When you have a child, do you settle for less in a relationship?
Less might be the wrong term, but its the word Im thinking of. So if that offends anyone. how much do you change your standards for a relationship when you have a child?

Im honest and respectful(not online LOL), I work, and Im dependable. I feel like Im being settled for though, and its kind of ruining things. If she didnt have the child, she would probably be a different person and wouldnt like me, but then I probably wouldnt be able to connect with her, and wouldnt like her.

I know age is important here, at least for me. But I dont connect with anyone that I meet. I tried accepting people who had parents to actually support them and help them in life, I didnt like being around them, and honestly I can see why people cheat when a relationship is like that. Im starting to like the person Im meeting, but I dont want an unbalanced relationship, and its hard enough deciding on the life style, let alone the reasons behind it.

feel free to message me if you feel your answer may be inappropriate. Im actually curious, not looking for a debate or pointless spam replies.

Disclaimer: I can't speak from personal experience, because I don't have kids, I will never have kids, and I don't get involved with people who do have kids.

But -- I have known a number of women who have been in problematic relationships, whose conversations inevitably go something like: "Well, yeah, he drinks too much, and I don't know where he is half the time, or what he's doing....but he's good with the kids."

So I think, at least in some of these cases, those women have "settled" for someone, primarily for the purpose of adding a (hopefully) stable male influence into their kids' lives.

There's usually an aura of "sacrifice" surrounding the admission, too....a sort of "I'm not happy, but it's more important that the kids are happy" overtone.

On one hand, I think it's admirable for a mother to put her children's needs before her own. On the other, I wonder how realistic it is to presume that all of the man's recognized negatives will either vanish or somehow become more tolerable over time. At what point does her dissatisfaction become clear enough that the kids can see it and sense it?

I don't know. I don't have any answers. But I have seen this "settling" mentality in action and I see great potential for problems there, in many cases.

I'm not sure I'm completely understanding your question. But, to answer what I think you want to know, no, I don't settle for less because I have a child. If anything, my standards have risen, not only does the person I'm with have to be worthy of me, he has to be worthy of my son. I won't bring just anyone into his life and if I think someone won't be right for him, I'd have to end the relationship.

I think having children raised my standards. Which is probably why I have been single for so long! I am not willing to put up with certain things now that I have kids in my house. If I were to have a relationship I would want it to be one that set a good example for my girls. Children learn what they live and I want them to know what a healthy happy relationship is.

im a single parent and my expectations in a partner have probably increased...im cant think of just myself now when i choose a partner i have to put my sons needs into the thought too... i met a guy last year who basically told me his needs should be put before my sons and unfortunatley thats a no no, he would have to be the kind of man who realises he may not be number one all the time and who also sets a good example to my son also if at anytime my son didnt feel safe or happy with this guy then unfornately things would have to be sorted, he will always come first, hes a child my life and love.

TY all

I dont want it to be one of those relationships where she accepts any faults just to have stability and not be single. I see more of that then any other kind of relationship. specially online and in movies, but very often IRL.

but, I dont want an unbalanced relationship where she puts the child before me. I know some parents start relationships without involving the child, which I strongly support to an extent, as even if you trust someone, you shouldnt trust them with your child. but at the same time, if Im in a relationship with a parent, eventually Im going to be part of the childs life, and I dont just want to be a male figure, but more of a step-dad.

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when you say your standards have increased, at what age do you think your standards would of related to what they are now, if you hadnt of had the child? JC

It would be impossible to compare for me. I have no idea what my life would be like at 34 had I not had my children. Honestly I can't even imagine my life without them.

Friends and lovers come & go...that's the truth of it...Kids are a lifetime commitment, no matter what...

I have 3 kids and I feel I would not "settle for less". I don't know exactly what your saying or asking. But I can tell you that I am not looking for a new father for my kids they already have one even if I don't always think he's the greatest and i would never want to be with anyone that was not nice to my kids or want to spend time with them too. But like I said settleing for less i don't understand because I dont care if a man makes 4 dollars a year or 100000000 as long as he makes me and my kids happy i would be happy.