So my bf called me last night and asked if i wanted to go to "X and Y's" (for privacy..) I was about to get in the shower, i didnt want to go and i didnt want him to wait for me when i didnt even want to go. So i politely declined and he went by himself for a few hours then came home.


When he got home, he said X and Y invited us both to dinner tomorrow night (now tonight, Saturday night) and i said i would think about it.

*Reasoning for not wanting to go: I am 19, turning 20 in a week or so... my bf is 25. Most of his friends are between our age range, and it isnt a problem. It has become a problem with X and Y... because X and Y are a married couple in their late 30's. They have two little girls (4& 6) The age difference makes me extremely uncomfortable, especially because they are at the point in their lives where they are responsible and mature and know what they are doing. I happen to not be. I have more problems with X than i do Y. They are like the older version of my bf and i.. which is scary... X is the father... he is an engineer, extreeeemely intelligent and wealthy, and he has shown an obvious distaste for me from the moment my bf introduced me. Y i dont mind so much, shes the (much) older, more responsible, mature version of me.

To make things worse: my bf tells them WAY too much! I asked him how much he told them while they were hanging out... and he was like "i might have mentioned a few things.." which means he told them everything. He never says anything positive about me. I thought the rule is to make your significant other look good in front of your friends? Not to share all my dirty laundry with them! (such as... i lost my job in january-my store closed and went bankrupt... i havent been able to find a job since. how i had my license temporarily suspended, so it makes it a little harder to find a job, and probably about my crazy episode on v-day night.)

He wants me to go. I know i should try to get along with his friends... but he doesnt make any effort to help me out.

So.... should i bite the bullet and go? (risking breaking down in front of company? no thank you...)

or do i put my foot down, and just order a pizza tonight?
(knowing that if i make him go alone, they will surely ask why didnt join them...)

by not going you are only adding fuel into the fire. Obviously these people are important to him. Being in a relationship means that at times, u gotta "take one for the team" sometimes. You have to do things that you don't like to do.
I can see why they make u uncomfortable, people in their 30's don't relate to people in their teens.
If they already think you are immature... staying home and ordering pizza isn't going to improve their opinion.

You said take one for the team

Good point though, I agree

haha yes I did

You're right... but i don't know if my self-esteem will survive small talk and an appetizer. I hate when people try to make conversation, and you can tell they are trying really hard to be polite. "So.. what have you been up to these days?" (er... walking a very long way in the cold to find a new job. actually.. i was just hired at chuck e cheese down the street. i start monday) "oh... that could be... fun...." (yep. i like kids. it'll be a blast) "I dont remember... do you go to school?" (not anymore. i went to college for a year, loan free... and SURPRISE! I ran out of money. now im just trying to save... but that isnt going so well obviously...)

I just feel like im being set up.. like this is a horrible trap...

god, i just really dont want to go. On the flip side... he feels uncomfortable around my friends because they are all.. you know... significantly younger. Its hard for him to relate... but i do everything in my power to make him more comfortable. All my friends love him! I gave both sides suggestions of what to talk about, things they had in common or could discuss. I also say nothing but good things to my friends about the people i date.... even when we fight or something and i need to vent... i am quite graceful and i give both sides, and even my venting makes him look good.

Why is it hard for him to do the same to me?

I am ultimately furious that he told them all the things that i have been struggling with- private matters. Things that may not be THAT bad... but things i am certainly not proud of, and it seriously alters the light shining on me. He just dished all my private stuff, and now they have a biased opinion about me because of it.

Doth thinketh too much.
Talk with your boy friend about it. Express your concerns. Listen to his. Then decide if you are up to going or not.

I smell misery in this relationship

pungent, eh?

Go, be yourself, answer their questions honestly and don't try to predict what will happen. These folks may be in their 30's but they haven't yet forgotten what it was like to be 19. and soon enough age will become a relative thing. I can remember having to go hang out with my ex's friends when I was in my early 20's - nothing in common, they bored me to tears and the small talk drove me crazy, but I did it because they were his friends...eventually new friends in common developed and we spent more time with them...

Just break up with him

Find someone your age with friends your age

Settled

Wow after the build up your bf gave you I am surprised you are invited back to dinner.lol
Anyway I think you are letting the couples wealth and education intimidate you.Never be ashamed of who you are.Walk in with your held high and a FU attitude.

I dont think i can go with grace. Im still quite upset that he openly shared my private business with his friends, and how it affected the way they treat me. Im afraid that ill start to cry, or that ill blow up at him.

I just dont feel strong enough to put on a happy face and go make nice with the enemy.


Like i said... when he expressed his concern about hanging out with my friends... i did what i had to do to make it more pleasant for both parties. I made my bf look good, and helped steer conversation in a positive direction. I know what makes him uncomfortable to talk about and i know what he loves to talk about. Now they love him and he likes talking and hanging out with them.

Maybe it is just me, but I hear how hard you are working to keep him happy and make sure everything is ok for him...but what in the heck is he doing to smooth things for you - uh from what you have said - NOTHING.

Relationships are 2 way streets, and yours sound like it is one way...

Unfortunately for now...if you keep this BF his friends come with him...and you can't expect him to deal with your friends, if you won't deal with his...

Part of maturity is to find common ground and make everyone feel comfortable. I hate to say it but you sound more grounded than he does

Honestly the 30 vs teen is no biggie. Just keep it in perspective, and see them a bit different in YOUR eyes. You don't need to share that with them or even him.

Protect your heart but don't be defensive. Just be
Y O U And if they don't like that, they will be the ones 'taking one for the team' if they want to continue their relationship with him.

IE ... let it be HIS worry, not yours.

he obviously isn t respecting your feelings as a woman, dump him, he's manipulating u.

lol @ chuck

Well its okay, everyone. I am off the hook.

I babysat for one of his co-workers kids all day today. they JUST left. awe shucks, couldnt make it to dinner.

I get along with all his other friends, just not mike and kelly (oops, X and Y)
like the guy he works with (Z? lol) is a lot like jon.. a techy nerdy guy.. but his wife is tons like me, and their kids are so cute.. and they stayed here and we hung out and talked for an extra hour before they went home... and they are in their late 20's early 30's. I am a very social person. i am quite agreeable!

But alas... i am glad i am off the hook. phew

sometimes life just works out doesn't it?