Well, guys & gals, I’m going to lay it on the line, spill my guts and ask for some HONEST advice….

TRUTH – I’m 33 years old, divorced, never been on a “First Date” – never seriously asked a girl out, never really dated… So, how did I wind up in this situation? I’ve been asking myself that for MONTHS!!

Let me make it as short as possible. Nothing “Sweet” about it, but I can make it short. When I was in high school, my dad had some serious health problems. I had to work to support myself and my parents, and pay my own way to do things, like stay in Scouts, go on trips with my church youth group… I didn’t have time to date.

I had a lot of Girls that were friends (My best friend since 7th grade is a girl/woman), but no girlfriends. Every time I went out, it was with a groups of FRIENDS.

Despite working my @$$ off, I was still able to graduate in the top 10% of my high school class (about 350 in our class) and I got a partial scholarship to the Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD). I moved to Savannah, worked 2 even 3 jobs until school started. Three weeks in, my dad’s back went out and he had to have surgery. Not only could my parents not help me out, they needed me back home to help them.

So, I dropped out, gave up my scholarship, came home, and worked 2 jobs to help them until Dad got back on his feet.

How did my Ex-Wife and I meet? She was one of those girls that was a friend in high school. We hung out a lot after I moved home from Savannah, and did stuff with groups of friends. One night (October 10th, 1993), we kissed and that was it. We were a couple. Spring of 1996, we married. August of 2007, she had an affair and walked out of my life!

Now you get the screen name, Lonely, Wounded and the WOLF is because WOLFMAN is my nick name (Mainly because the Wolf is my animal spirit per my Cherokee roots).

I’ve never picked up a woman. Never really even flirted, other than with “Friends” – never been on a real first date…

I’m lost. Where do I start? How do I not look like a fool?

Any advice is needed.

just be ureself

go to www.google.com and ask the question "how to pick up a woman" and see what they say.

man just be yourself and everything will be cool.

Dood!!! Step one........dl the song "Rico Suave" by Gerardo!!! Ok......check yourself in the mirror......can you feel your shoulders move??? Ya.....that's it.....get the groove on!!! slap that face with some Hai Karate!!! Keep dancing......now get out there and get yourself a date!!!!

be yourself

when a woman asks about you, be honest and tell her

you've taken a HUGE step just by posting all this

good luck ;)

Be myself? I would not want someone else mad at me for trying to be them!

Seriously, I guess being burned like I was (there is more to the divorce/affiar than there is room to post) - but let's just say my self image is in need of repair...

Its not a total loss, it's in the shop being worked on... Too bad they won't issue you a rental for that!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh a Rental,, Hmmmmmmmmmmmm now that would be nice,,

Be you,,, Baby steps,,, just enjoy life,,

Good Luck to you
Welcome to the Family

It takes awhile to get over these things. Work on yourself....reflect on things.....dont blame others......and most of all.........forgive!

Go to a club, or the park, or somewher public and just hang around, talk to some woman and just be nice, funny and YOURSELF. Either you'll clic or you wont. Just dont give up and have fun with it.

BUT what do i know ihavent dated in along time

sorry if I knew how I wouldn't be here

My wonderfully simple friend Glen has a theory that might help you.
*Ahem*

"Fill it full of booze."

ROFL! That sounds like the same thing my friends say at Rein fairs.. and yet they still cant get me boozed up enough

Wolfman/Wounded Wolf,

I don't think you need to do anything. You sound pretty normal to me - just going through the 'loss' stage after a broken relationship!

Sounds like you've spend a lot of your life doing stuff for others and trying to be responsible - you sound like a nice guy.

Just take some time for yourself - 33 is a great age - enjoy it as a single guy for a while. Find out more about who YOU are instead of being 'the husband of so-and-so' or the 'son of so-and so.'

If your relationship ended, it was a 2-person deal - it was never up to you, solely, to make sure that relationship survived, so cut yourself some slack. Look back on the parts of the relationship that were 'working' - if you still speak to your ex - ask her 'what parts did work?' and toss away the rest.

Who is pressuring you to date? You? Is it to gain a long-term relationship - or just get out in the dating world? If you really find that you want to date, don't resort to 'scripting' yourself - just be yourself.....asking someone out for a coffee if you feel you'd like to know them a little better is always acceptable - and will never be considered and 'step over the line' invitation, but use the words that work for you.

Naturally, I'm opinionated, as you've seen - and I'm being very windy at the moment...but I hope you will know how GREAT you must have been already to have had several years of SUCCESSFUL Marriage with someone! Just because THAT ended recently - it doesn't mean marriage wasn't a success for you or that you weren't a good catch to begin with. Things 'go wrong' because of the pairing not working out down the road - not because of 1 person's inherent, everlasting faults at the beginning.

Take care

Everybody pretty much nailed it, be yourself, be comfortable, and above all have a good time. Dating is fun when it's not treated as a chore.

I feel your pain though I had to drop a lot of stuff to help out with my family the last few years. Just don't let anything get you down you'll be good.

"...said the gal who has sworn off dating..."

LOL

Wolfman - I am not tryin' to be a hypocrite here - but I have found that taking the focus away from 'having to date' is not a bad thing. I didn't know I was ALLOWED to just be single after my last relationship ended - and now that I don't focus on having to be with someone, it isn't so freaky to be alone for a while. It also spares me from the 'look like a fool' part if I am not working on the next 'pick up line.' lol

:)

Thanks for the advice and the encouragement.

And no, there is no one "Pressuring" me to date right now. It's just, well, I'm tired of having no one but the Dog and Cat's to talk to on a Saturday night, and there is really no place around Jefferson to hang out... Well, the bar at the BOWLING ALLY!!

That, and eventually, I am going to want to date, hopefully find someone else. And, no, not next week, not next month... maybe not even next year... but sometime.

Go to the dating a larger woman thread, I am sure you will find lots of women to date there

I agree

You seem like a darn decent human being. My personal approach is work on what you can (learn, explore, better yourself)and find contentment in what you have. Morally you seem to have made some very good decisions and you're not livin in a hole so appreciate where you are and enjoy life as much as you can. It honestly shows and attracts some positive attention, not saying it's an easy thing to always do. Trust that a relationship will come along when you're ready, but put your focus more into what you do have. As soon as you put your happiness outside of yourself, you can no longer be filled with happiness. I honestly wish you the best, good luck man