A good friend of mine and I have recently started a mild flirtation we are both wanting to take to the next level. He is about thirteen years older and of course society has a hard time dealing with the age difference, but I believe his biggest reservation is his three children. His oldest son lives with him and is 13, the other two he has every other weekend and they are 5 and soon to be 3.

I realize that this is going to be difficult for both him and myself, not to mention how tough it could be on the children. I love children and hope someday to have my own, though I always thought I would adopt. Should I just forget about him now, will it be to hard on them? If not, would it be better to introduce myself as a friend? Any advice would be helpful.

i married a man fourteen years my senior...my step-daughter was eleven years my junior.

while my marriage didn't work out, it wasn't because of age. the best thing i ever did was raise that child...she stayed living with ME until she was almost twenty. i helped deliver HER child and got to cut the cord...

i was twenty when we married...i'd never change that for the world.

Think it through very carefully...instant families are very hard and with you being so young lead with you brain and not your heart..

Just take things one day at a time,and spend some time with him and the kids and ask them their opinions to see how they feel.If things wont work with the kids,they can make life a living hell,and in a situation like that its all or nothing.And remember kids will always come first no matter who you are and no matter what he says.If they were yours would it be any different???smile and try and think positive though no matter what happens atleast your thinking and asking questions and thats half the battle of life

Well Take alot of time .......before you jump into that water..
its deep..

I'll second a couple of opinions. Lulu is right (again) 13 years is barely socially awkward! Almost like nothing at all...

It is all about how you get along. It can be a challenge but it is worth it if you are truly compatible. For me the age difference is 11 yrs.

I'll second hunter's suggestion to just spend some time with him and the kids and see how the dynamics work out. But I will say this about the kids. It is wrong to put them first. If the Dad and stepmom aren't happy first then it will not be a happy home - if you are to make it work, the parent relationship will have to be strong and come first as you form the heart of the family team. Now sometimes the kids interests will be put above your own - but that will be because you and your partner choose to do this for the wellbeing of the whole family yourselves included.

Bottom line - if you care about each other and he is willing to put your interests above his own - and you are willing to put his interests also above yours...well this could be a beautiful thing for everyone concerned...



Good luck to you all.

NO ONE SHOULD OR COULD GIVE YOU AVISE WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IS LISTEN TO YOUR HEART

I had a friend that dated someone much older with 4 children. She had a rough time, because she would get a little jealous of him spending time with his kids and not her. Luckily she left the relationship and is now married with kids of her own. But just listen to your heart, and really think hard about what you really want.