Hi Yashafox, first of all thank you for the compliment! I agree the greatest gift you can give is time. When we're talking about your quality of life, you have to know when to draw the line. You have to take care of you, after all you're human and that type of stress wears on you.

I was sort of a surrogate parent/mentor to middle school kids for years and as much joy as I experienced, it gets tiresom. My thing was to take them through the process of problem solving and help them to realize that every action had consequences. You can't solve everybody's problems, it's burdensome.

Oh yeah, that was a great book!

Seeing the good.

The beauty of our souls shines in many ways. The greatest of these is love. In the spirit of loving kindness, every day a little ugliness is removed; our perspective on life grows broader and deeper.

In the spirit of love, our lives become fresher, our souls humbler; evil seems to disappear, and we learn to distinguish sinner from the sin.

Do I see the good in people?

Higher Power, let me walk in your love and see the good in all things.

Yes very much so, I see the good! It is the spirit of love that allows me to see! And that is the way Jesus saw it, he separated sin from the sinner and was able to love everyone! Thank God!

That the birds of worry and care
fly about your head
This you cannot change
But that they build nests in your hair
This you can prevent.
-- Chinese Proverb

Worry can light on our shoulders or sink its teeth into our flesh. Worry can become such a habit that it may actually take over most of our waking and dreaming hours. Worry can break down our immune system and weaken our natural ability to fight illness.

For some people worry is a full-time job and life companion. How much do each of us worry each day? This is a good question to ask when we are ready to get serious about changing our worry habits.

Once we have identified how and when we worry, we are ready to reverse the pattern. Progress, not perfection, is the key in changing our worry habits. With an open mind and willing heart we have the power to change our habit of worry into one of trust. We know as we make this change that our Higher Power is truly at work in our lives.

Today let me begin to replace my worry with trust and faith in my ability to use my resources to face whatever life brings me.

I have recently relocated to St. Louis and I worry constantly about things - getting lost is finally the least of my worries- my job that I liked so much is not panning out- my boyfriend relocated and is now looking for places to work in his profession- I worry my kids hate me - it is my FT job- I keep feeling like things won't come together....


I guess I am scared as hell

May I ask if you wrote these posts yourself? They are very good.

Some people worry all the time where worry does not contribute a positive. Why worry about things you have no control over?

Practicing detachment and the law of allowance will help you let go of worry. People create their own problems and experiences by their thought processes and actions. You can only live your own life, not theirs.

Sometimes I forget these things, but mostly I practice them. I gave up useless worry and have trained myself to accept what is, and do the best I can with that.

JB

Spending time:

All you really have to spend is your time.

How many hours do you spend watching useless re-runs and advertising on television?

I recently decided not to watch television anymore, or to limit my watching to about 5% of what I used to watch.

Last night I turned on the television and flipping channels I saw so much violence! In one scene a man was tied up and hanging and he was set on fire. Real gory. Another scene, a man was hanging upside down, and shot in the head by his torturer. By the third violent scene I ran across flipping channels, I thought to myself... so much violence. I don't remember television being to violent.........

I wanted to call the networks and complain. But that is probably a futile waste of time. So, once again, I turned off the television.

Waste of time, and an assault on my brain.

JB

no I get them in my email everyday- I love the messages and wanted to start a thread that I could share them in hopes that someone else would get something from it also-

I do not watch much tv ever- I used to also but it's such a waste of time and you are right, so much violence-

I am reading a book called boundaries currently and trying to learn what I am responsible for vs. what my boyfriend is- I tend to mother and get stressed if he does not take care of what he needs to- this is where my worrying comes into play....

As long as he is just a "boyfriend" and not a "husband," it is easier to let him live his own folly.

Don't marry a man who is not responsible and can't be trusted with his word. Then his actions will effect you directly because you are financially tied to him and his debts.

My X-husband would loose our rent money at the horse races and drive me nuts. He expected me to bare the responsibility of keeping us afloat, and I could not control his irresponsible acts. He got me into debt. Even 10 years after I divorced him I got some calls from people he owed money to. They of course could not collect from me, as I had divorced him ten years prior.

JB

Competing with others - Attitude


Some of us never liked close competition. We preferred to be clear winners or not to compete at all. We didn't like to have competitors breathing down our necks.

This attitude kept up from doing our best, and we made a mistake when we thought we were competing with others. We're actually competing with ourselves at all times, trying to do better than we did yesterday. The presence of other people only helps us to set performance standards and goals.

Once we accept the idea of self-improvement, we can delight in competition. We can take satisfaction in situations where, though we were not number one, we came in a close second instead of a sullen last.

I'll know today that I'm always working with others but only competing against myself.

If you would be loved, love and be lovable.
--Benjamin Franklin

We all desire to be loved. Our common human characteristic is our need to count in someone else's life. At least one other person needs us, we tell ourselves, when we feel least able to accept life's demands. How alike we all are. The paradox is that our own need for love is lessened when we bestow it on others. Give it away and it returns. A promise, one we can trust.

The reality about love and its path from sender to receiver and back again is often distant from our minds. More often we stew and become obsessed with the lack of love's evidence in our lives. Why isn't he smiling? Why didn't she care? Has someone more interesting taken our place? Choosing to offer love, rather than to look for it, will influence every experience we have. Life will feel gentler, and the rewards will be many and far reaching.

