying I suffer silently very much ....I rmember memories , and then ....its not fun . I Wish I had wonderful memories of my childhood , the only wonderful memories I have are w/ MY FAMILY ...MY BOYS.... I had parents that we're solely about themselves , it didn't matter what we did , it didn't matter who we did ...as long as whatever drugs they had they shared with my parents , they would allow them to stay and screw up the house , but stay and just ....it was hard growing up with two adults who had you as their child , but then you end up being a parent to then and your brothers , thats a harsh pain and reality to realize and do ...Now ? Now I have 2 boys I've raised up so well and respectful , as soon as they are out of this house and moved on and happy as can be I will be starting my new BEAUTIFUL WOMAN REVIVAL ...I will style my hair and wear beautiful make-up ...I will dress the way I want to dress , I will only be in my late 30's when I will be there PPPPLLLL , or if I happen to meet someone who fancies me and maybe wants to pay for me to come out and visit and get to know a california girl !!!! NOT ON A WEIRDO BASIS < I MEAN AS FRIENDS < AS CULTURED TRAVELORS AND LOVERS OF LIFE ....yet us who feel nothing but wish to feel LIFE IN OUR VEINS AGAIN :( , does anyone know how I FEEL ???