Im currently dating a girl that is..frankly out of my league...she says she loves me ...and shes affectionate...

the problem is she has been abused realy badly by older boyfriends(abuse and raped) and she is real skidish...

The problem im having is she gets mad about the simplest thing...and then just gets over it...but she gets mad ALOT..and she is so unenthusiastic..like she isnt happy with me...

I dont know what to do...she says everything is fine..and i told her that she can always be 100% honest...because thats how i would want our relationship to

problems from the start doesnt sound good

How long you been with her

I married one of those. You can try to prove yourself by your actions and good intentions, but there will always be that doubt in her head.

Tell her to get counseling.. she can call a rape crisis line if nothing else.. it doesn't matter how long ago it happened... if she's acting like that, she DEFINITELY needs counseling.

If you're going to stay with her, expect a whooooole lotta drama, because she's obviously in a lot of emotional pain. Always make everything her choice as far as intimacy goes.

When telling them to be honest doesn't work out...be blunt about it and ask, but don't come off as desireing to know come off as more interested than anything as in you want to help. Make sure she knows you are concerned about her, express this concern but not too much (there is a fine line that I am still learning).

Sounds like she needs some serious counsellling. I would advise NOT getting involved with her other than a concerned friend, because she herself should not be involved in a "relationship" in her condition.

Because of her past expereinces, especially abuse and rape, she has serious things to deal with now. So those should be handled before ANY relationships even get started. otherwise you are going into a crap shoot and the odds will be heavily against you.

Good luck!

be a friend first boyfriend second. be patient, understanding. Don't push her into anything. She might need counseling. be very supportive. good luck

I once was In a relationship like that it didn't workout for me. All I can say is let her know how you feel. Good Luck!!

I would suggest building a friendship with her first. I have been through a lot myself and honestly, I am finally learning to love ME!! How can you love someone else if you don't even love yourself. It has been a hard and very lonely road for me. Being alone for the past five years has taught me that I love who I am and I CAN'T CHANGE ANYONE!!

lol ...how long?...2 weeks...

it gets better...She ALREADY wants marriage..and children...


(keep in mind..i agreed ..to seek help for her)

she is a really good girl...but im not sure what to do..i need more specifics...


So everyone agrees she will always have the doubt huh?


The sex end doesnt seem to affect her

No, she won't "ALWAYS" have the doubt. I've been through sexual and physical abuse in my life and you can learn to get past it. She does need to talk about it. She does need to get counseling for it, whether it's with peers or professionals, but she definitely needs to talk about it. She needs to realize she didn't deserve these things, and she needs to learn to forgive herself for whatever guilt she feels over being in these situations. She can heal, but it is a VERY long road to recovery. ... As for your comment on the fact that the sex doesn't affect her, YES, it ABSOLUTELY does. Even if she says it doesn't. It does.

No i mean..she takes control..every time..she doesnt give me any control whatsoever..she takes supreme control..

she wants sex when she wants it..and she expects to get it too

that's normal of sexual abuse victims.. if they're in control, then they feel better about themselves..at least one aspect of their life they have control over..cuz they certainly didn't during the abuse..

So just let her keep in control? i mean..no complaints here..

let her call the shots on when and where and how..

ask her if she's ok with new things before you introduce them..or let her introduce them..either or

It sounds like this is going to be a very challenging relationship and is going to require a huge investment of energy and understanding from you. It is also bound to be rocky, like a roller coaster at times.

Think about joining a support group for family members/significant others of rape/sexual assault survivors. Going through this with her will be confusing for you at times. It will also engender many strong feelings about the perpetrators of her assault which you may or may not be able to cope with on your own. A support group will also help provide insight and education into her symptoms of PTSD and what she may be feeling like, thinking, experiencing - including triggers to her stress reactions.

Some things for you to consider: Do you have a need to "save" her or to be a "white knight"? Would you still be as interested in her if she wasn't emotionally and spiritually wounded? What is in it for you to endure all the emotional suffering you are bound to be going through with her in the immediate future? Is this more about you than her.

Once you decide if this is really for you, remember to be gentle with yourself. Being with someone who is struggling with these symptoms is very difficult for most. Take care of yourself first so that you will be able to be there for her as she needs you.

Best Wishes and Be Well.

If she's being controlling over the sex and demanding of it, she's just using it as part of her self-loathing... this girl needs counseling.. i cannot stress that enough.

Until she learns to start caring about herself and validating herself as a human being with feelings who deserves to be loved and not abused, she will use sex as her own weapon against herself... she will not be able to build up her self esteem as long as she is still having sex... she needs to take a break to find herself.

i see where you're goin with this, however i don't agree with it..

she can very well be using sex as a self defense thing, instead of a weapon..

she can use it as the only thing she has control over in her life, she may feel like it's the one thing she CAN control..

Sounds like you are what is often called a secondary victim. This woman is definitely NOT ready for a relationship, marriage, and most definitely marriage. Sounds like you are headed for an abuseive relationship where you are going to be the whipping post for all her anger. While the sex might be confuseing this woman is definitely not ready and you are asking for trouble if you continue.