I would first like to express my admiration of this site. Whether you're here simply to socialize or to find your true love, it works. I met my girlfriend, Lori (screenname Alternativa), here. We spoke for about a year and I eventually moved from Georgia to Virginia to be with her. I now have a good home, good job and a lovely lady all thanks to Mingle. Now for the brief blurb section…What is a blurb anyway? blurb [blurb] – noun (well, easy enough to ounce) 1. a brief advertit or announcement, esp. a laudatory one: She wrote a good blurb for her friend’s novel So what am I advertising? Am I supposed to be selling cars here? And what does “laudatory” mean? laudatory [law-duh-tawr-ee, -tohr-ee] – adjective ("duh" I knew that) 1. containing or expressing praise: overwhelmed by the speaker’s laudatory remarks OK, I’m confused. I’m supposed to advertise myself…evidently very briefly…and praise myself as well. I’m the ****. How’s that? I think it fits the definition of the brief…brief praising advertit perfectly. But what kind of profile would that be? And what about a little humility? I am not praiseworthy, hardly even noteworthy. Are you still reading this? I haven’t managed to run you off yet? Fine, I’ll jot down some notes for you. Wha’d’ya wanna know? Don’t ask. If I want you to know, I might tell you. I was concieved in late 1979 *shuddering at the thought*, born in 1980, and given a name sometime in between. I was dropped on my head at three weeks old. That might explain some things you probably weren’t wondering. But you probably are now. Some time around the age of 8, I turned 9. I expect this will be a consistent trend throughout my life. It’s gonna be awfully hard to quit. I was terrified when, in 3rd grade, my teacher told me there was a skeleton inside me. Today (07-16-2009) I am 10,564 days old. If you wanna translate that into years, don’t forget the extra days in every 4th February, and the extra 4 seconds at the end of every 24 hour day. Or just look at the top of my profile if you wanna be lazy about it. My life dreams…that I can remember…are slipping on rocks in the creek in my back yard when I was a kid, going to school , and my grandma and I being chased by Gremlins. I usually forget the rest when I wake up. I have the memory of a goldfish, and an attention span to match. I tend to forget names by the time I’m done shaking someone’s hand, if I was paying attention to it in the first place. Now what was I doing? Oh yeah… I don’t care for politics or organized religion. Neither works if you ask me. But I said not to ask me. And I told you this anyways. See how this works? I’m so laid back, some might say I’m uptight about it. And I’m pretty easy going, especially when I’m on my bicycle facing downhill. I’m also really down to Earth. Gravity helps with that as it does with the easy going thing. I’ve been in school so long, I’m a professional student. Too bad the pay thing works the opposite way I’d like it to. I like being outdoors. Sure beats being in doors. Doors are typically pretty thin and don’t offer much breathing room. I’m pretty honest, but if I also told you I was a chronic liar, would you believe me? I’ve been hit by cars twice. Either people need to learn to drive, or I should learn how to cross the street. My favorite color is invisible. I’m in decent shape. It consists of some circles, some slightly curvy lines, and a few straight ones. I’m a pretty unique person...just like everybody else. I am close to my friends. Some of them only live 15 minutes away. With city traffic, that’s close. Not so close to my family. They’re all 2+ hours away. I don’t like meeting people. I don’t like people. They are responsible for destroying this wonderful planet, and people includes you. Yes, it includes me too. I’m not too fond of myself either. But I can’t help but to meet myself. That bastard follows me everywhere. I just can’t seem to get away from me. I like to think outside the box, unless it’s a refrigerator box, or a range box, or something I might sit in comfortably. Shoeboxes don’t work very well, kinda like the doors thing. I like a little drama and love games, such as “The Shawshank Redemption” and any kind of games: board games, card games, dice, and video games. And this concludes the writing of my mini profile. I’m out of smartish things to write at the moment. If you would like a more thorough profile, I’m sure one can be compiled through a list of doctors/hospitals, financial insutions, legal agencies, and other government organizations. Good luck getting the information out of them though. I don’t even think I’m privy to half of it. Otherwise, generic profiles are available if you research middle-cl, white males between ages of 24 and 32. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… Disclaimer: For those of you who lack a sense of humor, this is mine. I am either corny or sarcastic. I chose the latter in the making of this profile. It is a way of picking on the mundane profiles I see so much here. If you have one of the “I love life”, “I like the outdoors”, “I love animals”, “I’m really laid back” types of profiles, then I am picking on it. I’m not nessecarily picking on you, just your profile. For all I know, you could be a great person, just not a very creative writer. But hopefully you enjoyed my writing rather than got offended. If you were, then tough cookies. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. On a more serious note: I've stated that I am not here looking for a girlfriend. I'm here because I enjoy the forums; also I'm somewhat new to the area and interested in making some new friends with whom to enjoy conversation or activities of mutual interest. I enjoy meeting people, despite what it says above (that was me just being a smart again). Men, women, tall, short, thick, thin, orange or blue – I do not discriminate. If you like the profile or otherwise find me interesting for some strange reason, feel free to gimme a shout. But… If you can’t start a conversation with anything more than “hi,” I can’t continue it with much more than a blank stare. Sure my profile is sarcastic, tells only a little about me, and can be deceptive in some spots, but still gives at least a little something to go on. So… This is the end for now unless/until I decide to add more. I wish you a good day and bid you adieu. ............................................................ Below: some random writings of mine ............................................................ For My Love Oh Lori Lori Lori How do I love thee? Let me count the ways Impossible If each way was but one word I’d be counting for the rest of my days I love everything about you Can’t imagine life without you You are my greatest treasure You bring to an otherwise dull life Such immeasurable pleasure Now matter how far away you are When we talk I feel like you are near And when you’re out somewhere I pretend that you are here To you I hand out my heart I wish for you to take it And that we never part These are just a few of the ways It’s hardly even a start To show you the others I’ll do anything I can do In the meantime, just know this And this much is true That I so very much love you. ............................................................ ............................................................ Domination (also for Lori) Blindfolded and hands tied to the ceiling Oh what a wonderful feeling Using your fingers, your lips and your tongue Driving me wild while on this chain I am hung Touching me gently, grabbing me firmly Teasing me plenty and getting me squirming As you run your fingers up and down my body Telling me I’ve been a bad boy, I’ve been naughty What should you do with me? What’s your next move? I can’t continue to be bad, and this you shall prove I’m privileged to be punished, it’s you I should be thanking You say as you prepare to administer a spanking A paddle, a whip, or cat o’ nine tails? You think the neighbors should hear my yells One strike, two strikes, three strikes, four It hurts so good I’m begging for more Until I just can’t take anymore I am released and drop to the floor Being beaten into complete submission I want to touch you with your permission If I promise to be good, you give me a reward I love you mistress, you’re so very much adored Anything for you, tell me your demands But to fulfill these, please untie my hands Still on my knees, humbled and broken I am offered your foot as a token I take it in my hands like a piece of treasure I stroke it, kiss it, lick it for your pleasure I move up your leg with great anxiety And you tell me, “I want your tongue inside of me!” You grab me by the neck, dig your nails in deep Pull me in hard, there my head you will keep I absolutely love the way you’re tasting But you think the time’s a wasting You demand complete satisfaction And that I swing myself into action From there, a series of fantastic events Leading a wonderful love life to commence 2nds, 3rds, 4ths and 5ths, 6ths and seven Keep this up, and we’ll both be in heaven ............................................................ ............................................................ I Question If I told you I was a chronic liar, Would you believe me? If I told you I was gullible, Would you try and decieve me If I said I was smart, How would you percieve me? If I was unimaginable, Could you still conceive me? If I was an unreachable goal How would you achieve me? If I said I’m here for you, Would you recieve me? If I told you I loved you, Would you then leave me? If I told you I’m in pain, Would you relieve me? If I was a piano, Would you sit down and play me? If I was a dragon, and you a knight Would you come slay me? If I was a piece of art, Would you display me? If I was a someone famous, Would you portray me? If I gave you a loan, Would you repay me? If I told you I was running late Would you delay me? If I told you I was your master, Would you obey me? If I told you I was loyal, Would you betray me? If I never introduced myself, Would you pretend you knew me? If I am opaque, Can you still see right through me? If I was straight forward, Would you still miscontrue me? If I was far away, Would you still come to me? If I ran away, Would you pursue me? If I was out of control, Could you subdue me? If I was tied up in knots, Could you undo me? If I was starting to expire, Could you renew me? ............................................................ ............................................................ Without A man without a mind A type without a kind A word without meaning Sleep without dreaming A heart without a beat Victory without defeat Logic without a reason A year without a season A sky without a star A road without a car A life without death Breathing without a breath A second without a first Dehydrate without a thirst A haunting without a ghost A party without a host A winner without a race Settled without a place A clock without a hand A sea without a land A game without a player A city without a mayor A fear without a threat A gamble without a bet Emotion without feeling Wounded without healing ............................................................ ............................................................ To Sleep Forever I hate to wake up And face today In my dreams I wish to stay To make this happen There might be a way Where in my sleep I can forever lay Maybe in death I'll find this contrast Nothing left to solve From present, future, and past There I can find Eternal dreams alas I take in one deep breath Cause this will be my last ............................................................ ............................................................ 20 Minutes 20 minutes, the clock is ticking Not time to be picky About the words I’m picking What to write about I don’t know Can’t express feelings Or emotions show Those take too much thought Random words and time Are all I’ve got Dammit! A moments of writers’ block While I’m racing against the clock Just gotta keep typing And typing and typing Gotta quit my griping No time for distraction Just keep my fingers in action See what words come out See what this poem is about Probably about nothing The words are in my head But they need to be on paper instead They float in the air before me Try and catch them and put them into a story But a story about what? My mind is stuck in a rut No real subject comes into mind And I’m running out of time This puts me in a bind Especially to make this rhyme All I have left is about nine minutes Now this poem, I’m deeper within it Can’t keep my eyes off the clock About what should I talk? Too late to decide now But still in the beginning I couldn’t firgure out how To do any writing That might be award winning Damn, my lines are getting lame Hopefully the words I’m writing Won’t start sounding the same Although, the clock might save me And violate this goal I’ll try not to do And be caught misbehaving Oh God! Only three minutes left I have to start closing How am I going to finish this? I must start supposing How about just ending it now, Because in the time it took me To think of these last few lines My time has run out.