Loving others promises me the love I desire. But I can't expect it if I don't give it first.

My sleep is important, figure if I try and sleep at least half the day that is only half of a day I have to deal with...see I'm positive.

First of all things will get better As you become familiar things will improve!

It seems that things are constantly changing and we loose our grip, just momentarily. Stay calm look at all of your options! If you don't think there are any look closer for them. Don't make any fast/impulsive moves!


I know I am in a situation where my retirement pay is seeing a crunch. It is first of all expected, since my regular pay was 3x's what retirement is. Drop all unecessary functions and concentrate on the most important.


Consider making the children a part of the decision making process to a small extent. Give them more age appropriate responsibilties. Help them to understand why you made the decisions you made. Make them think and hold them more responsible for their decisions.

So very true!! The way I see things, when we wake up every day we can choose to be happy or miserable.

They're all good days, some are just better than others.

thanks - I am working on that aspect of not worrying as much as I can and I KNOW things could be worse- we have tried to stay positive and it may have paid off- I have an interview tonight somewhere serving at a MUCH better place and the boyfriend had a great interview today that basically offered him the position but he has one more interview tomorrow and will decide then- he was reading your response over my shoulder and said "smart lady" I agree and I thank you... I tried to quote you but not sure how you do that on this board-

So true Brynda- thanks for finding my thread.....

Goodwill

Have you ever envied someone else's good fortune? Consider the friend who calls with a different ring to her voice. Instead of sharing her troubles and woes, she proceeds to tell you good news. Something exciting, financially beneficial, glamorous, wonderful beyond belief has happened in her life. It's not a fantasy. It's one of those rare moments when a dream has come true.

"That's wonderful," you may say, meaning every word. At first.

"Why her?" You may later think. "What about me? When am I going to get a break?" As hard as we may try not to feel that way, a little jealousy, envy, and self-pity replace the joy we felt for our friend.

Most of us want other people to be successful and happy. We really do. That's not the problem. The problem comes when we think they're going to be happier or better than we are.

Sometimes we know when we're envying and resenting others. Other times it's a subtle undercurrent that we're not aware of, but it invades our lives. It may only be a slight feeling of smugness when we hear that something unfortunate has happened to someone we perceive as being more fortunate than we are.

Goodwill isn't just the name of a secondhand store or a phrase used in songs during the holiday season

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Whenever I meet someone new, male or female, I remember my "ideal relationship" list -- my list for a partner also represents most of the things I would like in my friendships. When I'm deciding whether I want someone to be my friend, I think of the things on my list that are most important to me, and where I'm willing to compromise.

"Respects my boundaries" should be at the top of my list for any relationship, and when I meet someone new, I pay attention to the signals that show me if they have this quality. I may set boundaries as simple as, "Please don't call after eight o'clock" or, "I can't see you tomorrow because I have other plans" or, "I don't feel comfortable inviting you over yet."

If these simple boundaries are ignored, I will let the relationship go, knowing that once someone ignores simple boundaries, they will most likely ignore the more important ones. Better to get out now than to repeat past mistakes.

One forgives to the degree that one loves.
--La Rochefoucauld

We all get hurt by other people sometimes. When this happens, we have choices. We can get angry and stay that way. We can act like it didn't hurt and try to forget it. We can act like a sad sack and hold a grudge. Or we can forgive.

We first have to think about how someone hurt us. It often helps to talk to the person, to tell the person that he or she hurt us. We then tell the person what we'd like from him or her to help set our relationship straight. Then we let go.

This is what forgiveness is: (1) loving ourselves enough to stand up for ourselves, (2) loving others enough to point out their behavior, and (3) letting go.

Prayer for the Day
Higher Power, help me lovingly forgive those who have hurt me.

Action for the Day
I will list five persons who have hurt me. Have I forgiven them?

Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow



There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is YESTERDAY with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. YESTERDAY has passed forever beyone our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back YESTERDAY, We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said. YESTERDAY is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. TOMORROW is also beyond our immediate control.

TOMORROW'S sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds - but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in TOMORROW, for it is as yet unborn.

This leaves only one day - TODAY. Any man can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities - YESTERDAY and TOMORROW that we break down

It is not the experience of TODAY that drives men mad - it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY and the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.

Let Us, Therefore, Live But One Day At A Time

We learn to expect the unexpected.

Serenity and satisfaction come not when we achieve some measure of precarious temporary control, but when we learn to expect the unexpected. They come when we learn the art of responding to change and accommodating the ever-shifting circumstances of our lives.

We did not choose our journey before we were born. We did not choose the fact that this journey will end in death. Naturally we want to control what we can and our lives are better when we do so. But the best part of the adventure comes in taking what life brings to us and learning how to make it work. No amount of blaming, criticism, soul-searching, or grumpiness will ever unearth the reasons why changes happen.

Our relationship can be corroded by the acid of blame, but it becomes stronger when we join together as a team to cope with the events that shape our lives.

Tell your partner one event in your relationship that you did not welcome but that brought new growth.