Why is it that I feel so guilty when I date someone,?

After my husban passed away 8 years ago, Im having a real hard time
dating, Im not here looking for a man, but friends, and I have many
here,

I have dated, but every time some one is getting to close to me I push
them away, now Im thinking , why do I do that to myself?
and I think the reason is because I feel that Im betraying him somehow
or his memory.

Im tired of being alone, it has been 8 years, why do I keep thinking
this way, and I can't help it, I thought about going to therapy, and
maybe work on this issue.

anybody would like to give me an advice ?

Girl wish I had the right answers for you, but think you just answered
that on your on. You have not been able to let go of him yet yeah its
been long enough. When you actually find that special one you will be
able to enjoy life that way again. You will never forget him he will
always be in your heart. But... when the right one comes along you will
see those fears will start to subside. Wishing you nothng but love &
that special man that will catch your heart once more!

Sounds like your own advice is great...go get some help through council.
Also, you can go on line to ''Yahoo Answers'' and post your question
there, if you want to.
The only thing I can tell you is FORCE yourself to date...but date
''the old-fashion kind of dates''...by ''old-fashion'', I mean a type of
date that is a date NOT like what the teens of today, think of dating,
though...just because a guy takes you out to eat or pays for a movie or
ect. does NOT mean that you need to have sex with him. If you date and
then wait until you get married, again, you will feel better about
yourself and him.

MORENA MY HOMEGIRL - IT IS VERY NORMAL TO FEEL LIKE THAT. U R A GREAT
PERSON, AND U NEED TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART.

P.S. IF IT HELPS U CAN DATE ME :-) AND WE CAN CHILL.

sorry about your situation morena! good luck!

Therapy will help gurly and maybe its just not time for you to move on.
Besides with friends and talking to them helps as well. :) Much love to
you Morena gurl!!

Thak you very much guys!!!
I know that I need to move on, and that is the reason why Im selling my
house, we lived here together, and it makes it harder, to have friends
who are interested in me coming here to visit, or just to say hi.. that
is one thing,,and the other thing is, that Im starting to change because
at least Im going out on dates, a few months ago I was not able to go on
dates.
so Im getting better, but still the f***ng, guilty feelings are killing
me, and is hard to deal with that...

G'mornin Morena,
Have you talked to him?? Do you believe in that kind of stuff?

Try to look at it this way....don't you think that your beloved departed
husband would want you to go on with your life and be happy?? I'm sure
he would :-)

thank you 57, I do think so,

catch I do believe in that stuff, and I always talk to him,
and get my answers in dreams.

but I just wanted to know if this is normal, there are so many people on
this site, and maybe someone, is going trough the same

I miss lonelyteardrop, because she had a problem similar to this one, is
hard I tell ya!!!
specialy when you loved him with all your heart and soul,
the pain is there for ever,
I keep asking my Lord, for how long? when is it going to go away? why ?
I keep praying to God for him and my son and I, to heal, and move on...

Hi Morena, You’re a bright person and seem to have a solid grasp on what
your issues are so I really don’t think a Therapist, Consoler or
Physiologist is going to tell you anything about yourself that you don’t
already know (personally I think all of the above are just F**ked up in
their own mind and decided on choosing their career to find out what’s
wrong with them; yet for some reason they can’t follow their own
advice).

Instead of going out on “Formal Dates” maybe just go out to become
friends, there is nothing wrong with that and it might help ease your
guilty consents’ since your not dealing with finding that ONE guy from
the first date on. That way you’re building a small select group of
friends and when you become more comfortable with the situation you can
choose to proceed further with whomever you want when you want.
Additionally you will be moving forward with someone that knows you and
knows about your past which has to make for a better understanding on
their part. Just make sure to spell out what your idea of “Friends”
means so there is no deception and they don’t feel like they are being
used and you will find yourself with some new friends that you can count
on.

Just my two-cents worth, Good luck Sweetie…

thank you Sluggo, that makes a lot of sense,,

Ohhhh Morena did not realize you were still in the same house that ya
had shared girl no wonder you can't move on! Your doing the right thing
by selling the house and starting a new life with you and your son. Girl
I can almost bet that it makes it harder for your son even being in that
house were all the memories are. You will see after you have started in
a new home it will make a big differnce. Good luck girl!

Morena, My daughter lindsay's God father & my good friend that live 2
doors down her husband "Jimmy" died of a asahma attack 3yrs ago
halloween, We still cry over him alot. when she goes on vacation he's
over he bugging me.. ;)~ she had a reading done over the phone the lady
is in CO. now, she was soo good.
It helped alot, It was really funny because he slept on the couch alot
in his boots when she went to take clothes down for them to dress him, I
said you better take his boots, he's be mad as hell! normally they
dont put them on i guess, well the lady kept saying that, He sure is
proud of his boots he keeps showing them to me. anyways! he said he
wanted her to be happy! we see him all the time. just always think of
something good about him, when you feel sad. it's probably making him
sad that he cant make the hurt go away! He would want to see you happy
again.

yea, Txs. I have to sell this house cuz he is still part of it
and I need to help my son,
he still remember the day we came home and found him dead on the bed, my
son has been going to therapy for that, Im always trying to make things
confortable for my son, I want him to move on and he also needs a father
figure, but that is a hard also, I keep getting advice from people who
love us and care and they all agree that selling the house is a good
step, for my son and I. Im a very good counselor, but Im not able to
help my son and myself with this issue,,

catch, I keep dreaming about him, and I do talk to him in my dreams, my
family think that that is a problem, but I don't see it that way!!!

Morena dreaming about your lost loved ones is not a problem for anyone
except the ones that think it is a problem. :) If it was not for my
dreams of my Mother growing up don't know how I would have dealt with
life they are what keep me going. Then when my grandmother passed which
was my mother figure those dreams once more was there for me as when my
Dad passed away 3 years ago. Our dreams is one of the ways they comfort
us so pfffffff on the ones that do not believe. Ohhhhhhhh girl it will
be a big difference after the move for you and your son for it is the
kids we must worry about and as far as the father figure Morena it is
hard but believe me he will be able to deal with that as long as he has
you by his side.

when you find the answer Morena my sister is going through the samething

Your not alone with your feelings. There are several people in this
world that have gone threw this. I have lost many loved ones over the
years, but I can't say, I have ever lost a spouse. I have been around
death enough to know I share some of the feelings you are going threw.
Somthing I do understand about death of a loved one is, that it changes
the lives of those of us left behind to live. Getting out of that house
will most definately help with your healing process. Your husband is in
a place now, where he is free of lifes challenges & pains. I never knew
him but if he loved you, he would only want you to make best.

Think you got used to being with one.Happens with devorce sometimes
too.Have to remind yourself that you are single now.Its not cheating,its
finding another to share your life with.All fair and natural.