SMART A$$ ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the
departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended
her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket,
not your stub."


SMART A$$ ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough
for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any
bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMART A$$ ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid who
was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting
for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When
the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.

SMART A$$ ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the
freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he
knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under
the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of gas."

SMART A$$ ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 -- A college teacher reminds her
class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any
excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the
student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd
have to write the exam with your other hand."

Two bonus extras: A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps
for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50
Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6
Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
He never heard the shot....

lol

Those are really cute! Thanks for the laughs!