This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'
choice
for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
and I
appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or
Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach
in
tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary
Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough
to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't
tell you
how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16
in my pants.

Have you
ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
the
curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
starting
right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
will
adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers
monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
bloating,
puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
it's a
tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend
Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles
into a
George Foreman
Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's
Anatomy was written by a bunch of drunken chimps,Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to
the
reason for my letter Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an
Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f**king kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI,
unless
you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything
'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin
and
Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to
the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to
end
your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately,
there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take
my
maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of
condescending bullsh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

OMG
That was great!

Too funny!

"Have a happy period"--yeah like that happens.

I love this one!

OMG I feel the same way..in fact i wanted to kill my sisters boyfriend yesterday just cause he took the last of the brownie

Any chance the dumb ass responded ??? I would really like to hear what maxi replied.

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read!

Just remember, ladies, vehicular manslaughter is wrong.

An attotrney's defense for vehicular manslaughter "But your honor it was her time of the month and he crossed the line!!!

I would try tp use that in court....hmm maybe my friends hubby better watch what he says lol

I've been working at Walgreens for 2 1/2 years now.. all our customers are literally this crazy. she'd blend right in perfectly.. haha.

Yeah, but did you also know that Proctor and Gamble test on animals?