Hey folks, this is most the 1st part to the 1st chapter of the novella I’m writing (and will hopefully self publish this summer). It’s called “An Old Man’s Stray Dogs”, it is a crime/revenge story that I have been kicking around in my head for quite a while now.

I thought I would post it and see what people think! Be harsh, I can take it hope you guys like it



“Red in the side” Sammy says as he grazes the cue ball, sending it bouncing off of the bumper and gently pushing the red three ball into the pocket. He smirks as he sinks the ball and turns to Eddie who is at the bar getting them another round, Michelob light for Sammy, and a vodka tonic for Eddie. The hour is early and besides them and Harold, the bartender, the joint was empty. Who comes into a bar at two in the afternoon anyways?

“You cocksucker,” Eddie says as he sets a beer down next to Sammy and takes an unfiltered Lucky Strike out of his pack and lights it. He looks down at the table and sees that he still has four balls left to sink, while Sammy only had to sink the 8ball to win the fifty bucks they put on the game.

Sammy grabs his glass and takes half of it down in one gulp and throws another smirk at Eddie as he takes a hit off of his own cigarette. Eddie circles the table, looking for his shot. He finds it in a bank shot that ends up sinking the twelve ball in the corner pocket he was standing in front of. He cracks his neck as he lines up his next shot. Behind him, Sammy drains his beer and slams the glass down on the table right when Eddie takes his shot. His pool cue slices across the top of the cue ball and sends it across the table. Not only did it not even come close to touching the ball he was aiming for, but it even managed to knock the 8ball closer to a pocket, giving Sammy a perfect sot to win the game. Eddie runs his hand through his brown hair, moving it out of his face as he glares at Sammy. He goes over and grabs his drink as he heads over to the juke box.

The door opens, filling the dim bar with sunlight. Connor steps through the door, takes off his sunglasses and tucks them in the front pocket of his white button up shirt. Being a regular customer, Harold already has a bottle of Beck’s in his hand for Connor.

Connor slaps Eddie on the back and pulls him over to the pool table, where Sammy is trying to line up his shot. “Boy’s I’ve got work for us.”

Eddie swallows a large gulp of vodka. “Bout’ ****in’ time Connor. I haven’t had a decent score in months. Where’s it at?”

“Seattle. And the boss says he needs me to bring a whole crew of out side talent with me. Payday for all of us boys!” Connor says as he takes a swig from his beer.

“Bull****. Who’s gonna put up enough scratch for an entire crew for one ****ing job?” Sammy mutters as he’s about to take the shot.

“The Old Man.” Connor replies as Sammy takes his shot. The cue ball glances off of the 8ball and goes right into the pocket. Sammy doesn’t even seem to notice that he just lost the game, he’s just staring wide eyed at Connor.

“Jesus.” Is all Sammy could say. Everyone with even a little toe in the criminal world knew who The Old Man was, even though no one knew his real name, not even his own son Dimitri. Old school Russian mafia is what he was. Some say he was ex-KGB, but those rumors were unfounded. But it was known that he was “Vor” by birthright, meaning his father was also high in the food chain in the mafia when The Old Man was born, thus guaranteeing his place in the organization. He came to America back in the 70’s and carved himself a large chunk of the Seattle territories from the flesh of his competition, literally. He had a reputation for taking the arms of whoever opposed him and feeding them to his dogs. By the beginning of the 80’s, The Old Man had secured complete control over all criminal syndicates in Seattl, hell, everyone working in the greater state of Washington and northern Oregon paid a little tribute to him out of any major jobs that were pulled in order to stay on good side of the maniac that Connor has just made their new employer.

Eddie reaches over and takes Sammy’s fifty dollar bill off of the pool table and quickly pockets it before downing the rest of his drink.
___

cool

this is good stuff babe

thanks hun!


and thanks to you as well mirror

Love it....

cool stuff my man, I was trying to be hard on it, but that was just good.

thanks alot guys! glad you like it!

like it enough to buy it when it hits stores?

You did a great job so far. Keep it up.

it sounds (JUST A LITTLE) like your trying to hard)
make it descriptive enough, but leave a cliff hanger to hook the readers

yeah, my 1st draft of going to be a bit over done, but once it goes to the editor its going to get cleaned up a bit. thanks though guys! you're all giving me good hopes for this book!!

bump!

I see a future best seller!!brilliant

nice job

thanks ladies!

bump, just cause i could use some more feedback before i continue with the novel...

aww my babys boook!!!!!

If you're self publishing, there's not going to be an editor unless you're buying a package from some place like Wheatmark or iUniverse. You'll need to clean this up yourself, which is a good discipline.

actually, a friend of mine edited it a bit for me. but when its published, it will be edited as part of the package deal (which you mentioned before)

Pretty nice so far...you already have some good suggestions too.

All the best!

thanks!