(((((OC, Fun, JT)))))

Congrats, Fun

Morning all

((((((suz))))

Hiya Jase, how's everything?

all is good and hows bout u

I'm just glad i'm back to being in charge and this time its offical with a pay increase. God knows I need the money. Some girls are all about living off of some guy but I like to take care of my own. I take care of my kid, my mom, and I have two brothers that live with me. Everyone wonders why I make good money but I'm always broke! I know I need to push my brothers out of the nest and make them take care of themselves but I have always been their mom. Plus they both have disabilities and things holding them back. However they aren't incapable and I need to make them step up to the plate. Any ideas? How do you motivate someone that has pretty much given up on life?

Hiya Suz and thanks!

Fun, they may have issues but as you pointed out, they're not incapable. Time to have a little talk and some tough love. Do they pay you rent? If not, it's time. Anything you'd charge them would be nothing compared to what they pay somewhere else. It's pay and help out or move out time. My mom had to do that with my brother, it was hard but it worked.

My mom gets disability and pays 200 and one of my brothers pays 200 and that is all expenses paid pretty much other then their own personal bills. I'm just sinking and they don't get it. Plus I met someone and he is awesome. However, I can't exactly say can I bring the whole damn family with me lol!!!

Well, the situation is what it is at the moment, if he can't deal, he's probably not worth it. Have you just simply told your brothers how hard a time you're having? We women are good at hiding things, maybe they don't realize? How old are they?

Morning Suz

Old enough to know better one is 27 and the other one is 25. My relationship isn't to the stage where I am going anywhere yet. However, I do need to get the ball rolling one way or the other no matter what happens there. I have tried to talk to them and it doesn't seem to be getting through. They seem to think I will keep footing the bill. I don't know if I should start the altimatums or what to do honestly and my mother is no help she is just as bad as they are. I have always been the parent.

Good morning JT

I know that feeling, Fun, I've always been the parent in my family is well, which is why I now choose to live 500 miles away from my entire family. One thing I do know, ultimatums only work if you're willing and able to follow through and willing to be hated and despised for a while, maybe a long while. Eventually, they'll get it but it might take some time for them to come around.

I know its hard. My lil family is all I have in the world and that is why its so hard for me. However I'm tired of them thinking of me as a door mat as well. I just feel like I'm stuck in a catch 22. They help me with my daughter and do what I ask most of the time. I just don't want to burn any bridges either, if that makes sense.

Is there a loving way to kick someone in the a@@? LOL!

yup, it does make loads of sense. Make a list, all the reasons to keep them around status quo, and all the reasons not to. Then prioritize the list and see which outweighs the other. It helps a lot to see it all in black and white.

Also, and this worked for one of my girlfriends, have them sit down with you and pay the bills every month. When they see it all right there in front of them, it makes an impression.

Ur AWESOME! Thanks for all of your help Suz. I really appreciate it. I've been struggling with what to do since about January. A month or two famous last words huh? lol

Years of therapy, darlin

Family stuff's tough, it always is. But people might get pissed but rarely are bridges burned to the ground, a little charred maybe.

JT you must really be tired or bored to death one of the two cause your so freakin quiet lately. What's up?

JT, are you tired or are we boring you?

just bored.the site seems to be dead this morning